unstable

11.

"nova ?"

"hailey?"

i stared at the girl in front of me, i never realized how much we resembled one another.

"is billie home? i have to talk to her" i looked to my right to see her car.

"she's up in her room, i was just leaving. have a good night nova" she smiled before walking out the house.

i went up to billies room and slightly opened the door, her red lights illuminated her room as i entered.

"oh? nova? what are you doing here?" she sat up against her headboard.

"could we talk?" i asked, holding the bag up.

"come sit" billie tilted her head out of confusion.

i walked over and sat at the foot of her bed, facing her. "i'm sorry" i sighed. "mom was taking the letters before they got to me. i should've believed you" i said as i met her eyes.

"it's okay, you had no reason to believe me if you did see the letters. but nova, i promise you i love you with every bone in my body."

"i have a question."

"what's up baby?"

my heart melted at the name "why was she here?"

she paused, i could tell she didn't know what to say. "i didn't know you saw her." she sighed.

"just, come back to me when you're ready for me billie" i wiped a tear from my eye and left her room.

-

the next morning mom had already left for work and evelyn was still asleep so i got ready for school and left, i was really hoping i wouldn't have to see billie but the second i pulled in my eyes met hers and she was walking in with hailey.

i shook my head and collected my thoughts before going to class which sadly i had with her.

i've never really payed attention much but i have most of my classes with hailey and billie, so billie has been sitting by her all day and it's torture.

during lunch i sat alone again, i'm used to it. i had to use the bathroom but i was scared to go in there because billie and hailey had disappeared from their table.

the school day went by so fucking slow, i genuinely felt like i was floating half the day.

while walking out to my car i heard billie call out my name, i didn't turn back until she said it a third time and she was much closer and out of breath.

"yes billie?" i turned around as i stood by my car door. "can you come over today? or could i come over?" i raised an eyebrow as she asked and let out a chuckle, hailey was right behind her and heard her ask.

"but billie, we had plans." she fake smiled. billie sighed and turned to face her "yes i forgot" she returned the fake smile back before turning to talk to me again.

"okay baby, let's go" hailey interrupted us again and pulled billie away. i sighed, getting into my car.

i hadn't even realized how long i was sitting in the school parking lot until i looked up and saw the sun started to set, tears had ruined my makeup and i was exhausted.

i don't even know why i'm so upset about this, we were never together.

-

when i got home of course i saw her car in the driveway but she wasn't in it. mom would never let her in what the fuck.

i walked through the front door and of course billie and mom had been in the kitchen, mom was cooking dinner and billie was sitting at the island talking to her.

"oh nova your home" mom smiled as she turned around. "billie brought me flowers, you too" she pointed to the vases on the counter. i couldn't do anything but smile and nod.

mom hadn't noticed that i had been crying but billie definitely did, i could tell by the way she was looking at me, but i refused to look back at her.

"i'm going to shower" my voice was low, barely visible.

-
after my shower i walked into my bedroom and billie was on my bed, scrolling on her phone.

"um hi?" i held the towel closer to my body.

"hi pretty"

"billie go" i shook my head and she got up and walked into my bathroom.

i took that time to get dressed and when she came out i was in front of my mirror brushing out my hair.

"i want to talk. where have you been? and why were you crying?" she took a seat at the edge of my bed.

"i'm not in the mood billie" i sighed.

"you won't ever be in the mood to talk to me and that's obvious so now is the time i want to talk."

i rolled my eyes and turned towards her. "what."

"i'm sorry, and i miss you, i haven't stopped missing you"

"you clearly did the second you chose block me on everything."

"that was hailey! nova come on i would never block you, a day after i told you i loved you what the fuck."

"no don't even bring that up. i don't give a fuck about how much you love me and miss me because you clearly didn't care about that when you were sucking haileys lips off in the bathroom"

she just sighed and look down at the floor.

"i waited day after day for you to come see me there, i waited day after day to come home and be able to hold you and see your face and you were here with a whole other girl billie. i can't even be mad because i know we weren't together but shit we admit that we love one another and you just throw it all away."

"nova."

"seriously shut the fuck up" i let out a soft laugh "i don't give a fuck about anything you have to say to me at the point. it's all lies"

"nova!" she yelled making me finally stop and take a breath.

"shut up, oh my god. if you would let me explain instead of screaming in my face maybe you could understand my fucking side of it."

"k go on." i nodded.

" i didn't block you, for starters. hailey and i first started seeing eachother a few weeks after you left and once i saw that i wasn't getting any replies back from you i felt hopeless and needed something to distract me from the fact that i couldn't see you and hold you. so hailey was there and i was in need of affection so i just was affectionate with her. i told her it was strictly just for us to have a little something but things progressed and she started getting like obsessed with me. i felt too bad to end things so i just let it happen, you were always on my mind."

"even while y'all were fucking?" she stayed silent.

"right, so you did fuck her" i laughed, you just ratted yourself out. "bye billie" i shook my head.

"fuck no, nova please." she stood up and grabbed my hands. "i love you, i love you, i love you. please just believe that." she cried before placing her hands on my cheeks and pulling me to hers into a kiss.

i have craved this feeling for so long, i could taste the salty tears that had been falling from both our eyes.

i was sobbing into the kiss and so was billie, love is such a cruel feeling...

i pulled away leaving us both breathless and silent.

"you should get going." i whispered, i gave in.

"but nova."

"go billie , i'll see you tomorrow." and with that she grabbed her phone and left my room as i sat there with swollen lips and tears flowing down my face.

a/n- hi my loves! i'm so sorry for how long it's taken for me to get this chapter out, i promise i'm gonna write more soon. i've been in a rlly bad place lately and have had no motivation for anything.

love you guys :)