Sorry Not Sorry

Three

"We've been worried sick about you! Where have you been?". I feel guilty but I know they're not worried, they're just mad.

"I had two detentions because I missed one, and the I went to the park for a bit after". I speak quietly so that he doesn't process that what I'm saying can't possibly be true. But as they say, 'the best lies have parts of truth in them'.

"But you didn't tell us where you were! We should've called the police! Your mum is so mad at you. This happened before and you have learnt nothing from it? That's horrendous! I don't want to hear your reason. You can explain to your mum." I'm tired, my eyes feel heavy, and my body aches. I just want to go into eternal sleep. My dad is speeding down the empty road. 8:27. I want to sleep, and even worse; I still have school tomorrow.

We pull up to the front of the house, and my mum is already standing outside.

"ISABELLA!". I can already hear her from the inside of the car. I grab my bag and brace myself to face my mum.

"ISABELL! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHO WERE YOU WITH? LEXY? HUH? ANSWER WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!". I can feel my eyes watering the same way with Aidan, but these tears of sorrow and sadness compared to anger.

"DON'T EVEN LIE. WHO WAS THERE?". I can't tell her I was with Jack. She wants me to be an amazing, smart child and thinks socialising with guys is a waste of my "young time". I agree but, I prefer to get my male validation from anyone apart from my dad.

"Just like Lexy and her brother and some of her friends..."

"For five hours Isabell? It's not okay! If I won't let you go for more than an hour, what makes you think I'll allow you to go for five hours?! You know you need to focus on your studies. I don't want you going near Lexy or the park." I want to argue that Lexy has no part, but it would be too obvious I'm lying. I have no place to argue about doing studies though.

"But Lexy hasn't don't anything!". This is the first time my mother looks genuinely sad, but I can't tell if she was just making me feel pity or guilt tripping me.

"I don't want you hanging around those kinds of people. They are a bad influence on you."

It's 23:36 and my eyes are red and sore from crying and my voice hoarse from making too many promises. I drag myself up the staircase, and decide to take a long shower, which will give me some time to think about everything that had happened today.

I turn the water to max heat and let it burn for a few seconds, then switch it to freezing cold, and let the nerves in my body react to this change. I wish I could time travel. My parents found out about Jack, through my phone, which they also found Aidan's threats, and now I feel bad for him. I can't talk to Jack. I still will.

I climb out of the shower, dry off, chuck on an oversized shirt and collapse into my bed still trying to ignore the 'events' and actually get some sleep for the next day.

"Hi!" I wasn't expecting to see Alexis this early, I don't want to talk but that isn't socially acceptable, so I plaster on a smile.

"Hi Si!" Oh shit. I was supposed to study with her yesterday, knowing her, she's probably going to ask where I was.

"Sorry about not showing up yesterday, I- uhm..."

"If you didn't want to do it that day, you could just said Isabella." She never uses my full name, I can tell she's upset, but I don't exactly understand why.

"No, it's not... why... don't we do it at break today?" It would be good. Good for me. I walk my way to my first lesson, my first test of the day, which I was supposed to be tutored on yesterday.

"Bella... Bella!" Sienna is behind me, during the test's marking. Since these are not the GCSEs we mark each other's tests. But these might just be the most important tests of our year. Which I've sat 2 times.

"Bella, change my markings." I cannot hide the astonishment on my face, why does she, Sienna, want to change her mark?

"Si, it's already good enough, why would you want to change it?" she has no need for it, we all know she is smart, one of the smartest. She tells me to just do it, which I argue.

"Si, you don't need it, you got 32/36 what bad about that? I got 29!"

"Well, not everyone is a dumb fuck like you!" I give her papers back and uncomfortably turn around, I tried comforting her, and this is what happens.

We're dismissed and I make sure to walk out of Sienna's sight, I don't want to see her for the rest of the day. She already apologised for this yesterday, and it's happened again today. I don't know why everything always ends up a shitty mess for me, but it just does.