Sorry Not Sorry

Two

It's so quiet. The detention managers are on their laptops, and Jack is right behind me, he keeps poking me and pulling my chair closer to him. It's not annoying. Yet. But it's the only thing that's keeping me from drowning in a void of my own boredom, he's playing with my hair, which I admit is nice. I'm drawing on my arm, because we're not allowed to have paper.

"That's really emo." He whispers in my ear. I turn slightly so no-one would notice. I give him a weird look.

"What you're drawing on your hand...It's emo." A small smirk creeps up his face as I go red and hide my arm. I love drawing eyes. Apparently now, according to Jack, it's emo.

3:55. Only 5 more minutes of this teasing and him playing with my hair.

"Alright! It's 4! You can leave now!". I grab my bag and leave the hall, see my friend Lexy and hug her, waiting for Jack to walk out, which is not long after.

"Heyyy!". I don't understand how he's not shy or at least embarrassed. Or maybe I'm just not good at this. I reply with a shaky hi, when he starts to talk with Lexy about going to the park.

"I can't go today, sorry Jack. But Isabell can, she's free today. Catch you later!". Lexy and Jack have always been good friends, I met Jack through Lexy, she's one of those people everyone knows and likes. Someone I wish I was.

Me and Jack start heading out of school, the first few seconds... or minutes are kind of awkward until we start talking, I'm not paying attention, just trying to figure out where we're going.

"Trust me. You'll love it! It's like a bridge and under is a lake and there's like a little area to sit. Just trust me!".

We walk through an area I suddenly recognise. I used to come here with my dad, when I was younger, playing in the little stepping stones, and rolling down hills. I trip as we make our way down a muddy hill and walk through bushes, the only path to under the bridge.

Jack smiles like he's proud of showing me this place and turns to me.

"Remember our deal?". he asks me about a deal. What deal.

"You said I can hug Lexy as long as I hug you... remember?". I try to read his eyes to understand what he's thinking, because his body language isn't showing it, but I can't, it's like a protective layer of numbness blocking his reality.

"Yeah. I remember but-". He hugs me, as if he's never going to let go, which he doesn't, and only loosens to look at my face, he can tell I'm about to say something, and I feel like the barrier in his eyes has fallen, a glistening shine in the corner of his eyes. He kisses me and pulls my head back onto his chest. And I live in the moment, as if nothing is happening apart from this. All the senses in my body can feel every nerve that is making contact with him. And we just freeze in this time. This moment.

We're lying down on the bank of the river, I'm in his arms, kept warm by only the heat of each other.

"I came here with Sienna, and Anna. But you're my favourite. If you could put up with Aidan, I'm almost sure we'll last forever."

I'm confused but try to brush off the weirdness of him telling me he did this exact thing with his exes. His sentences feel like a script, as if they've been re-used, re-cycled and worn out. I check my phone. 7:42. It's already way past what I'm supposed to be back by, I must have lost track of time.

"It's 7:42, I should probably leave now, I need to be home." My parents might have not noticed yesterday, but on Fridays I have after school tutoring, as if they think I'm either stupid or really smart.

"Why'd you have to go now? Can't you just say you were at a detention or something?"

"7:43. A four-hour detention? It's not likely they'll believe that Jack."

"Mmh. Okay fine. Can you walk me home?". I agree, I would feel too bad. I'm panicked because I'm already late and want to go home. I don't want to turn him down. We walk back down the path we came from, and the sun is already setting, leaving the sky in a pink-orange colour that suits this memory well. Jack grabs my hand, and we walk, laughing about how I blush easily.

Once we get to his house, I'm lost, I already told him I have no idea where we are, and I don't know the way back. Jack tells me to walk straight until I see shops and then I'll know where to go, I have to trust him. Or I would experience every child's worst fear for the first time, in a long time. He kisses me, which I already hate, I'm too young to be fucking with all this shit. I smile and say goodbye. I feel sad this moment is finished, but I feel lighter as I walk back home.

I only make it to the shops when I see the eight missed calls on my phone, last time this happened, was with Aidan. I hesitantly call my dad. I know he's softer, so he won't be as mad.

"Isabell! Where have you been! You were supposed to be home by 4. Latest!". Having strict parents has given me the skill of being able to make up excuses on the spot, but this is really testing my ability.

"I was at an after-school detention." I wince as I hear myself at the other end of the line, I just said the one thing that I know sounds stupid.

"For five hours Isabell? Where are you?". I know my if my dad can tell I'm lying my mum will see right through me. Like I'm glass.

"I'm just at the shops, by the gym, that area." I hear my dad sigh; I know what he's going to say here and when he picks me up.

"Isabella. I'm disappointed right now, you don't know how bad this is do you? Wait there. I'm coming to get you."