Look for the Light (Joel Miller fanfic)

Safe In My Arms

Joel's POV

Rain poured outside of the barn, darkness encasing the sky. It was wet and cold, but you were safe and dry inside the barn. You sat on the floor, pieces of hay laying underneath you. Only you weren't alone, you were holding Aly.

She was crying gently against your chest as tears spilled down her face, her arms wrapped around you so tight you couldn't pull away. You pulled her closer, letting one of your hands gently soothe her as you stroked up and down her back. Your other hand went to her soft brunette hair, gently running your hand through her long locks. Her hair felt like velvet and smelled like lilac. She smelled like a fresh spring day. You felt disoriented but pulled yourself out of the haze.

You could feel her body quietly shake as the tears continued.

Damn it, Joel. Look what you did. This was all your fault. If you wouldn't have pushed her over the edge then maybe you wouldn't be here trying to make up for the consequences of your actions. If you would've stopped trying to make her think you hated her. If you had just been nicer. Or maybe if you would've tried to at least open up to her instead of completely shutting her out. Just maybe you wouldn't have broken her even more than she already was.

After she told you about what happened to her family, you realized she was just as broken as you were. You didn't know what she had went through without them and how she got all the way to Boston. You never asked her about her backstory. You never intended to. Your whole plan was to get to Tommy as fast as you could. After that you'd make Aly go her separate way, wanting nothing to do with her.

You wanted so badly to make this girl hate you so much that she'd just leave before you even got to Tommy. That would've made things much simpler. You were starting to see that's not what you wanted anymore though. You wanted her to stay. No, you needed her to stay. And you saw that she just might need you too.

The front of your shirt became damp as tears soaked the material. You didn't mind, not this time. What mattered was that Aly needed you in this moment, and all you cared about was trying to bring her comfort after completely wrecking her.

Your right hand continued to lightly graze through her silky hair. She burrowed into your side as her head rested against your chest. Her breathing was shallow, her body starting to relax into you more. You found it oddly comforting having her wrapped in your arms. You were almost afraid to admit that you could get used to this. Used to having her around, used to holding her like this...

"You're alright. I'm not going anywhere," you breathed into her ear. She slowly lifted her head and looked up at you. A teardrop fell against her cheek, and you wiped it away by gently grazing your thumb across it. Her eyes were the brightest blue you'd ever seen them. Ocean eyes looked up into yours, meeting your dark eyes. She was so beautiful, and you were the reason she was crying. You cursed yourself for being so reckless with her feelings.

"You mean that?" she asked as her eyes turned a darker shade of blue.

"I swear," you said as you nodded to her, giving her your word.

"Okay," she breathed as she sank back into you, her arms encasing you again. You caressed the back of her head and gently leaned into her. Her hands latched against your shirt, pinning you to her.

Your heart was pounding in your chest from all the chaos that had happened in the past hour. It wasn't just from adrenaline. No, it was also because you were starting to feel things for this girl. From the moment you wrapped your arms around her, you knew.

You had a sick, twisted feeling that all this would turn bad. That you'd end up losing her in the end. And that meant you'd lose yourself again. Your hands balled into a fist at the thought of that. You looked out into the rain, trying to focus on your breathing. You let out a sigh as you continued to hold Aly in your arms. She was so close now that she was almost in your lap. She started shivering again, either from being cold or from reliving her past memories that haunted her.