SECRET LOVE, hotchniss

8

(SEASON TWO, EPISODE TWELVE)

Though this case wasn't even close to the worst things she had seen, it definitely topped the list as the worst. Hearing the things Derek struggled with as a child was harrowing and made her sick to the stomach.

She had seen countless child abuse cases during her career, but finding out it had happened to Derek, someone she was already so fond of, was nothing short of horrific. She couldn't even imagine how the rest of the team were feeling.

Rifling through his life, uncovering every secret he held felt wrong. It felt like another violation to him and she could see that. As if the original trauma wasn't enough, now his closest friends, colleagues, family knew everything he had tried to protect them from.

Emily couldn't help but put herself in his shoes, only for a moment, to acknowledge how she would feel if they had to do the same to her. If they uncovered all the awful things that had happened to her, and that she had done. She didn't know them well yet, but she hoped that they would one day come to love and respect her enough that if they ever did find out - which they wouldn't -  they wouldn't let that change how they thought or felt about her. That they would treat her as the same person they had gotten to know.

She made a silent promise to Derek to give him that same respect.

She was so proud of him though, standing in-front of his colleagues and talking about his trauma was one of the bravest things she'd ever seen. She doubted she would have the same strength if it had been her.

When they made it to the jet she could see the whole team was exhausted, physically and emotionally. She walked to the stairs of the jet alongside Derek, her bag slipped and fell to the ground slowing her, allowing him to get on first to get first pick of the chairs. She wanted to let him decide if he was ready to sit with people, or if he wanted one of the solitary chairs to be alone with his thoughts.

He chose a single seat and she walked past him on her way to the window seat of the small 4 person table. No one else had climbed aboard yet, Emily assumed they were all having one last debrief about Derek before hopping on the jet.

Emily stowed her bag quickly above her seat before heading to the mini bar and pulling out two small bottles of beer - something they always kept in there, not FBI issue of course. She popped the tops and walked down to Derek, handing him one of the bottles. He looked up at her, graciously taking the bottle and giving her a half smile.

He looked nervous, as if she was going to sit in the other single seat beside him and talk. Something she could tell he was absolutely not ready for.

She held the remaining bottle in her hand, gripping it as she gave a small 'hands up' gesture.

"Not trying to talk -" she said smiling, she could see a wave of relief flood his face.

"Just thought you could use one of these." She quickly pointed to the beer before walking back to her own seat and sitting down. She was just about to slide her headphones on when she heard him call her name.

"Emily..." he spun in his chair to face her.

"Thank you." He gave her a smile, and she returned it.