Look for the Light (Joel Miller fanfic)

Panic Attacks and Blue Eyes

                                                                                     Joel's POV

It was evening time now. The clouds were thick and the full moon crept behind the clouds, barely showing its glow. The night air was fresh and crisp, much cooler than the afternoon was.

You'd woken up earlier and saw Aly gently sleeping with her head on a rock. It didn't look the least bit comfortable, but you weren't about to move her. Not after the argument you had that morning. You just let her sleep and went to look for some wood to make a fire.

By the time you came back with the wood, Aly was awake just leaning up against the same rock. Her eyes looked lifeless and she didn't speak to you. You didn't blame her. Hell, if you were her you would've done the same. She just watched as you started to set the fire pit up.

A couple hours went by and it was maybe around 10:00pm. You and Aly were sitting around the crackling fire. You were sitting on a small rock on one side, and she sat opposite you, separated by the fire. The meal of the day was a couple cans of beans and corn. Not the best thing in the world. You'd have to go hunting for deer soon before the cans of food ran out. There was still quite a bit left, but just to be on the safe side. You didn't know how long it'd take to get to Salt Lake City at this point. You just had to go and fuck up the truck.

You were still so pissed about what went down earlier. If you would've just slowed down like Aly tried to tell you maybe you wouldn't be in this mess. But no. You had to go and do the opposite of what she said. You were so stubborn, especially in this time of life. The outbreak had hardened your heart in every way. You weren't even sure you had a heart anymore.

You scowled at yourself as you thought about what you said to Aly. How you blamed her for ending up here. How it was her fault. It really wasn't though. It was your own damn fault. You had every intention to make her hate you, to despise you so much that she wanted to leave that you'd say anything to put that in motion.

You thought about that moment when she looked like she was contemplating on leaving. She had looked back into the forest, away from you. Her stare was so distant and sad too. You had made her want to leave for those few seconds, and that made you want to die. You needed to do it though. No, you had to do it. You had to make her believe that you wanted her gone. For her own good.

She didn't need to stick around. You weren't good for her, you weren't good for anyone. Memories of the past clouded your head. It was foggy and distant inside, but you remembered. You remembered everything...

You took another bite of beans as the bbq taste slid down your throat. They were still warm from the fire and slightly chewy. Aly was sitting across from you, slowly taking bites from her own can.

She was really quiet tonight. She hadn't said a word to you. She was clearly upset, you could see it in her eyes. Her eyes got slightly darker when she was mad. A feature you'd caught on too quickly. You caught her every once in a while glancing up at you behind long, dark eyelashes. Once you locked eyes she'd look back down at her can of beans. It was a vicious cycle.

The silence was starting to kill you. The tension hung in the air, not letting either of you speak. Every time you tried to say something you'd back down. It was useless. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Aly cleared her throat and you immediately looked up at her. She was struggling to find words until she finally found them.

"Are you ever going to tell me where you came from?" she asked lightly, afraid of what you might say. You shook your head and glanced down at your hands, focusing on the cool metal material in between your fingers. Your face was set in a hard line, your eyes unmoving. She got the hint as she didn't say anything. You looked up to see her just staring into the fire, her eyes glowing as the embers reflected across her blue eyes.