An Impossible Attraction

Chapter forty

“Tracy,” Nathan called softly, he hadn’t been able to sleep since last night and he was at her door first thing in the morning. He had been knocking but there was no answer so he went to her window hoping she would answer to him like she did last night. “Trace,” he called a little louder, “are you okay?”
“Nathan,” someone called and he turned to see his mom standing outside of the front porch, “what are you doing?” Lucy asked.
Nathan sighed, “Mom, please.”
“Where were you since last night?”
“I was outside, in the car.”
“Why did you spend the night outside?”
“When you will not let me stay inside,” he answered.
“What do you mean by that? I never asked you to leave the house.”
Nathan heaved a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair, “Mom, please…”
“Come here.”
“What?” Nathan glanced at her in shock.
“Come here, Nathaniel!”
“Give me a minute, I will be right there.”
“No, come here right now.”
“Mom stop, I am not a child. I will be there in a minute.”
“You don’t understand how difficult this is for me,” Lucy sniffled, “it’s not every day you find out that your children are sleeping together.”
“We are not siblings, okay? Stop making it sound like we committed an abomination.”
“I raised you like siblings, Naomi and I did. I have always seen her as a daughter and your sister. For goodness sake Nathan, she is my goddaughter. I mean, even if you don’t understand this, she should, she is the adult. How could she do this, and to me?”
Nathan had the feeling that Tracy might be hearing what they are saying and the last thing he wants was her to hate herself some more. Ever since their relationship started, Lucy has always been her problem and he could imagine how it would hurt her seeing she was right all along. He heaved a sigh and walked back to his mother then he grabbed her hand to drag her into the house, “we will talk inside.”
“Why?” Lucy asked, “you don’t want her to hear how disappointed I am in her. You care more about her feelings than mine?”
“I care about both of you, I love you both. You are failing to understand the situation here. I am in love with her.”
“Yes, and so bye-bye to mom right?”
“Mom please, stop this,” he sighed, “we will talk inside.”
“I have always known that you would be this protective and I have always loved it, but I didn’t know it would backfire at me someday.”
“Nothing is backfiring at you mom, stop imagining things.”
Lucy sniffled and wiped away her tears, “I didn’t sleep a wink last night,” she sniffled once more, “why did you do it? Didn’t you think about me, about my feelings and how this whole thing would affect us all?”
Nathan ran his fingers through his hair and glanced at his feet, “a part of me had hoped you would understand and would even be happy that it was her, I mean, you love her so much. A part of me had hoped you would be thrilled to have her as your daughter in law. To know that she would stay in your family forever, to strengthen the bond between you and Aunt Naomi.” He looked at her, “I had hoped you will understand my feelings mom,” his eyes were tearing over, “I had hoped you would put me first over the society. I had hoped my happiness would worth more to you over what anyone would say, I had hoped, mom.” A tear trailed down his cheek and he wiped it away quickly, he sniffled and glanced around them, “but it turns out, you care more about what people would think,” he looked back at her.
“Nathan…” Lucy reached to cup his cheeks but he took a step back to avoid her touch.
“You know, I didn’t sleep a wink too, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said and then it made me wonder how much you love me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“So, if given the opportunity, you will hurt my child?”
Lucy closed her eyes, “Nathan…”
“No, I want to understand. You said you will figure out what to do about the child, what does that mean? You are going to make her have an abortion? How are you going to do it? Are you going to force her to go to the clinic with you or would you trick her into taking the pills?”
“Nathan, you are going too far,” Lucy rushed to defend herself, “I had only just spoken, I haven’t thought about anything. I love Tracy, you know that and I would never think of hurting her. All these things are tolling on my emotions. I would have preferred you came to me and told me than to reveal it in front of the whole town. I would have appreciated if I was given a heads up before it was dumped on me that my eighteen year old son impregnated a twenty eight years old woman. For goodness sake, put yourself in my shoes Nathan. How would you feel if you just find out about this kind of thing about your son? You don’t expect me to hug you and tell you ‘you did good son’. You don’t expect me to welcome everything with open arms. I am a mother for crying out loud and I have to think about your future, her future, both of your futures. You both are my responsibility. Do you know the stigma you will have to live with now? Do you know the stigma she has to live with now? Do you think this is a joke, you think it’s everyone that is going to believe it started in Hawaii?”
Nathan sighed and closed his eyes; he knew his mom was right, he had just hoped that maybe —just maybe— things would be different. That people won’t see anything bad in this, after all he and Tracy are known to be together all the time. He had hoped that somehow, people would have been thinking and hoping for them to get together. How easy would that leave everything?
“This is a lot to take in, Nathan, even for a mother who loves her son dearly. No mother would just accept this Nathan,” she sniffled and patted his cheek, “know this,” then she sobbed and walked passed him into the house.
Nathan ran his fingers through his hair and then kicked the dirt angrily, his eyes went to Tracy’s house and a part of him wished she didn’t hear their discussion, for goodness sake, she doesn’t need any of this that is happening right now, it’s not good for her health nor the baby’s. But he knew it was inevitable. Perhaps it is better that it’s happening now, hopefully everything would be settled before the baby is born because the last thing he wants is his baby to come into this world where everybody is not at peace or for his birth to bring the chaos. He sucked in a deep breath to calm himself down. Then staring at Tracy’s house one last time, he walked to his Jeep and got in, driving out to clear his head.
Tracy closed her eyes and sobbed as she heard the car drive away, she had heard him the first time he called her. She had heard his insistent knocking and was just contemplating whether to open the door or not when she heard him calling for her and had decided to answer to him when she heard Lucy’s voice. Nothing would have made her show her face at that time, seeing Lucy was her greatest fear at the moment and after hearing everything the woman has to say, she knew staying there wouldn’t be wise anymore.
It would take long for Lucy to forgive her, that she knows now and the more she stays around, she might just be hurting her more and causing feud between her and her son. It was not like her absent was going to change anything but it would be better for all of them, her especially. The last thing she wants was to constantly hear them fight with each other and knowing that she was the cause, she won’t recover from the damage and neither will any of them. So the best thing to do at the moment is to leave. It might not be the right decision but she would prefer to stay anywhere else but Midville.
She got up from the floor and reached for her phone that was on the bed, sitting on the foot of the bed, she dialed a number and prayed that everything would work out fine. The number connected and an elderly woman’s voice drifted from the other side. “Tracy dear, I have been calling you all night.”
“Good morning Granny.”
“Good morning dear, what happened, your husband couldn’t even let you answer this old woman’s call?” she chuckled.
Tracy wanted to share in her humor but she couldn’t, she heaved a sigh and thought of the best way to tell her. “Granny, the wedding didn’t hold.”
“What?” she could hear the woman’s shock as clear as day in her voice, “what happened, he didn’t show up?”
Tracy sniffled and shook her head, then she remembered she couldn’t see her, “granny can I come over, I will tell you everything, I promise.”
“Oh dear, you don’t need to seek for my permission, this is your home.”
Tracy sobbed, she knew she could still tell her when she sees her but she just wanted to tell her over the phone first, “Granny, I’m pregnant.”
She heard the woman sigh and then she said, “come home Tracy, I will look after you, just like I looked after your mother.”
That was all Tracy needed to hear and she hung up the call. She didn’t bother to pack much of her clothes, she just grabbed her duffel bag and put anything her hand touched in it. She was still dressed in her wedding gown so she took it off then and put on a jean and a shirt. Wrapping her hair in a messy bun, she went into the bathroom and washed her face then she came out and grabbed her bag. She knew Nathan would hate her if he finds out what she did but she promised herself to call him once she settled in Texas.
She heaved a deep sigh and grabbed her car key, and then she left the house. Getting into her car, she glanced at Nathan’s house and sighed, a part of her wanted her to wait for him to get back, to get his permission first, after all, the baby she carries is his and he has a say and also, her fight with Gary yesterday made her realize just how much she loves him and clearly not sisterly. She heaved a sigh and prayed in her heart that he would understand that she is not running away to be with him but just to clear her head and give his mother time to accept the fact that she carries his child and may be stuck with him for the rest of her life. She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly before she started the car and with one more glance at the house, she reversed out of the driveway and drove off.
Standing beside the window, Lucy let down the curtain and sighed, it hurts her to see Tracy go but it is for the best, Midville won’t be peaceful for her anymore. She went and sat on the sofa and closed her eyes, Naomi’s face flashed in her mind and she sniffled, “please Naomi, understand me,” she whispered and then sobbed softly.