FPE: Do i deserve you?

Insecurity

Lana continued her conversation with Claire while Abbie just watched them. Lana, of course, hadn't stopped hugging Abbie while she talked.

Abbie couldn't stop looking at her—her voice, her essence, everything left him feeling hypnotized. He felt the warm blush still on his cheeks. Engel barely noticed this as he was checking his homework from the day before.

Engel: "Hey Abbie, could you pass me a ruler-"

He looked at him.

Engel: "Abbie? I know you're really in love, but don't ignore me too."

Abbie: "H-Huh? What? Oh, yes, um, what do you need?"

He mumbled, barely looking at Engel.

Engel: "A ruler. Pay attention."

Abbie: "Yeah, yeah, a... ruler."

He handed him a pencil. Engel sighed and gave him a light tap on the hand with the pencil, making Abbie jump a little, snapping out of his fixed gaze on Lana.

Abbie: "H-Hey... Why did you do that? Rude."

He cuddled closer to Lana, curling up.

Engel: "You're distracted."

Claire: "Aww, leave him alone. At least he looks happier than usual now."

Lana: "What’s wrong, sweetheart? Hmm?"

Lana turned her attention back to Abbie, giving him some affection before class started.

Abbie: "Sorry, I got distracted..."

Engel: "Don't worry, I know you get distracted easily. It's fine."

Claire: "Here, take my ruler, Engel. Did you do the chemistry homework?"

Claire and Engel got distracted. The students had finished arriving, and each group was at their table. Abbie took advantage of this to timidly hold Lana’s hand and sigh. She returned the gesture, looking into his eyes.

Lana: "Are you still upset about that silly dream you had?"

Abbie: "N-No, I’m not upset... I’m... worried, you know? You have so many good qualities and I... I’m just me. I’m weak and can’t protect you like I’d like to. I can’t even defend myself, Lana."

He murmured in a sad tone while she tried to console him.

Lana: "Oh, Abbie... I don’t care about your physique. What I love about you is your heart, your feelings. Who you are..."

Abbie: "But... Others can offer you more, other guys could offer you better things, other guys could-"

Lana: "None of those guys are you."

Abbie fell silent, gently stroking the puppets on Lana's hands with a worried look.

Abbie: "I want to give you the best of me... I know my words may have charmed you, but I want to be worthy of you. Worthy of your love, I’d like to be your pillar."

He whispered, his words sincere but tinged with insecurity. His eyes were watery from the overwhelming feeling of his own insecurities invading him.

Suddenly, the teacher entered, and everyone quickly tried to stay quiet.

Lana then whispered to Abbie in his ear.

Lana: "We’ll talk about this later, okay? I don’t want you to keep feeling this way. During the break, we’ll spend some time alone."

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before returning to her notebook on the table.

Abbie just looked at her with a shy smile as he picked up his notebook too, but at the same time, he still couldn’t shake that bitter feeling from his heart.

He still felt like his heart was in quicksand inside. He tried to listen to the class, but again, he struggled to understand what the teacher was explaining. Lana gave him soft pats on the back, trying to give him some comfort.

A routine morning full of tasks; Abbie left the classroom exhausted along with Lana. She hugged him by the shoulder, trying to make him feel better.

Claire: "Hey, there are cupcakes in the cafeteria today. Don’t you guys want to come with us? Maybe it will cheer Abbie up."

Engel: "Or cookies. The cooking club makes some really good cookies."

Lana: "Hmm... Thanks, but I think I need some time alone with him, but we’ll catch up with you later, okay? Come on, Abbie."

Lana said in a soft tone as she pulled him by the hand towards the library. He followed her without protesting, still admiring her in silence as they walked through the cold corridors and tried to ignore the stares of others in the hallways.

Lana and Abbie arrived at the library. She led him to the second floor, to a table in the corner where almost no one usually goes, and they sat down together.

Lana: "Alright... Can you tell me exactly what you dreamed?"

Abbie: "I umm... You’re going to think I’m insecure, Lana. I don’t think it’s a good idea, I..."

Lana: "Abbie, please... I want to listen to you like you do with me. I can’t expect you to give me your love and not give anything in return..."

Abbie: "I feel... inadequate. I dreamed that umm..."

Abbie couldn’t look her in the eyes, the memory of that nightmare still haunting him; it felt so real that his little heart hurt.

Abbie: "I-I dreamed that you went with a-a different guy... That you kissed him in front of me and said you only accepted me out of pity..."

His eyes watered again. It’s true that Abbie is a sensitive boy, so these kinds of things affect him a lot. Lana looked at him worriedly as she held him in her arms.

Lana: "I would never do that... Don’t doubt my love for you, Abbie, don’t. I love you; you have my heart, and I have yours. Our love is mutual, and I wouldn’t change it for anything."

Abbie: "I’m just... Sorry, I don’t want to sound like a toxic person. I don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to sound like I’m desperate."

Lana: "Don’t worry about that. You know I want to listen to you. I don’t want you to feel so insecure. I know how hard it is for you to feel confident in yourself..."

Abbie: "Sorry for that..."

Lana: "It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault for feeling that way, don’t apologize. Look, let’s do something. What would you like me to do to make you feel more secure? Be honest."

Abbie hesitated for a moment, shyly stroking his arms.

Abbie: "W-Well... If you let me see your phone from time to time, maybe I’d feel more secure?"

He murmured shyly, feeling guilty for asking something like that since he felt it sounded controlling.

Lana: "Alright, that’s what we’ll do then."

She took out her phone and went into settings.

Lana: "Put your finger here."

Abbie did so, a little confused. The phone detected his fingerprint as a second unlock method.

Lana: "There, now you have access to my phone whenever you want. You can check it right now if you like."

Abbie, surprised, took the phone when Lana handed it to him. He took a deep breath and finally decided to check Lana’s phone.