What might have been

All is not lost

It was not the first time Penelope had joined them at Aubrey Hall; indeed, they had spent many a summer in their youth, running about and reading their favourite stories to one another. However, this occasion marked the first instance where they both pretended the other did not exist. Colin could feign indifference and claim it did not pain him, that he did not miss her—especially when she was in the same room, laughing with Benedict and Eloise or sitting by the window reading some book . What could possibly be so amusing? Moreover, it vexed him greatly that she seemed determined to look anywhere but at him since her arrival. It was even more vexing that he found himself concocting excuses to be in her vicinity. Why did Anthony and his mother deem it advantageous to have Penelope Featherington in their company? The only person likely to agree on the inappropriateness of her presence was Marina, and Colin abhorred the thought of aligning with her on any matter. He would avoid conversing with Marina if it were at all possible. Marina had remained ensconced in her room since their arrival at Aubrey Hall, yet she displayed a distinctly irritated countenance whenever she glimpsed Penelope. Despite everything, Colin felt an inappropriate sense of pride in Penelope, for she met each of Marina's scornful glances with her head held high and unwavering eye contact. However, it was disheartening that it was only he whom she avoided gazing upon.

Colin longed to emulate Marina and hide himself in his room, if only to prevent through himself at Penelope's feet and begging for her to look at him. Yet, his pride restrained him, reminding him that she regarded him as nothing more than a foolish boy pretending to be a man. He could not help but hope that Portia Featherington might summon Penelope to return home for some reason or another.He had realized that his resolve was wearing thin, but much to his surprise, it was not he who made the first move.

Penelope could no longer endure the tension. Colin's eyes followed her everywhere, forcing her to avoid looking at him, despite her desperate longing to do so. She could not remember a time when he entered a room without her feeling his presence. Wherever they both were, her eyes always found him. It had become an ingrained habit, making it exceedingly difficult to hide her feelings now. She did not want Colin to catch her looking at him. The situation was becoming ridiculous.

She felt a twinge of sympathy for Colin. He had married a woman he scarcely knew, despite everyone's protests, because he believed himself to be in love. She could not blame him, for she would have married him in a heartbeat when they first met—that was how much she had loved him. She could not fault him for not returning her affections. He had been manipulated by a woman with a carefully crafted plan designed to charm him and make him believe she was perfect for him in every way.

When Penelope had shouted and blamed everything on his naivety, she had been striking a man at his lowest point. He was her friend, one who had not yet declared her 'uncourtable' or 'not a woman.' Could she truly blame him when such declarations had not yet been made? Or had they happened at all? Had she imagined the entire future? Was she dreaming about a life where Colin did not marry Marina? how sad that even the Colin in her dream didn't want anything to do with her.

Penelope sighed. This was so difficult. She was confused, stressed, and miserable.She did not want the added tension of Colin's constant staring. Thus, she resolved to clear the air. They could at least be acquaintances rather than... whatever they were now. She knew they could not be friends, not while her feelings for him remained so strong. It would not be fair to his wife, regardless of the state of their relationship. That was none of her business anyway. Colin was married. That was the end of it.

But it was becoming increasingly difficult to remember that resolution when she found herself gazing into his eyes. She had walked into the library, having come to recognize his patterns over the past few days. She knew he would find some excuse to follow her there. Indeed, he appeared quite surprised to find her waiting for him. She did not blame him for being taken aback, as this was the first time she had met his stare head-on.