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A/n: I'm updating again after a month and so😝. Anyway I slayed all my exams so yeah. Anyway I'm riding this on my way home (7 hours to go), expect this to be a long  chapter but I'll see how long my carsickness takes to kick in and I just publish what I have XD.

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⚠️Mention of sh, suicide attempts, abuse⚠️

Sunghoon looked at Heeseung, he wanted to scream at him, tell him how much he hurt him, what he went through and so on but nothing came out of his mouth.

Heeseung was looking at him with expectfull eyes as if he wanted Sunghoon to be honest about his feelings, while he was away and ignored him but how could he just tell him everything that happened.

(A/n: pls tell me if 'expectfull' is the right way to write it because my phone says it's wrong but I don't it better😝)

"Say something Sunghoon, anything, just say something", Heeseung's voice sounded almost pleading.

Sunghoon's inner turmoil only grew stronger with Heeseung's pleading. He cant just spill everything. He can't. Heeseung would think he's stupid or crazy for staying so long with his father and not fighting back. Heeseung would be disgusted that he harms himself, that he tried to kill himself.
Maybe Heeseung would even hate him.

Sunghoon was so in thoughts that he didn't even realise that tears were starting to fall from his eyes.

"Sunghoon, what's the matter", Heeseung said softly, putting a hand on Sunghoon's shoulder trying to give him at least a bit comfort.

"Just tell me how you felt or how you're still feeling....I just want to understand, okay?", he continues to speak with the same soft voice as before.

Sunghoon looked down, he couldn't dare to talk about it, while looking at him. He was too afraid of Heeseung's reaction and what he'll say.

He felt Heeseugn's eyes on him, his pleading gaze was fixed onto him, piercing through him and with every second that passed by the walls, which he had built up around his feelings and heart, were starting to crumble.

(A/n: I don't think that makes sense anyway)

More tears started to fall from Sunghoon's eyes. Why was Heeseung so good with destroying everything?

That's wrong Heeseung destroyed nothing, if anyone did destroy something then it was Sunghoon himself and not Heeseung.

After what felt like an eternity Sunghoon finally started to speak.
"I...", he closed his mouth again, before opening it again. "I...missed you...and I hate myself for missing you..", he says quietly before meeting Heeseung's eyes.

"And I hate you.... I hate you for ignoring my messages and letters...", he says, while his tears continued to fall.

"I stopped texting you...even though I needed you....even when you were the last person I could talk to...I stopped", Sunghoon says.

Heeseung was looking at him with guilt, he didn't know Sunghoon needed him but how could he, he ignored Sunghoon and didn't even care to ready the messages.

"I was alone Hee, after you left I had no one else, they all left me...and then you left me too", Sunghoon says, his voice cracking a bit.

"My Mom got sick and my father started to drink.....and I had to do it all by myself...I need to earn money for my mother, for the bills and for myself....and I really needed my best friend but you weren't there...", Sunghoon said quietly, his voice breaking in between.

"Over the years it got worse, my mom was in the hospital so I had to earn more and my father....he started to hit me, kick me, throw bottles at me...and so on", he said.

Heeseung started to cry after a while, he listened to every word Sunghoon had said and hurt him.

"After some time...I thought maybe I deserve it, maybe I'm just not good enough...and maybe I deserve all the pain...maybe even more...", Sunghoon said quietly.

Heeseung looked at him, he hoped he was only interpreting it wrong what Sunghoon just said.

"..so I started to hurt myself too...maybe it would make things better but it didn't..."

Heeseung felt how his heart broke at Sunghoon's confirmation, to his interpretation.

"I couldn't stop anymore...and then I saw you...I saw you and your friends and it hurt me but it didn't matter....and then I started to see you almost everywhere I was and every time you wanted to talk to me...and it hurt me more that you acted like you didn't ignore me and that we were still friends...", He says.

"And then my mother died....and I felt even more alone and hurt...it was all too much so I...I tried to kill myself...and then you came and stopped me..."

More tears were falling from Heeseung's eyes. He felt so guilty.
Before Heeseufn got say something, Sunghoon spoke up again.

"If you want to apologise...save it, I don't need your apology or anything...I just want everything to be like it was before you left.", Sunghoon says, looking him dead in the eyes, before speaking again.

"Next time if you see me trying to kill myself...don't stop me. So now you know everything...do with that information whatever you want"

Sunghoon turned away, before starting to walk.

Heesueng thought for a second but for him it was clear, he won't let Sunghoon go, not again.

He grabbed Sunghoon's arm before pulling him back and hugging him.
He felt how Sunghoon cried against his chest, how Sunghoon's tears wetted his shirt. He felt his own tears running down his cheeks.

He held Sunghoon closer as if he was afraid Sunghoon would vanish if he didn't.

He couldn't lose him.

They stood there just hugging each other. They didn't dare to say a word. But that didn't matter, not in that moment.

Heeseung only hold him closer too afraid to lose him.

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This is so bad I think anyway enjoy!!
And feel free to correct my mistakes please!

Song rec: paranormal - enhypen

Emy 🐈‍⬛

#standwithpalastine

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