What might have been

You are not the person I believed you to be.

"Married men and unmarried women cannot be friends, Mr. Bridgerton."

This proved to be far more difficult than she had anticipated. Colin Bridgerton regarded her as though she had sprouted a second head in the last ten minutes, ever since he had drawn her into the library at Bridgerton House. She had known this moment would arrive, though she had expected it to be later rather than sooner, given how frequently she felt his gaze upon her. Yet, she had believed that married men, especially those newly wed, would be far busier than this. Why did he have so much leisure that his eyes seemed perpetually fixed upon her whenever she was present? Should he not be with Marina, attending to whatever it is that married couples do?

"Pen, I know you are vexed about the wedding, about how I reacted that day... I am truly sorry. I was angry that no one was taking my decision seriously. I desire to be married, and no one seemed to understand. I took my frustration out on you. You must understand, Marina and I had little choice... we had to elope." He sounded confident, as though he had practiced it beforehand.

"It is not my concern what you do with your life, Mr. Bridgerton... I would prefer it if you kept your distance. Things have changed, and you must accept it. As a married man, you should be aware that you must maintain a certain level of propriety," Penelope said coldly. He was not the only one who practiced after all, she thought.

"Propriety? ... Pen, that does not apply to us." He scoffed "We have been friends for so long... you are my dearest friend. What shall I do without you? You cannot betray our friendship in this manner."

"Mr. Bridgerton... I am a woman navigating the marriage market, subject to the scrutinizing gaze of the ton. You may not view me as a woman worthy of courtship, but that does not make it so. I must be cautious of how society perceives me in order to secure a favourable match."

"Pen... I—" Colin sounded breathless.

"Do not interrupt me," Penelope said sternly. "Your thoughtless actions and blatant disrespect have never aided me in any way. In fact, I believe this friendship has always been one-sided... your assertion of friendship when it suits your fancy does not truly make us friends."

"You don't mean that," the hurt was evident in his voice, but Penelope didn't let it sway her, at least not on the outside. It didn't matter that every fiber of her being wanted to apologize, to say it's not true, and to assure him that he was perfect in every way possible. But no, she was determined to leave that version of herself behind.

"I do mean it. I am your sister's best friend... your wife's cousin. There is nothing for us to talk about. It means that you should keep your distance."She said it with the cool confidence she had mastered after rehearsing this situation a hundred times in her head over the last few days.

Colin Bridgerton looked like a wounded puppy, his gaze betrayed, as if his master had kicked him. She took his speechlessness as her cue and left the library, hurrying towards Eloise's bedroom, silently praying that he would not have the audacity to follow her there.

Colin Bridgerton couldn't fathom a world in which Penelope Featherington didn't hold him in high regard. Her rejection... or indifference, he thought, made him feel like a King who lost his kingdom. There was never another person who made him feel seen, who was so open in her admiration of him, someone who made him believe in himself. Did she finally realize that he was not as great as she once thought and decided it was better to befriend Benedict instead? His stomach dropped at the thought, but he also felt angry. He never implied she was unworthy of courtship, so why did she even think that? Was Benedict spreading lies about him to her? That didn't sound like his brother at all, but he couldn't find any other explanation. Who was turning her against him?