Sorry Not Sorry

One

"Look. I already apologised for it, it's not that hard to accept that what I said was the truth."

The look in his eyes in so ingenuine, I almost laugh at the stupidity of him even apologising, which is hard to tell because my face is a mixture of anger and annoyance. I can feel myself going red as what I'm about to say plays out in my head, and the words blurt out of my mouth.

"So you think it's okay to send me death threats, go around calling me a slag and a bitch and then come back to me saying you miss me and wanna date me again?"

"Wha-" I don't even want to hear his reason, what he did will still be as bad, reason or no reason.

"And worst of all you were being shitty to my best friend?... You think that's okay, huh? Answer me Aidan!". I've already gathered a small audience that consists of people I've never seen in my life and hope to never see again.

"I didn't do anything, you're the one that has to apologise for breaking up with me!"

Those words echo in my head, as an eerie high pitch ringing sound gets louder in my ears. I feel a layer of water fall to the bottom of my eyes. I blink it away into the light, I don't want anyone thinking I'm weak. I'm not. I've just held everything in for too long. I try and swallow the uncomfortable lump in the back of my throat and try process the stupidity that is coming out of the mouth of someone I used to love.

"All you have to do is say sorry, it's not that hard."

I walk past him, hitting my shoulder into his. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, including Aidan's. I know he'll come back to me, that's for sure, he does every time.

I take the long way home, the last thing I want to do is get my parents involved in what's going on in my life. I walk down the long winding path as it already starts to turn dark, and the breeze starts to pick up. I love it like this.

It just occurs to me I'm supposed to be home. I slowly retrieve my phone from my bag. Nothing. They haven't even noticed I'm not there. Of course they haven't. I get up and drag my feet back along the long winding pathway.

7:39. I rub the dried tears and 'golden things' from my eyes, and lifelessly get out of bed. I don't want to go to school, but I also don't want to work at McDonalds, so I button up my shirt and put my tie and skirt on. I make my way downstairs. No-one is up yet; I always try to leave early to avoid any conversations that I start. I grab my toast, slightly burnt, out the toaster. Butter it and leave the house.

7:52. I have three tests today; Maths, Science and French. And an after-school detention, but at least Jack will be there, he asked me out two days ago. Kind of. He called because he said he was walking home and had no-one to call, I don't know how, but the topic changed to who we like, but it did. And I didn't want to say who, so I described how he looked; brown hair, blue-yellow eyes, tall. Jack. He acted like he had no idea, but we could both tell he knew.

He ended the call, left me for 7 minutes, then called me back telling me how his crush looked; long brown hair, hazel-brown eyes, average height, boy-Ish, three vowels and two 'l's in her name. In the moment I was so happy, but it felt wrong, like it was fake. But I was too excited to care.

8:12. I walk through the school gates and have already had enough of school.