within his walls~ l.ackerman ff

4. growing

a/n: hey guys! my mocks are finally over so I'm going to try and update this more often because i'm really liking writing rn, i hope you are enjoying the book 💕

that evening

I sat on my bed, listening to my playlist, whilst my mind played back the events today. I left not very long after the phone call, as I couldn't bear to see Levi after he heard everything that went down. I wanted to ask him about it, but I didn't know how. I was also in such a mess after it all happened that I just needed to sit at home and cry. That's what I had been doing for the past three hours. Now I'm just numb. Even though I know I'm going to be happier that Porco is out of my life, his lack of presence still stung. He was still someone to me, but thinking all of this made me wonder whether he was actually right. Will I just let him into my life again? I still loved him, but did that necessarily mean that I was willing to accept him back? My memory of us was now restricted to the polaroids I had torn down, I limited my thoughts of him. After all, why would I let someone back in who said all that shit to me? My mind was juxtaposing itself. Maybe he'll cry and wait for me. Maybe he will change. Or still, maybe he's still cold hearted. Either way, it's only been three hours. Nothing big could've changed really. My main focus was getting through school tomorrow with a blank face. I didn't need anyone to know how I was feeling. I turned my phone off Do Not Disturb and saw the mass amount of text messages I had received. There were ones of reassurance from Hange, ones of concern from Moblit and Erwin, threats and begs from Porco, and one other.
Levi: meet me at the willow tree in the park at 8.
Levi: please.
I was surprised that he even knew about the willow tree. It was where I usually went to clear my mind or to paint. I was even more surprised he wanted to meet me. I checked the time only to see it was 7:30. Shit. I still needed to freshen my puffy face up and change out of the clothes Porco gifted me for my birthday. Oh, and I need to reply to him.
You: yeah i'll meet u
read 7:32 pm
~
Walking to the willow tree, my mind was racing with reasons to why he wanted to see me. The walk was painfully longer than usual, as it was filled with worry instead of comfort.
Levi stood leant against the tree, staring at his phone. His hair was damp, and dangled in front of his eyes. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a red t shirt, with Jordan's.
"Hey, Levi." I greeted him.
He raised his head.
"Why did you want to meet me?"
"I wanted to ask you if you could keep what happened with me today private. I don't want Hange and the others knowing because they'll make it into a matter of me liking you." Levi said, moving slightly towards me.
"O-oh, yeah of course, that's okay." I stuttered.
"Thanks."
"Is that everything? You could've just asked me this over the phone you know."
"Yeah I know. I also wanted to know who it was."
"Porco. You know the boy Hange brought up and who I mentioned was my boyfriend? Yeah it was him. Well, I guess he's not really my boyfriend anymore." I answered, my voice slowly trailing off at the end.
"Ah, okay. Well we are starting the project tomorrow, so I'd like you to make an effort."
"Oh yeah, I will, don't worry." I said, caught off guard by his return of rudeness.
"I'm going now. Bye."
"Bye-"
I was left so confused once again. He was starting to warm up to me a little, asking me more private questions and closing the distance between us. However, the sudden end to the conversation and the abrupt rudeness made the whole interaction feel unfinished and incomplete. It was like our relationship was growing but de-evolving at the same time. It wasn't like I expected much considering that we did just meet, however I would enjoy if Levi made you feel a bit more comfortable around him. Maybe it was a response to something? Had something happened to him that makes him put on this harmful exterior? Everything about him was a mystery, and no matter how much he pushed me away. it would just make me even more interested. I didn't know what it was about him. I couldn't place it.
But at the moment, I just can't think about all of this. I need to focus on healing from my relationship and growing before I even become entangled with another boy's issues. I just needed to focus on myself. A lot of stuff had happened these past few days, and it wasn't even halfway into the week.

the next day

My mum decided to take me to school today, as I woke up too late to meet Hange. I had a rough nights sleep, as I didn't fall asleep till 4am. I was so tired, but I needed to come in so I could get a start on this project. It wasn't exactly what I was in the right mindset for, but it could take my mind off of everything.
Hange ran up to me in the corridors and practically jumped on to me.
"Y/N? Are you okay? You didn't answer any of my messages last night, and you left shortly after you got a call. Levi explained a little but he seemed pretty shaken up himself."
"Levi? Why was he shaken up?"
"Uh, I don't know really. He just seemed a lot quieter than usual- anyways stop trying to change the conversation!"
"Sorry, me and Porco got into a massive argument and it's kind of over between us."
"What? What over? What did he say?"
"I'm sorry Hange, I'm really not ready to talk about it in depth yet."
"Oh sorry, but i'll be here when you are ready to talk about it. Let me walk with you to science."
Hange linked her arm into mine and let me rest on her shoulder during our walk.
I'm so tired.

a/n: sorry for the shorter chapter guysss but i'm planning on making longer more in depth chapters so this one is a bit filler but i hope you enjoyed it anyways 🤍