The Beauty of Love

Chapter 7

My life after the breakup and no contact with Andrei has been very damaging.

Every day, I wake up with a pang in my chest, thinking about what did I do wrong to deserve this kind of pain. I keep questioning my worth as a person. My self-esteem and confidence have become so low ever since I got cheated on.

All day, I just lay in bed thinking about so many things. I am unable to move, unable to eat. Sleeping is the only thing that distracts me from the pain because that's when my mind is at rest and doesn't think of anything that would hurt me.

From time to time, I remember how my world crumbled the moment I found out Andrei cheated on me. Sometimes, I blame myself for not being good enough. I was thinking that maybe that's the reason why he did it.

The self-hatred I went through after that day was so real. It makes me cry whenever I realize that I'm being so hard on myself.

It hurts. So much.

I've been going to therapy these past few days because my parents, especially my mom, suggested it. They were worried sick about me, even my staff members and my best friend, Maia.

It's been weeks already. I haven't seen anyone since that day except for my parents because my mom is my psychiatrist during therapy. I admit, it is helpful. I'm making an effort to feel better, and I'm glad my mom is helping me with it.

For now, I'm taking a break from everything. I'm still in the process of healing and becoming a better person. I want to take my time before coming back because I am still not okay.

I'm just really thankful that my staff members and my best friend, Maia, understand my situation and are not doing anything to ruin my peace.

Cheating behind my back was the worst betrayal I've ever experienced in my life. It hurts like hell. And I feel sorry for myself for having to heal from the pain that I didn't ask for.

I know Andrei will never understand the pain he caused me or how much he destroyed my self-worth.

Maybe for him, it was just a mistake. But for me, it's a trauma I have to live with for the rest of my life now.

The truth is, letting go of the memories we shared has been so hard for me. It's never easy. Whenever I look back and think about him again, our memories flash through my mind like a montage.

In the back of my head, I despise him. I hate what he did to me and how he made me feel. I even realized that loving him was a mistake. But when I think about our good moments together, I can't help but wish he just stayed faithful until the end. Then we wouldn't have ended up like this.

But he didn't. He still cheated on me. He ruined me. He betrayed me. I keep reminding myself of this.

And despite it all, I still can't get over him easily. Moving on is not easy. That's the reality.

Every time I think about a single detail about him, I find myself crying in agony. I didn't expect him to do this to me. I never treated him badly. My love for him was real and genuine.

That's why it kills me to think that he was capable of hurting me. I never knew that.

When we ended, I felt like I didn't just lose one person. I felt like I lost two. I am also mourning the person who hurt me, even though people say I don't deserve to shed a tear for him.

They will never understand me. They don't understand what it feels like to lose not only my lover but also my best friend.

I hate the part of him that cheated on me and made me look like a fool. I am mad at what he's become... a cheater. That's the version of him that I hate the most, and I know that person doesn't deserve to stay in my life. That part is easy to deal with.