within his walls~ l.ackerman ff

5. memories

My mind clashed all day with thoughts of Levi and Porco. It was like they were both battling for attention, even though neither desired mind. Hange had pestered me all day about whether I wanted to talk about it yet, and I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to. I don't know why I was reading so much into Levi's actions. I guess it wasn't the thing I expected from someone like him. He was so reserved and nonchalant I didn't think he could ever come to the defense of someone he had only just met. It sounded so stupid to get worked up over. I guess the stress of Porco's antics was just causing an overreaction to everything else that happened to me. Even so, Levi couldn't leave my mind in general.
I had multiple people querying me about my well being, but I just brushed them all off as I wasn't in the right mind space, no one seemed capable of cheering me up at the moment anyways.
I sat at the lunch table with my friend group, playing with my already cold food. I didn't have an appetite much today.
"Guys I have a GREAT idea!" Hange exclaimed.
I looked up from the my tray to her sudden burst of volume and nodded in response.
"How about next break we take a road trip?"
"Hange didn't we just go on one last break?" Erwin asked.
"I mean, yeah you're right but Y/N wasn't with us last time, and I want her to experience one with us. I know we usually do them every couple years but I think we can stretch to this because I really think she needs to be cheered up." Hange replied, caring about me but also talking about me as if she forgot I was sat there.
"Y/N what do you think?" Hange turned to me.
"I mean, yeah of course I would love to do that with you guys, I'll obviously have to talk it up with my parents and stuff but, you know." I replied, slowly perking up with the idea of getting out of this town for a while.
"Moblit?"
"Yeah definitely!"
"Erwin?"
"I don't have a problem."
"Levi?"
Levi rolled his eyes at Hange's excitement and turned back down to his food.
"LEVI?"
"Sure."
"Okay that's settled then! Next break the new five of us will go on a trip together! I'm going to go get some more food, I'll be right back." Hange got up, hugging my shoulders quickly and whispering in my ear "I hope that cheered you up a bit." I nodded in reciprocation, and smiled at her softly.

~

I sat on my bed, headphones in and a huge box of chocolates resting next to me. My tear stained face stung with the memories of Porco. This was my first major break up, and whilst I was the one who went through with it, everything still hurt. There was still a missing part of me, waiting to be filled. I scrolled through old photos of us, debating hitting the delete button or saving them to look back on and laugh in a few months. Or years. I had no idea. I looked happy in them. Half of me regretted my decision, half of me knew I was right in what I was doing. I shut my phone off in frustration and slammed my head into my pillow. I wasn't even halfway into the first half of the semester and I was too fucking stressed already. It wasn't too long before my phone lit up with a notification from a group chat. It was Sasha on the group chat from my old school. It was literally just me, her, Jean and Connie but overtime we stopped texting as regularly on there. We still do now and then, just the three hour phone calls and roblox play we had slowly died away after I moved school.

sash 💜 : girl open ur door right tf now.

She was outside?? I really wish this girl would give me more warning before she appeared sometimes. I dragged myself out of my comfy bed and walked downstairs. I didn't look in my right state but I honestly didn't care. I didn't have anyone to impress anyways. I opened the door to see Sasha, Jean and Connie stood there, Jean with a large carrier bag. Sasha came up to me and took me in her arms, hugging me tightly and kissing my cheek.
"Are you okay? We heard that you and Porco broke up." She asked me, worry filling her usual charismatic tone.
"Yeah, I'm okay at the moment."
Jean and Connie then gave me an in sync embrace, also expressing their concern for my well-being. It had been so long since we had all hung out, but to be honest it was like nothing had changed.
"Come sit Y/N, we brought loads of food to eat whilst you talk." Sasha beckoned me over to the couch.
"Can we go in my bedroom instead? My parents will be home soon and I don't really need them hearing me rant to you guys."
"Of course, it is your house to be fair." Jean chuckled lightly. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked upstairs to my room. Jean was always a particular flirty boy, however he died down when I was with Porco, and he was like this with a lot of girls so it never really stood out to me as something I should take into account. I also viewed him as just a best friend and always had, and he reciprocated it, no matter how physically close we were. I had known Connie the longest, my parents and his parents used to go to same university, so they were friends before me and Connie were even born. Sasha was the one I was closest to however. We shared the same interests and she was the girl I went to with almost all of my problems, as she always knew the right advice to give me. Hange would be the one to go to if I just needed someone cheering me up though. All three of them were hilarious, but knew that this was a time were jokes weren't well received by me.
Sasha dumped the large carrier bag onto my bed and it seriously looked like they raided a 7-11 there was so much food. Not that I was complaining though, I was finally gaining back my appetite and this has solved all of my cravings.
"How did you guys find out me and Porco had broken up anyways?" I asked.
"Well, Porco told Reiner, who told Eren, who told Mikasa, who told me, who told Jean and Connie, and then we decided to come here to not only see if you were okay, but because we didn't believe Porco's story at all and wanted to get your side." Sasha explained.
"Oh god, what has he said about me?" I was already dreading what story Porco was capable of conjuring up.
"Well, he said you cheated on him, but we don't believe his bullshit at all." Connie replied quickly.
"Great. That's not what happened at all, believe it or not."
"If you don't mind, could you tell us what actually happened?"
"Well, I don't know if you guys remember Hange posting a photo of me and my other friend group-"
"Don't you dare tell me he's saying this shit all over that? Jean interrupted, his voice slightly agitated.
"Unfortunately so, and in response to it he called me up and called me a slut and so much more horrible stuff and then Levi-" I was cut off by Sasha.
"WHO IS LEVI??" she yelled.
"Uh, he's my friend, he hangs out with me a lot during school and stuff. But it's not just me and him I hope you know. He's apart of my friend group." I replied. "As I was saying, he grabbed my phone, shouted at and insulted Porco, hung up and then left. After that, it was just over between me and him."
"See I knew he was lying, I've never trusted anything that man has said." Connie replied, scoffing.
"Yeah, Y/N, we never believed him." Jean continued, moving over to me to wrap an arm around me. I rested my head on his shoulder.
"I've really missed you guys. As much as I like my new school and group it just doesn't hit the same as our old friendship group. I miss hanging out with you guys all the time." I said, starting to become emotional as a tear rolled down my cheek. Jean noticed and wiped it away.
"Ive missed you a lot too, I've missed going on walks with you to the shops after school and calling till 2am." Sasha reminisced.
"I missed laughing with you in our english lessons and making new inside jokes together." Connie said, becoming increasingly melancholy, despite his usual light hearted tone.
"And I've missed being able to cheer you up after a boy has treated you like shit and taking you on car drives for your favourite food." Jean squeezed my shoulders and kissed my forehead. I smiled weakly up at him. Sasha held my hand whilst using her other hand to grab my favourite chocolate bar. Connie rubbed my knee with appreciation and smiled his broad, cheesy smile.
"Can we make an agreement that even though Y/N doesn't go to our school anymore we will all still hang out together, the four of us?" Sasha asked.
We all agreed.
"Speaking of, Eren's throwing a party at his house this weekend, and not only did he ask for you specifically, he asked you to bring some friends from your school. Plus, he said he was going to tell Zeke to keep and eye on you and see if you are okay." Jean said.
"Really? I haven't spoken to Eren in a while but that's nice of him to check up on me. Are him and Mikasa doing well? But, I'm not really sure if I'm in the mood for a party. And it's your school so I already know who will be in attendance."
"Don't worry about that. If Porco does go, you can firstly dress your best to show him what he's missing and we will be there to shield you from him." Sasha reassured.
"And unfortunately for Jean, Mikasa and Eren are doing extremely well and don't look like they are anything close to breaking up." Connie snickered, smirking at Jean.
"Shut up." Jean retaliated, reaching over and flicking Connie on his bald head with a significant amount of force.
"Ow! You prick!"
I laughed at his stupidity, and it was moments like these that made me realise that nothing had changed between us all. I guess a party wouldn't be that bad, it would just be convincing my friends to go that would be the problem.

A/N- sorry for inactivity guys! school is railing me hard rn i fear but i am trying to be more active😿