Separated hearts // Heehoon

10

Guysss I planned to update yesterday but I fell asleep lol😝. Anyway Italy is playing right now!!!
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⚠️SELF HARM⚠️

Heeseung was starring at Sunghoon for a while, trying to make sense of his change. 

"How could you change so much? How can you act so differently?"
Sunghoon looked Heeseung dead in the eyes after the words left his mouth.

Did he really change?

"Why are you trying to jump off bridges? Why do you let people beat you up? Why are pushing me away!"

Sunghoon could see the tears that were pouring down Heeseung cheeks but he didn't dare to say anything.

Was he really pushing Heeseung away? Was he hurting Heeseung all this time like he hurt him right now?

"Say something Sunghoon for fucks sake say something!"
More tears started to fall from Heeseung eyes and it broke Sunghoon's heart knowing that he was the reason for it.

It started raining again but neither of them cared. They were just standing there looking at each other.

Sunghoon still didn't utter a word. He didn't dare to tell Heeseung the truth, even if it means to hurt him.
He could never tell him the truth.

Not after they became strangers. (A/n: sorry if the sentence doesn't make sense)

"Why do you even care?" Sunghoon didn't even realise what he said, not until he saw Heeseung's reaction.
And hell did it hurt him.

"We are friends...?" It was like all the confidence Heeseung had left him, in the second Sunghoon uttered his words.

"No... we are not. Our friendship ended when you left me! When you didn't reply to my messages or my letters! It ended when you stopped caring about me!"

Sunghoon's words hit Heeseung like a pang in his heart. Was that how Sunghoon felt the whole time.

"Sunghoon I didn't mean to— you know it wasn't my intention to hurt you, alright. It was just very hard to begin my life in a new city...I needed to focus on myself and after I got used to it I texted you back! But you never answered!"

Sunghoon couldn't believe his ears was Heeseung really blaming him right now?

A scoff left Sunghoon's mouth.
"You left me without a message for a year and expect me to just act like it was nothing? You ignored all my messages when i needed you! When everything fell apart! So don't expect me to act like nothing happened Heeseung! I could do it by myself before and I can do it now too! I don't need your help!"

Heeseung looked at Sunghoon as if he wanted to say something but he didn't. He couldn't say a single word.

"That's what I thought", Heeseung could only watch Sunghoon leaving him alone in the rain.

He didn't want to get his ramen noodles anymore. He wasn't even hungry anymore.

He stood there alone for a while before going home but the hurt look on Sunghoon's face never left his thoughts.

But why couldn't sunghoon understand that he needed time to get used to his new life in a new city.

Sunghoon's life couldn't have been harder than his like he didn't change his city so why was he so mad at him.

   ପ꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ଓ

Sunghoon actually didn't plan on going home soon but his talk with Heeseung changed his mind and he walked home.

Luckily his dad wasn't home he couldn't handle another dispute.

Normally he would look for something to eat when his dad wasn't home but he didn't feel like eating.

So he just went back to his room where he spent the last days.

He ignored the mess in the room like he did the other days. Why should he clean it up when it doesn't even bother him. Who would come over anyway the last friend of his that came over was heeseung and that was 8 years ago.

It was the first time in a while he felt this lonely. Of course he often felt lonely but not as lonely as he does right now. The last time he felt this lonely was when Heeseung left and his misery started.

At that time he cried. He cried almost everyday. And now he couldn't even do that.

After all he shouldn't be the one crying, it's his fault anyway. He pushed Heeseung away not the other way around. He put himself in this situation. He was mean to the only person who was friendly to him and treated him like a friend.

They were friends after all.

He should punish himself for being mean to Heeseung. Heeseung didn't deserve that. Heeseung didn't even deserve him.

So he walked to his bathroom, locks the door and got his blade.
After a few seconds he made the first cut. Then the second. Then the third. And so on.
He stopped counting after some time.

After some time he started cutting deeper. He needed to balance out his wrong doing with punishment.

But it didn't work. He still feels guilty about it. He still feels guilty about being mean to Heeseung and pushing him away when all he tried to do was help him. The only person who tried to help him got pushed away because of himself.

So he needed to go deeper. He needed to.

He didn't stop even after his vision started to get blurry. He didn't stop when black dots started to appear in front of his eyes. He didn't stop when he started to feel lightheaded.
It only stopped after he passed out and dropped to the floor.

He was just lying on the ground covered in blood. His ground was covered in blood too on some spots but nothing that can't be cleaned.

ପ꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ଓ

Sunghoon didn't know how long he had been unconscious but the sun was shining again so it has to be the next day right?

It didn't matter anyway. He didn't plan to do something today anyway.

He cleaned his wounds and his floor before he returned to his room. He changed in fresh clothes that weren't covered in blood.

After that he just laid down on his bed. It was his favorite place in his room. He spends most of his time on his bed.

He missed the time when he and Heeseung had sleepovers at his. He was never alone when he was scared of something because Heeseung would protect him. Now no one was here to protect him and comfort him when he was scared.

Now he only has himself.

Now he was truly alone.

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I hope you like this chapter!!

Italy lost today😞 anyway in 2 weeks my vacation starts so be prepared!!

Song rec: Carlo's song - Noah Kahan

Emy ପ꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ଓ

#standwithpalastine