The Beauty of Love

Prologue

Before... if someone would ask me about love, I would say love is beautiful. Love is a magical feeling that makes a person vulnerable and strong at the same time. A lot of people say that love is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

"Love is real," that's what my mom says. And growing up, I hold on to that phrase. I firmly believe those words from her, especially when I turned into a teenager and felt that feeling for the first time.

Personally, I think love is wholeheartedly caring for someone, knowing every detail about a person, giving respect above all else, and wanting to be with that person every second.

It's when you think of that someone and you're suddenly smiling. That feeling when you know you're down bad and you can't live a day without talking to that person.

At the age of sixteen, I got my first heartbreak. I might be young and innocent, but I knew what I felt. It was amazing. Being with a person you're comfortable with and just talking about random stuff.

His name was Levi. He never treats me bad, and he was a good person. He was sweet to me and always cared for me. He was studious as well, and I liked that about him.

I was young, but I knew what I wanted. I remember one time, I was staring at him and told myself that he was the one for me. Even at that age, I wished to build a home and a small family with this boy someday. That's when I knew it was love.

I never knew my wish would be shattered one day with, "I'm sorry, but I can't see you in my future. I want to explore, so I want us to end."

That was the first time I felt the pain of loving someone.

For days, I looked like a lifeless human being living in a nightmare, except it was real. What he said kept haunting me. He couldn't see me being with him in the future. He didn't love me anymore. Or throughout our relationship... did he really love me?

I guess he did. I felt it. He loved me. He really loved me. Damn that past tense.

I was devastated for weeks. Waking up in the morning was so painful. I could feel the pang in my chest as I breathed. I kept begging for answers to questions that had no certain answers.

What went wrong?

Did he see someone more beautiful than me?

Someone who is way more caring and loving?

Where? Which part am I lacking?

Or did he fall out of love? This, I know the answer to. I was sure he really did fall out of love.

Those questions broke me. It wasn't easy for me to move on and forget about him immediately because he was my first love, but surprisingly, I did. I moved on after a month, and I think that was the best comeback ever.

To make myself move forward and not dwell on the past.

My first heartbreak didn't make me lose my faith when it comes to love. I still believe in love. I told myself that maybe the timing was just not right. Maybe someday, love will find me again. A love that is true and everlasting.

I hope someday... someone will not get tired of me. Someone will cherish me and love me despite my imperfections and flaws. I know love is not just about being happy together, but about being with each other through every storm.

So, I prayed that maybe one day, I could meet someone who will be with me in every situation and that someone will never leave me.

And it was granted.

In my first year of college, I met this cool guy named Andrei Verceles. He was a basketball player and an engineering student. He was tall and handsome, I could literally stare at him for a whole day without getting tired.

He's that gorgeous.

We met when they visited our department. In the IT Department. The first time I laid my eyes on him, I was attracted. I found him very good-looking. Plus, he was tall, which made him even more attractive to me.

He was speed. That day, he asked for my name and phone number. I remember he waited for my classes to end just to ask me for it. And of course, I really gave my number to him. It wasn't a big deal for me because he was very handsome and seemed like a good person.

So, yeah, we went from getting to know each other, and then later on, we became lovers. He took his shot and asked me for a date right after asking for my number that day. It just went on and on until I fell in love with him completely.

For months, I got to know Andrei and even the small details about him. I learned that aside from basketball, he also likes swimming. Andrei's favorite colors are white and blue. He also loves eating sinigang na hipon, and his favorite song is "Little Freak" by Harry Styles.

He is a playful friend, but he takes me seriously. When I speak, I notice that he is always attentive. He has tan skin, and his brown eyes are beautiful. I love staring at his eyes. He is also very hot, and he loves holding me.

It didn't take me too long to realize that I love him already. It's because he is not hard to love. The moment I found myself grinning in front of my phone screen while texting him, I knew I was destined to love him.

"I love you, my pretty girl."

"I'm a lucky guy 'cause you chose me."

Him saying those words all the time, whether we're kissing or just simply talking, is my favorite thing in this world.

The days of our relationship turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. Many years. I grew up with him, and he grew up with me. We both knew each other very well after years of being together, and my love for him is just getting stronger each day.

I love being in love because I love him. Sure, we are not a perfect couple. Our relationship also had a bumpy road, but we always have each other's backs at the end of the day. He just gets me every time and I love him so much.

When we finally graduated from college and found our own jobs that are dear to us, I thought everything would turn out well.

We had plans together. He promised to marry me once everything is okay and if I am ready. He promised to take care of me and build a family with me. When he told me that, I was in tears.

I never knew someone would think of marrying me. Someone who sees me in his future. That someone plans to spend the rest of his life with me. I never knew someone would love me that much.

So, we made a promise to marry each other once we're both ready and stable. I told him that I'm not yet ready, he is.

Marriage is a big thing. It's not just a piece of paper. It needs full commitment and money. We need to save a lot for both of us, and most importantly, for our future kids. I was relieved because he respects my decision about that.

The two of us were working so hard to make our dreams come true, and I really thought everything was working out well the way we wanted until it wasn't.

Until I realized that something was wrong.

That the love I always believed in was being cruel to me... again.

I never knew this would happen. The love I had hoped to feel forever has suddenly vanished into thin air. It made me question everything.

Does real love really exist?

Is love really real?

Now, if someone would ask me about love, I would say love sucks. There's no such thing as true love. I would say that with a straight face and then laugh afterwards.

Personally, I think it is the stupidest feeling in the world. A total load of crap.

There's no beauty in love, I told myself.

But my mom says there is.