An Impossible Attraction

Chapter thirty seven

Tracy stood in front of the mirror, her heart was beating loud in her chest that she could hear the beats as clear as day in her ears. Her eyes watered like it has been doing since last night and she dapped under her eyes to clear the tears. She didn’t want her make-up artist to complain about her ruining her make-up for the third time. She glanced at herself in the mirror, she looked beautiful, so beautiful but she had only one wish, if only her heart can look as happy as her make-up made her out to be, everything would be perfect.
She glanced at her stomach that was showing her baby bump a little, it wasn’t that obvious that people who weren’t aware would notice but she knew and she placed her hand on her stomach just as the father’s face flashed in her mind and she wondered where he could be. After dropping her off last evening, he still insisted that he had to pick something up for Steven and so left. He ended up not showing up for dinner and this morning, Lucy had said he didn’t come home and neither was he picking her calls. She had called too but his number was now switched off.
Lucy is worried; she knows that, she could see it on her face even though she tried to hide it by smiling and chatting happily with her in-laws. Deep in her heart, she wished Nathan wouldn’t show up, she was already having doubts now and one word from him might change her mind. She had taken the previous night to think deeply, yes her mother was pregnant and unmarried but she was her happy. Her Granny was pregnant and unmarried and was happy and now she owns a moderate farm in Texas, leaving off her years happily. Why would she be married and unhappy? What’s so bad in being pregnant and unmarried? She isn’t rich but she isn’t poor, she can look after her child, she could provide the basic necessities, so what is the problem?
But she knew that deep down within her, she just does not want to end up like her mother and also, the only man she wants now, she won’t be allowed to have, and that was her biggest obstacle. The fact she cannot be with him is the only thing pushing her to continue with the wedding. But how can she be so sure? How can she know she can’t have him without trying first? This was the battle she faced with her conscience throughout the night.
She heard the door open and heaved a sigh to clear her thought before glancing at the woman that had entered her bedroom through the mirror. She forced a smile her way and the woman walked up to her, staring at her in awe. “You are so beautiful, you remind me of myself when I was younger,” she chuckled and hugged her from behind, kissed her hair before turning her to face her.
Tracy heaved a sigh, “what was it like on your wedding day?”
“Oh,” Lucy chuckled, “it was the happiest day of my life,” she closed her eyes and reminisced about the day, “I couldn’t wait for morning to come. I was awake as early as 3:00AM,” she chuckled. “Naomi had to force me to go back to sleep, she said she would wake me up once it was daylight. After trying so hard, I finally went back to sleep and yet I woke up before Naomi,” she smiled and cupped her cheek. “I was so restless because I couldn’t wait to be his wife. I kept on thinking that if I oversleep, I might keep him waiting at the altar. Brian has that power over me, if it wasn’t him that day, I don’t think there would have been any other.”
Tracy smiled, “you couldn’t wait to be his wife?”
“I couldn’t, nothing would have made me happier than that. I used to say then that if I have a daughter, I will tell her that if a man doesn’t make you wish for a wedding day, then you shouldn’t be with him. Because if you wish to be with a man, you would want to marry him, to make him all yours and yourself all his,” she smiled.
“Were you nervous on that day?”
“Oh yes, I was nervous. I was nervous that he might change his mind, and that I might get to the altar and he won’t be there. I was afraid that he might get tired of waiting for me to show up and then leave,” she chuckled, “I was afraid of anything not making me his and he mine.”
“You love him that much?” Tracy asked.
“O I do, Trace, with all my heart, and that’s how you should feel about any man you are marrying.” She heaved a deep sigh, “but I will be honest with you, I don’t like Gary, Trace, I only tolerate him because he makes you happy. But since last night, I have been having the feeling that you don’t want to go on with this and I want to tell you, if you are doing this for the baby, you shouldn’t. Tracy, marriage is more than a child. A child would grow up, fall in love and marry the lover, leaving you alone with your husband. Marriage is more about you and him, children is secondary.” She heaved a sigh and caressed her cheek, “I know you don’t want to be like your mom, single and unmarried but I will be honest with you, not marrying your father was the best decision your mother ever made. Forgive me, but he was a selfish cheating jerk, he didn’t deserve your mother one bit. Gary ruled out his space in my heart when he cheated on you.”
Tracy closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh.
Lucy caressed her cheek once more, “don’t be afraid of ending up like your mother and then missed the good part of it. She saved herself from a lonely life, a life filled with bitterness. She didn’t know that then, but along the years, she figured it out. She was happier than ever without him and you were such a darling, putting a smile on her face every single time,” she smiled tearfully and sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you this, I wanted to support you in every decision you make. But after reading off that signal from you last night, I couldn’t sleep and I know that Naomi will never be happy with me if I sit and watch you make a mistake. So I’m telling you, if it’s just about the baby, then it’s not too late to make the right decision, we can raise him Trace, just like Naomi and I raised you, just like you and I raised Nathan,” she smiled, “he will have all the love in the world, I promise you that.”
The door opened, interrupting them. They both turned to see Gary’s cousin looking like the bride herself in her white gown, “the car is ready.”
Lucy nodded and turned to Tracy, she reached for her veil and covered her face then she looked at her, “I will support you every step of the way and Nathan too. We both know he hasn’t showed up because of how he feels about you know who. He might not attend, but I want you to know that he loves you, and he would support you too.”
Tracy reached under her veil and dapped at her eyes; she sniffled and smiled at Lucy, “thank you.”
“Anytime my darling, now let’s go,” she smiled and led her out of the house and into the car.
The ride was too short for Tracy for she hadn’t arrived at a decision with her conscience. Lucy’s words have been playing in her head all through the ride and she knew there was a ninety percent chance her attitude would change if she knew who the father of her baby really is. But it’s not a must that she would tell her now right? She can tell her later in the future. But what if she still refused to accept her, what if she ended up hating her and wanting nothing to do with her, what if?
“Tracy, let’s go,” Lucy called after not getting a reaction from her and she smiled apologetically and got down from the car. Lucy checked her once more and smiled when she saw everything was in place, “see you inside,” she whispered and went into the church.
There was no one to walk Tracy to the altar and hand her over to Gary, she hadn’t thought about it earlier to make arrangement for someone but at the moment, she didn’t even care. She heaved a deep sigh, her fingers tightening on her bouquet of roses and she closed her eyes and heaved a sigh as the door opened and the music started to welcome her in.
Gary was standing at the altar looking handsome in his blue suit, Tracy stared at him and then her mind played a game at her that in place of Gary, it was Nathan, standing there and watching her with those blue eyes of his and smiling so beautifully like only he knows how to. She took a quick glance at the audience and he wasn’t there, he was nowhere to be seen. Her eyes welled up again and she blinked continuously to keep the tears at bay. She found herself wishing for the aisle to be longer but then, in the blink of an eye, she was standing before him. Gary reached for her hand and she took a deep breath before placing her hand in his. He smiled and turned her with him to face the priest while Tracy handed her flowers to his cousin.
The priest started with the ceremony but Tracy heard not a word, her conscience was still battling with her if she was doing the right thing. Lucy’s words kept repeating in her head with Nathan’s face hovering over her mind and the next thing she heard was someone saying ‘I do’.
She looked up at the smiling Gary immediately, surprised that they had gotten to that part already and then she heard her name. “Do you Tracy Foster take this man, Gary Winchester to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, in rich and in poor, to love and to cherish, till deaths do you part?”
Tracy could hear her heart beating loudly in her chest, she looked up at Gary and he smiled at her, waiting for her to acknowledge her vow. She looked down at their joined hands and then closed her eyes, her heart beating frantically and she stopped herself from hyperventilating considering the commotion going on inside her. It was like every where quieted down and only the sound of her heartbeat was heard. Lucy’s words kept playing and replaying in her head. Nathan’s happy face flashed in her mind and then replaced with the sorrowful one she had seen ever so often of recent. She knew everyone was waiting for her; she could hear the whispers even though they tried to be quiet. She could feel the urgency in Gary as his fingers tightened on hers. It’s just two words, why is it so hard to say? And then she heard it, the voice she had been longing to hear all morning.
“Trace.” She turned sharply and Nathan was standing by the door, he looked so ragged and still in yesterdays wears. His platinum blonde hair was disheveled and his sparkling blue eyes looked so lost and without a single light in them. He took a step closer, his facial expression showed off his difficulties. She could hear the whispers around but all her attention was on him and why he was looking like that. “Please,” he said, taking another step. “Trace, please…” he stopped and closed his eyes, then he ran his fingers through his disheveled hair and shook his head, “I’m sorry,” he whispered and opened his eyes, “I shouldn’t be here, please continue,” and turned to run off.
“Nathan,” she called before she could stop herself, “wait.”