It was precisely 7:55 AM when I received a text from Miranda:
"Take the day off today. Come back with a clearer mind on how you'd want to proceed with the arrangement tomorrow. I'll be waiting."
I groaned, slumping back into the soft embrace of my bed. The magnetic pull was irresistible, and I wasn't in the mood to fight it. I surrendered completely, letting the warmth of the blankets envelop me. By the time I opened my eyes again, it was 10:30 AM. Great. I'd wasted two hours when I could've been out hunting for jobs or at least being productive. This won't do.
Dragging myself up, I muttered, "Sorry, lover, gotta leave you for a short while. I'll be back." The bed didn't argue, but I still wanted to crawl back in.
I forced some fake enthusiasm into my brain, gave myself a pep talk, and managed to shower, rummage through my organised mess of a wardrobe for my best clothes, and put on some light makeup. A final look in the mirror—voila. Ready to seize the day. Or at least, fake like I could.
My phone rang, the screen flashing with Bastian's name. Video call. I braced myself and swiped to answer.
"Yo, sis. Wow. Are you out for work or a date?" His teasing grin quickly faded as he studied my face. I didn't need to say anything; being the annoying know-it-all that he is, he caught on fast.
"What's going on with you?" His expression softened, concern etching into his features.
"It's my company's retrenchment season." I dragged a bean bag closer and collapsed onto it. This tiny studio of mine didn't allow for much else besides the two chairs in my so-called dining area. It felt smaller every day.
"Oh damn. That sucks, sis." His tone matched the sympathetic look on his face.
"Yeah, what are ya gonna do? Life sucks sometimes." I stood up and wandered into my mini kitchen, pretending to observe the world through the window as if the answer to my dilemma was somewhere out there, waiting.
"How badly are you impacted? Did they lay you off?" Of course, Bastian wouldn't let me slide with vague answers.
"It's like diving into quicksand, but only my head's still above water. If you get the analogy."
Bastian nodded, then asked, "How much?"
"Forty per cent." The words felt heavy. My brain felt numb, but my heart—yeah, that stung.
"Forty per cent? Are they freaking serious? This is bullshit, Saskia, and you know it." He shot to his feet, and I could see the frustration boiling in his eyes. "Let me have a word with Miranda. That company is leeching off your energy, passion, and dedication."
"It's okay, Bastian. I have until tomorrow to figure my shit out. You just chill, okay? I'm a grown-ass woman. I can take care of myself." I appreciate his overprotective nature, but it was never him who made me feel safe. It was always... Declan. My constant hero. The one I fell in love with and never stopped loving.
"Yo, Saskia, are you listening?"
Shit. I needed to stop letting my mind wander to Declan and focus on my actual brother, who was genuinely concerned about me.
"Sorry, Bastian. Too much on my mind. You were saying?"
"I'm going to call Adrian and get you a job. You're a real talent, sis. Don't waste your graphic skills on a company that doesn't value you. You could make a fortune somewhere that deserves you."
"Adrian? Your best friend from college?" The mention of Adrian instantly brought back memories of those days—of Declan, Bastian, and Adrian playing computer games together.
"Yes, that Adrian. Let me give him a call right now." Bastian was already moving, ready to hang up.
"Wait, wait... isn't he in Shanghai or something?" I could barely stop myself from saying it, the mention of Shanghai triggering a cascade of memories I was trying hard to bury. Declan, damn it. Why did you have to leave? Why do you always have to resurface in my mind at the worst possible times?
Bastian gave me an exasperated look. "So what? It's the 21st century, sis. Post-pandemic, everyone can work from anywhere. You just need your machine, drawing tablet, and decent Wi-Fi. Boom. Problem solved."
I hesitated, unsure of how to respond. As I opened my mouth to say something, Bastian interrupted, "Geez, I wanted to call you about the wedding but forgot. Let me get in touch with Adrian first, and then I'll call you when I remember the wedding stuff. Bye." And just like that, he hung up.
Typical Bastian. Always rushing, saying his piece, and then leaving. He'd always say I chose Declan over him, but he never really understood.
The truth is, I'd always choose Declan over anyone. He is the love of my life, even if he doesn't know it. Even if it's unrequited.
