"Earth to Saskia! Hello! What do you think?"
Elna Jensen, my brother's fiancée, waves vigorously at me. I blinked, realising I was in the middle of choosing between the eucalyptus and baby breath combo or the rustic concept of terrariums for her wedding's centrepieces, right before my so-called philosophical analysis about the perfect man and relationships interrupted our discussion.
I sighed, feeling the burden of making the perfect choice weighing me down. It's not enough that I have to help my 'passive groom' brother - I am also her maid of honour. While you think someone like Elna would have those typical girl squad and the likes to help her settle all these burdensome wedding preparations, she is very picky about choosing who breathes the same air as her. Counter-intuitively, she chooses my one and only brother, Sebastian Klassen. And me.
Elna would be the standard definition of beauty with a brain, the kind who becomes your school's valedictorian and cheer team captain at the same time. She has long, beautiful golden hair, a cross between Rumpelstiltskin's golden threads and Rapunzel's gleaming yellow glow.
Going back to benchmarking the perfect guy, my brother is not even close. I love my brother, but I believe that Elna, being her hopelessly romantic self, deserves someone better than him, someone who has the whole package to meet all her expectations. Someone like Romeo Montague, perhaps, but with a steady corporate job and real estate.
"Terrariums are cool, I think." I slid the photo of the terrariums inside a geometric glass vase towards Elna.
I could see Elna's eyebrows furrowed, signalling her displeasure. "I am not looking for 'cool', Saskia. It's my wedding day. It has to be the perfect centrepiece."
I leaned back in my chair and pushed my opened palms forward at her, admitting defeat. "You know I am apathetic about these kinds of things, Elna. I just..."
Before I could finish my sentence, Elna suddenly burst into tears. "You have to care, you have to! Bastian doesn't even care about the wedding details and agrees with everything I say, which is not helping! Now you?! I feel so alone doing all of this by myself! I feel like a fool, being the only one interested in this wedding! Maybe I should call off this entire thing!"
Panic rushed into me. I immediately stood up and hurriedly grabbed both of Elna's shoulders. "Please don't cancel the wedding. I am so sorry if I made you upset. Please marry my brother and take him away from me. I beg you. You are the only one in this world who can love him so much despite all his quirks. Please."
With that, Elna wipes her teary eyes and lets out a short laugh. "You are so hard on Bastian sometimes. Deep down, he is a good person, you know? He is my prince charming, after all."
While controlling my urge to barf at the image of my brother wearing a crown and giving me a princely wave, I returned to my chair and slumped into it, relieved. "Good that you think that way. At least he has done something right in this life for once."
After composing herself, Elna held pictures of the centrepieces before her. "I guess I have to sleep on this." As she put down the photos, she looked at me and asked, "By the way, did you know Declan's coming back for the wedding?"
Declan Hayes. How would I know my first unrequited love would be my brother's best friend? A sudden nervous energy fills my body at the mention of his name. I could feel my heart ache, like millions of silver needles poking into it. Has it been two years?
I looked down, trying to avoid eye contact with Elna. "Oh? That's nice, I guess?"
"He better damn well come back. I had to postpone my wedding because of him! Huh! Any longer, I would board on the nunship. Ugh, I am too stressed to think right now. Let's order some desserts!"
"Well, technically, it is not his fault. China closes its borders for overseas travel due to the pandemic." I slurped my glass of orange juice until nothing but ice was left. I signalled the waiter for another one.
"I know, I know... I was being dramatic. That poor guy. Can't believe he managed to go through Sera's passing all by himself." Elna continues to flip through the dessert menu in total concentration.
My heart was wrenching profusely. I wish I could tell Elna that he didn't go through it alone. I was (virtually) there for him throughout his grieving period. I was his factotum for support - from being his alarm clock and his food order taker to being his human sleepy potion. I was his unpaid on-call person. I went through all his cyclical mood swings until he got better.
Then he got better. Then he decided I was smothering him. Then I'm left with nothing because I gave up all my energy to save him. At one point, I finally decided to cut the cord abruptly, thinking that he would run back for me, but the word 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' doesn't apply to someone like me, who was never present in his heart or mind in the first place.
Not only did he become the first guy to break my heart, but he also became my lowest benchmark.
