The Nightingale || John Egan

XXVI

Iris had been given days off, to heal, to rest.

She was told to stay in her quarters, lying in bed and occasionally taking walks outside as if staying still, unmoving and frozen horizontally on a bed would help, sucking the agony from the back of her head.
She did stay a bit longer in bed in the mornings, and after thirty minutes she would get ready like any other day, forcing herself to feel what she felt before, when she was new to the base, when it was new to the boys that she was a flight nurse. She recalled those little times staying up a bit longer at night chatting through whispers with Alissa, who lay on the bed on top of Iris' bed.
And through words, anything comforted one another.

Last night neither of them managed to fall asleep quite easily, but neither of them managed to articulate any kind of phrase as if they both feared any kind emotion could overcome them, blocking the words in their throat until it forbid the air to come in.
But the silence that danced between the two was definetly not awkward, it was oddly comforting as if both needed only one another and not their words. As if in that moment, both managed to recall those who they lost with no great sorrow sitting on their chests.
And Iris thought of it odd, that Alissa hadn't yet spoken much about William and she did not dare to ask questions. But Alissa did not want to accept that the man she fell in love with was taken away from her firm grasp, she did not wish to accept his absence in her life as both once planned to marry and grow old with a family of their own. But now Alissa was left to fend for herself, to manage to get through the war only for him.

Iris recalled being frightened by her possible reaction to the news, but the blonde woman kept her weeping to herself, although tears slipped and ran down her soft cheeks holding onto Iris that day in the infirmary. And both hand let go off of each other as soon as they found themselves in each other's arms. Iris was Alissa's companion, and Alissa was Iris'. And there was no way to change that.
And Alissa was too frightened to inform Iris of Bucky's disappearance. How could she speak such words to someone who had just endured so much?
Her words had come out with a few cracks as if she did not want to tell such a thing to Iris.

And eventually she built up the courage to do so and she spoke immediately getting a hold on her hand.

Both of the little women had lost the men they loved deeply.
And with each step Iris took outside her quarters, with every glance, she was reminded of him.
She recalled when they danced in the middle of the night on their way to her quarters, his singing and his warm touch that touched her heart.
He never left her mind, he lived there day and night. From the moment she found herself in France to the moment that lead her back at the base, his image lingered in her mind, his laughter bruised soul.
And what was this feeling if not devotion? That weighed down heavy on her heart but kept her shoulders light.

And from the moment he had heard of her not making it, sorrow replaced all the joyful sentiments he had felt with her and weighed him down. Leaving a sense of confusion in him, for they had seen each other what felt like moments ago and, all they had said to one another was gone? With a blink of an eye. He had put the telephone back in place and squeezed his eyes shut, was it all really gone?
Were the moments they shared the last ones?
Her picture was secure in in pocket wherever he went from that moment and on, her pearls secure with him, never letting go off of them.

In every moment when despair overtook his thoughts, she always came fluttering in his mind in the shadows of the night, whispering whispers of hope, like delicate songs comforting his being. Like a nightingale, she was who kept the tranquility in his soul.

For they both longed for one another in the distance, and kept one another with hope.

But Bucky missed her so much it physically hurt him, whenever he was reminded of her absence. Was she alive?
Had she lived if she bailed out? Or was he only holding onto the shadows of her left behind?