Mine

🌊 Chapter 14 🌊

Angelina's POV

I can't sleep. I've tried taking an extra melatonin gummy and nothing. I got up to use the bathroom and nothing. I tried listening to a sleep story lily my therapist suggested and still nothing. Tried meditating and can guess? That's right, nothing. I'm just laying here in my bed tossing and turning before I finally gave up and grabbed my phone to check the time. It's around four in the morning oh you've got to be kidding me.

I don't know what's been going on but my anxiety has taken full control over me. I don't know if it was Logan meeting half of my family or something completely different. But it was a couple of days since Logan has met them. I can hear my heartbeat beating fast. Okay okay it's okay Lina you're okay you're safe nothing bad is going to happen okay. Gosh okay now I feel like I can't breathe that's just great. Okay let's try ground ourselves like what our therapist suggested.

I can't call mom right now because she's sleeping so I have to try this on my own. Okay what are five things you can see? The dark, the outline of my hands, the light coming from my phone screen, the nightstand my phone is on, and my blanket. Good okay, what are four things that you can touch/feel? My pillow, blanket, the clothes on my body, the mattress. Great three things I can hear my heart beating out of my chest, Isa snoring, and I think the waves from the beach. That's good now. What are two things you can smell? I think I can smell the perfume that's still on my skin um vanilla and the laundry detergent from my blanket. Nice one more, what is one thing you can taste? Salt I think it's from my tears I hope.

Wait tears? I'm crying? Okay well that helped to slow my heart rate, I can breathe a little better now, but I can still feel my whole body shaking and the tears won't stop. God I hate panic attacks. I'm not gonna wake up my mom even if that's what she would want me to do. Instead I feel myself reaching for my phone and opening up messages and clicking on the contact that says "Logan". I can't even stop myself before sending "Are you up?".

Well he's probably not awake and that's gonna be weird to explain once he's up. My phone vibrates and I see Logan's name pop up. Okay never mind he is up. Wait what if I woke him up? Shit it's fine you probably didn't wake him up Lina just open his message.

Logan: "Yeah, what's up gorgeous?"

I struggle to type out "Sorry if I woke you up I can't sleep" and I'm having a panic attack.

Logan: "Meet me at the beach?"

Me: "Okay promise me I won't die?"

Logan: "I got you gorgeous"

Well it looks like I'm sneaking out. Have I mentioned that I've never done this before? I quietly get out of my bed looking for a hoodie to throw on over my pajamas. Using the light from my phone screen I look for my converse grabbing them and walking out of my room making sure I don't wake up Isa or anyone in my family who is sleeping. I tiptoe going down the stairs and as I walk towards the backdoor in the kitchen.

Once I'm out the backdoor I sit on the ground and put my shoes on and start walking towards the beach. I pull my phone and call Logan, completely dismissing the fact that my voice may be a bit raspy. Not even two rings later and Logan picks up. "Good morning gorgeous" he says I can already see him smiling. "Um where are you?" I ask him "Hang on" he says and I see a light at the beach "Is your flashlight on?" I ask him "Yup that's me gorgeous" he says. "Okay okay I'll try walking a little faster" I say. Once I get to Logan I hang up the call.

"So you gonna explain why your voice sounds like you were crying Lina?" Logan asks, he called me Lina not gorgeous. I could lie to him but I decided against that and tell him the truth. "I was having a panic attack" I tell him looking at the ocean the sun looks like it's about to rise. "So why were you up?" I ask, trying to take the attention off of myself. Logan sits down on the sand and pats the spot next to him "Sit" he says.

"Do you know what caused your panic attack?" Logan asks, I can already feel his eyes on me. "Honestly I don't know" I tell him truthfully "It still feels like I'm having one right now" I say, still looking out at the ocean. "What do you usually do to help calm them down?" he asks me "I go to my mom. She doesn't really talk much, we just hug and I listen to her heartbeat and her breathing to try to match mine with hers" I say finally having the courage to look at him.

Why am I so embarrassed about this? Logan holds his arms out signaling me to go in for the hug. "Come on gorgeous I don't bite" he says "I'm not sitting on your lap Lo" I say. "Okay" he says standing up pulling me up with him. "What are you doing?" I ask him. "You said you weren't going to sit on my lap and you clearly need a hug so yeah" he says pulling me into a hug. I don't fight him when he does so. My head fits perfectly on his chest, what no focus on his heart beating.

Logan tightens his hold around me slightly, instantly I feel myself relax in his hold finally feeling able to breathe. I wrap my arms around him. I feel him put his head on top of mine. We just stand there holding onto each other watching the sunrise. "Thank you" I say, pulling away from the hug. "Sorry if I woke you up Lo" I say to him. "You didn't wake me up gorgeous I was already up" Logan says still having his arms around me. "But you should get some sleep, at least try to" he says.

"I'll try, I'll text you later" I say, before going for one more hug. As I walk towards the house I feel like I've lost warmth.

Author's Note

hello hello!!! how are you guys? I realized I never thanked you guys for reading me story.  I really appreciate it. also happy pride month my loves, you are enough and you are loved! <3

much love,

arabella