When The Heart Writes

Self-Discovery After Loss

Every day, unexpected sources encourage me. This support has been a beacon of hope, affirming my decision to remain true to myself.

Recently, a close friend of mine encountered a problem within her other circle of friends. Although our conversations are typically minimal, as she is one of my low-maintenance friends, I felt compelled to offer her advice. To make a long story short, I suggested she let go if the burden became too heavy. I don't want her to suffer as I did.

A crucial challenge in friendships emerges when obstacles arise; these moments test the strength of your bond, especially amidst chaos. It's perplexing to think you're just trying to rectify their wrongdoings, only to be branded as the person who betrayed them. Like, huh? This baffles me. While finding friends is easy, discovering a friend who will stand by you no matter what is rare.

We all face life challenges that test us and those around us. Friendships sometimes end because of misunderstandings, jealousy from others, ego and pride, growing apart, taking different life paths, feeling unheard, other priorities, feeling taken advantage of, infidelity, betrayal, or simply drifting apart. These reasons can lead to painfully ending friendships, but over time, you realize it's a part of life that helps you understand who truly supports you.

The end of one friendship doesn't symbolize loss. It can be the start of another, possibly more enriching, relationship. Life is constantly changing; nothing is permanent. Everything fades and is eventually forgotten. Embrace this concept. Being open to new experiences and people can bring unexpected joy and growth opportunities. Life is unpredictable, as the phrase 'Expect the unexpected' suggests.

We may have plans in our life journey, but sometimes, God or the Universe has a better plan. Patience is key; everything takes time. Stick with your plan, go with the flow, and adapt to whatever comes your way. When entering a new relationship, it's crucial to know your boundaries. Setting and communicating clear boundaries helps manage expectations, ensuring respect and understanding. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and foster genuine, harmonious relationships.

Dealing with people requires considering their mental maturity and perspective. Communication only becomes effective if they can understand and respect differing viewpoints. How valid is the phrase 'Communication is key' if there is a lack of understanding, mental maturity, comprehension, and open-mindedness? I feel disappointed in people who advocate this idea but fail to embody the necessary attributes. Consider this before speaking. Words, once spoken, can not be retracted, and some may be particularly sensitive to them.

In the end, I'm still lucky, even after losing them. After what they did to me, I still rooted for their success and life and for the dreams they want to achieve that we have discussed. Why do I feel lucky? When they left, I realized that I still had people by my side willing to comfort me, even without constant interaction. I also have my big sisters and friends who support me and reciprocate the love I give. They have shown me what it means to be treated with respect and value, reinforcing my self-worth. I'm done hurting myself for them. I'm done.

I'm now in the phase of forgiving myself. Yes, myself, because I let this happen to me. I know my worth. I should know where to give my whole heart, care, and effort. I should know who I let into my life. I must choose who I let into my life more wisely, ensuring it never breaks me again. Every experience in life has a significant part in our journey. Especially the painful ones, it helps us mold into more resilient and empathetic individuals.

This experience allows us to reflect deeply on our values and what we truly seek in relationships. That our worth is not measured by the quantity of our connections but by their quality. Understanding this can help us change how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world. Opening up to new individuals might be terrifying, and fearing past patterns may repeat. However, vulnerability is the key to building genuine connections. It allows us to be authentic, fostering relationships rooted in honesty and mutual respect. This doesn't mean we must share every aspect of ourselves with everyone we meet, but rather be open to deeper connections with those who demonstrate kindness and understanding.

Practice self-compassion. We often set high expectations of ourselves and our relationships and then harshly criticize ourselves for not meeting the expectations. We should recognize that we're all works in progress; learning and growing from each encounter can be liberating. It is okay to make mistakes because they are part of our lives as long as we learn from them and continue to move forward. Also, investing time in self-discovery and cultivating personal growth is crucial. Sometimes, we may lose ourselves in relationships, focusing so much on others that we neglect our needs and aspirations. Spending time alone, exploring new interests, and setting personal goals can enhance our self-esteem and independence. This journey of self-improvement benefits us personally and equips us to contribute more positively to our relationships.

Overall, we encounter various challenges in life, and sometimes, we consider giving up. The most important realization is that others are still willing to be by your side. I think I mentioned this a couple of times. When I meet them, I tend to make them my entire world, believing they are the only ones who understand me. I always offered help and spoiled them. I'm blinded by their actions and care towards me. Maybe because I shared many "first time" with them? I don't know.

Now that I'm awake with this nightmare, I must stand stronger and braver. This time, I need to make some changes for myself so that I won't be experiencing it again. This healing journey may be lengthy, but I'm making progress. I can honestly say I'm slowly forgiving myself and becoming open to others again, cautiously. Indeed, God has a purpose for every challenge we face. In my case, He removed people I treasured to make room for a new set who would treat me better and good for my well-being.