Astronomical (girlxgirl)

Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Forty-Nine (Rose's POV)

When I met Skye again for English, she stood a little further away than usual as we walked down the hall. I racked my brain to think of what I had done to upset her. Maybe it's because I snapped at Mickey in the car...

I felt only slightly reassured when she smiled and wound our fingers together under the desk. Kat was subbing for Mr Mosley again – I hope he has pneumonia and dies – so we were allowed to do what we wanted for an hour.

"I finished reading To Kill A Mockingbird last night..." I declared severely, pulling Skye's attention away from her notebook. "You are a liar, Skye – I also stayed up to watch the movie, and it was way better than the book..."

I leant forward to brush my nose against her cheek with a playful smirk, "Whatever are you going to do to make it up to me?..." Did her shoulders stiffen?

Despite her blank expression, I could hear her heartbeat increase, "I'm sorry, Rose..."

I frowned, What the fuck? She's serious right now... "You do know I'm only joking, right? I was just angling for a kiss..." I have to watch what I say when she is in this mood...

I clenched my right fist, sick to fucking death of Skye feeling the need to say sorry all the time.

Can't she see she is beautiful inside and out, and could never do anything wrong? "I don't want to ever hear you apologise again when you haven't done something wrong", I growled, realising it came out too harshly when I smelt the toxic fear clinging to her.

Carefully now, Rose...

"Hey..." I softened my tone and slowly tilted her chin with a gentle finger. "Even if you did something ridiculous like keying my car or put caramel syrup in my coffee, I wouldn't be mad at you..."

Her voice was tremulous as she muttered, "Sorry... oh – wait! Ah... not sorry..."

I went to brush her hair behind her ear but dropped my hand as she subtly flinched away. Way to ruin everything, I snarled to myself.

I resolved to try and think before I fucking spoke, heartbroken that Skye had shut down. I could only just hear her over the chatter of other students as she whispered, "I just... I was eighty per cent sure you were joking, but I thought it was better to be safe than sorry... So, I apologised..." I couldn't stand another second of this.

I shook my head, "I'm sorry, love; I just get frustrated because I can see how much you blame yourself for things you have no control over..."

I sighed as she rested her head against my shoulder. I regretted snapping even more when I felt the soft skin of her neck against my upper arm. I can get a hold of my temper – for Skye's sake... She deserves so much better than this...

I looked up, meeting Helen's sad grey eyes. I could feel embarrassed anger darken my cheeks as I realised she had just witnessed me be a total asshole to my mate from across the classroom. I glanced away, not wanting to see the condemnation there...

Please don't tell anyone, Helen – I'm trying my hardest here, I mind-linked her. What would the others say if they knew I verbally lashed out at the one person I'm meant to protect above all else?

You beat yourself up too much, Rose, Helen responded, looking away to give us the illusion of privacy. I shook my head minutely, careful not to disturb Skye. Don't make excuses for me, H – I know I'm in the wrong...

She didn't respond, so I tried to distract myself by playing with Skye's hair again. I think I'm falling in love with her... If I'm serious about this mating bond, I have to try harder to be the best I can for Skye... I felt terrible that my little mate was seeking physical reassurance from me after I was the one that scared her, to begin with.

Class dragged on as I beat myself up, feeling as if I were hollow inside from the bitterness eating away at my internal organs. Woman the fuck up, Rose...

Skye held my hand, acting like nothing had happened as I walked her to History. She should have been mad at me, but she accepted my anger as if it were natural... She didn't even try to stand up for herself – just apologised for upsetting me...

Annie noticed something was wrong when she saw my stormy expression and the tightness around Skye's eyes – but didn't comment. I left them with a soft peck to Skye's head, trying to convey how sorry I was.

Nate didn't even scold me for not paying attention in Agriculture; he could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk.

Instead of following my best friend to the library at lunchtime, I stayed outside and headed around the Science building towards the track. I need to burn some energy, and Skye probably needs a little space after my fuck-up in English class...

I had PE last period but I could not wait another hour and a half to work out my emotions.

Skye asked where you were at lunch, Nate thought to me as he walked to Health class. I wasn't surprised when Annie chimed in, I think she is worried that she upset you – she spoke even less than usual as we finished the assignment...

I slumped into my seat in Algebra early for once. I'll sort things out this afternoon. Anns, can you drive Nate and Mickey home? I'll walk with Skye... 

I banged my head on the wood a few times but stopped when I heard the cheap desk creak in protest, Weak human furniture...

When I made my way to Skye's Early Childhood Development class after PE, I felt unfamiliar anxiety clench my stomach. I have no idea what to say to make things better...

Skye smiled at me as she stepped out of class, but it seemed forced. I waited for her to say something, but she just looked at her feet. "I thought I might walk you home today, love?" I offered quietly, hoping she said yes.

I just received a nod in return as she kept her expressive eyes turned downward. I saw Mickey glance at us from the parking lot worriedly, but I didn't bother mind-linking him.

The silence between Skye and I felt oppressive – I felt my skin itch, and my hands twitch as I tried to think of the right thing to say.

"Skye, love – I'm really sorry about earlier. I had no right to snap at you", I said, listening for her heartbeat. It's thundering... I should have kept my God-damn mouth shut, now and in English class...

She finally looked up, and I read the shock in her eyes, "You're sorry? I thought you were still mad at me for being a coward..." Where the fuck does she get these crazy ideas from?!

I tilted her chin back up when she tried to look away, "I was never mad at you, honey; I was angry at... at the situation. Because you felt the need to say sorry when you didn't even do anything wrong". I was astounded that she thought that, Why isn't she upset at me for being an asshole?

"But if I just realised you were joking, I wouldn't have apologised and upset you..." I saw her eyes cross as she looked at my nose. She always does that when she doesn't want to look me in the eye...

"Don't be ridiculous", I tried to sound firm but not angry. I felt my brain cramp as I realised, she was trying to apologise for apologising.

"I snapped because... I felt angry on your behalf – for always feeling you have something to apologise for..." I continued softly, reaching out to put my arm over her shoulder. 

I felt the knot in my stomach loosen when she didn't flinch away or shake me off, It's a God-damn miracle that Skye hasn't dumped my ass yet...

Her smile was more genuine this time, and the tightness in my chest receded at the appreciative look on her face. "You really are one of a kind, Rosie..."

Maybe you just don't realise how other people are meant to act, my sweet little mate; my saying sorry for being a bitch isn't exceptional. It's what you should expect from any decent person... I felt an aching sadness as I realised Skye didn't even have the self-worth to get upset when someone mistreated her.

That's going to change one day real soon; I will show her that she deserves to be treated right by everyone in her life.