home (Kiss Of Life x Male Y/N)

chapter 32 - a koala comes to visit

Sitting up in bed,

Reading a novel with Suze snuggled up next to me, flipping page by page, word by word aimlessly since my mind couldn't concentrate.

Suzy - hm? Honey?

Looking down at her, she was in the process of falling asleep but it seems like something was bothering her

Y/N - yeah?

Suzy - are you not going to bed?

With a slight nod and the closure of my novel with the bookmark on the page I was last on, I put it on the nightstand, taking off my glasses in the process.

Y/N - I am. Sorry, I was just catching up.

Glancing at her, she just nodded understanding.

Suzy - it's alright.

Grabbing the edge of the blanket, I tucked my lower half in, sitting comfortable against the headboard with some thoughts stuck in my head.

Ever since yesterday with what happened with Nat, I couldn't shake it off.

It's not easy to shake off an experience or a memory like that easily.

Plagued with the tender touch of her skin, my body growing warmer by the second but quick as my head fell into a trance, I felt her Suze's hand on my arm with my head turning towards her

Suzy - are you okay? You seem so, distracted lately.

Nodding my head, patting the top of her hand with mine before grimacing and grinding my teeth in.

Y/N - I- I am, I'm sorry.

Suzy - why what's wrong this time?

A worrying expression on her face and I wouldn't want to confuse the situation because of how unsettling my face compared to hers was.

Y/N - I- it's just-

My hand, slowly wrapped around hers as I took another sigh.

Suzy - tell me baby.

Her other hand had caressed my cheek, indulging in the softness of the love that I sometimes feel like, I don't deserve at all.

Y/N - You know, you wanted me to promise you this one thing.

Her head tilted slightly to the side, in question of what I had to say

Suzy - which was?

Y/N - that I wanted to be your first, and you could be mine. B- but.

Suzy - oh honey.

Her gentle clasp on my cheek and understanding gaze dug into me but my heart felt heavy, full of sorrow and guilt for what I have done.

Suzy - you did it with someone, hm?

With a nod, I took a long deep, shuddering sigh.

Suzy - just tell me who. I won't be mad.

Y/N - b- but I'm ju- just.

Suzy - hey, you didn't do anything wrong. It's okay.

I couldn't ever deserve her more than I could've ever desired her as much. So this truly, hurted more than I could ever want.

Y/N - but- I did.

Suzy - hey. No, you didn't. It's okay. It's okay.

I couldn't cry, not that I wouldn't but. It just wasn't appropriate to feel that way and act like I was the victim in all of this. Because I'm not, I'm just the asshole.