The Heart Wants What it Wants

6 - Love & Loss

Three Months Later

*Flashback*

Third Person P.O.V.

"Just thinking about my 'dessert'," Nova says, trying to be funny. Nova and Sasha are ringside with Chelsea and Sasha is about to announce Rhea's fight. Sasha wacks Nova in the face with her mic playfully, but a little too hard for Nova's liking to the point where it has triggered her PTSD. Sasha doesn't know this. "Come to my room, we can chat, and have desser," Sasha says, continuing on, not knowing that she has hurt her crush. It isn't until Nova sits in her chair, not saying a word, and gripping whatever parts of her chair with a white knuckle grip.

"Nova, are you alright?" Sasha asks. It then dawns on her that she triggered Nova and she feels awful about it. "Oh, shit! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you that hard. You're allowed to feel pain. I shouldn't have belittled you.... I shouldn't have hit you. I'm sorry," She says. Nova leans over and whispers to Chelsea as Sasha starts to announce Becky and Rhea's fight. Nova needed to go somewhere quite to clear her head so Chelsea goes with her. They get to an empty room but Nova wants to be alone. Sasha did try following them but Chelsea said not to because she needs to announce the fight. Chelsea doesn't want to come off cold but she needs to worry about Nova and she knows this is Sasha's big day. Once Sasha is done announcing the fight she sits for a minute debating if she should go after them.

Sasha beings to wonder,' Why do I fuck up everything good in my life? But, maybe it's better this way...Nova deserves the world and I would never be able to give it to her. I can't even love myself enough...then I don't deserve to love anyone else. Otherwise it will end in heartbreak.'

Meanwhile Nova is trying to push her feelings aside because she wants to talk to Sasha. She tells Chelsea to let Sasha in so Chelsea goes and gets Sasha before she has to announce the rest of the match. "Com on. Nova wants you. I wasn't trying to be a bitch, I just didn't want to overwhelm either of you or you to miss your big break. I know Nova can get dark," She says. Sasha follows Chelsea to that room. She's anxious but she'd do anything for Nova. Meanwhile, while Nova is waiting she's laying on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, while playing with her fingers to try and calm herself down. She doesn't want to lose Sasha because of past Trauma.

Sash walks in carefully, not to scare Nova. "Nova," She whispers. Nova waits for Sasha to approach the couch. When Sasha does, Nova stands up and pulls her to her, nuzzling her head in Sasha's neck, slowly starting to calm down. Sasha freezes at first and then holds her. "Oh Nova. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you. I wasn't thinking clearly. That was it right?" She asks. Nova nods, "I...can't...be mad...at you," She chokes out, struggling not to cry, her throat still feeling tight.

Sasha is already feeling like she fucked up. She already made up her mind that after tonight she'll be going to a Therapy Rehab because her mental health isn't well. She wants to get better for herself and her friends. "You should...I fucked up, I shouldn't have hit you. I feel like ever since I came into your lives, I made things worse for everyone. Like didn't you find it strange that Chelsea's Pots got worse after I met you guys? I made you especially worry about me, and now look at me?! Making it about myself. Ugh! I think it's better if I just stop talking now." Sasha says. Nova looks at her face with so much love in her heart. 'I need to tell her before it's too late. I need to tell her now.' She thinks.

Nova lets out a sigh, taking a breath. "Look..I..love you. More than a friend. More than a sister. I was scared to say anything because I thought you would reject me or turn me down. I know you like Tatum but I needed to be honest with myself. I'd let the whole world burn just to have you in my life. I didn't want me to be dishonest and you find out and leave. I don't want to ruin our friendship," She says. Sasha stands there, eyes wide from shock of Nova's confession.

"Oh, Nova. Why would you do that to yourself? I love you too...but i'm not sure if i'm capable of feeling any deep connection. I don't truly know what love is. I don't even love myself. As long as I can't love myself, I shouldn't be loving someone else. I beg you, give me time. Don't keep looking. I actually heard Lyra is interested in you. I need some time away from all of this to deal with my demons..otherwise the will kill me and you... I'm sorry, Nova." She says. The air in the room gets thicker with sadness and love. If only they could feel it too. "We both have..our inner demons to face, Sash," Nova says, tears starting to run from her eyes like someone opened a flud gate. "Why should we suffer our demons alone? We could fight them together. Please, Sash? I don't want Lyra. I only ever wanted you," Nova says, pleading Sasha with her eyes. 

Sasha looks at her, starting to cry herself. "I am so sorry Novi, I can't do this right now. I don't feel in anyway, emotionally stable enough for us to have a successful relationship. If we were to try this now it would end bad and ruin our relationship. Try to move on, maybe even find a therapist. Goodbye, Nova. At least for now," She says, hugging Nova for what feels like the last time and leaving the room. Chelsea sees Sasha leaving crying. "Please, someone check on here. I am so sorry, but it's better. She's better off this way," She says, looking at Chelsea, Rhea, and Jacob. Rhea's match just ended and the other announcer announced her win. Chelsea asks Sasha what's wrong while trying to comfort her. "Don't bother comforting me. I don't deserve it. I didn't want to hurt her. It's the last thing I ever wanted to do. But she deserves better. I'm going to be going on a flight tonight and going to a Therapy Rehab. I need to improve my mental health. I'll be gone for three months," Sasha says. "Just try to keep in touch. We love you. If this is what you need to do to help yourself, I'll support you fully," Chelsea says. "I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself," Jacob says, giving her a side hug. Sasha goes and collects her stuff from her locker and hotel room and gets on her flight back home to Florida.