Second Chances

Chapter Three

Lunch is being served in the smaller of the two dining rooms: the larger has been transformed into our dance studio. As I walk down the stairs, the unmistakeable smell of bacon hits my nostrils and I can't help but think that Paul will be happy - he loves bacon sandwiches!

I pause mid-step.

I can't keep doing this. Thinking about him. Hopefully it'll just be today - coming back here for the first time was always going to be weird.
Taking a deep breath, I continue walking and eventually I reach the dining room. I scan the room when I enter and I notice that some of the other guys are already here. Tina and Jo are sat eating and Brad appears to be piling his plate with as much jerk chicken as possible. Does he not understand the concept of 'seconds'?!
Lunch is a buffet style service with cold and hot food. We're going to be burning up a lot of calories during rehearsals so I decide to go all out and make a plate of food which rivals Brad's. Bacon, sausage and chicken all get piled on along with some roasted veg and salad. At least I don't look like a complete pig now!

I head over to the table and plonk myself down opposite Jo. Conversation flows nicely and gradually the rest of the band join us as well as some of the rest of the crew. Jon sits next to me on my right-hand side and gives my leg a gentle squeeze, silently checking I'm ok. I squeeze his hand back and give him a smile before joining in the conversation about the time we were filming in Hollywood.

Lunch eaten, we're given a quick tour of the hotel by the manager and are shown how to use all of the spa facilities. Brad and Paul don't seem overly interested to be honest, but I know that us girls will be spending plenty of time down here relaxing - probably with Mr Muscles Jon too!

After our tour of the hotel, it's time to start working. We're summoned into the dance studio where Priscilla and Sam are already waiting for us. It's so lovely to work with these two again: Priscilla choreographed all of our tours (and worked heavily on the TV shows too) and Sam used to be one of our dancers before he became her assistant. They're definitely part of the S Club entourage and have literally seen us grow up! After lots of hugs and laughter, it's time to get to work.

Priscilla and Sam run us through the general plan for the show: it's going to be our most ambitious yet, with trap doors, lots of pyrotechnics and a ridiculous amount of dancing. I look over to Paul and catch his grimace. He always used to find it difficult to pick up the routines and I used to give him extra help outside of work. We'd spend hours running through them: him copying me step by step, especially on the more complicated ones. He always used to think it was a chore for me, but I really didn't mind. At the end of the day, I was spending time with him and I always enjoyed it because often the lessons took on a more 'hands-on' approach as the evening progressed...

"Earth to Hannah, come in Hannah!" Priscilla calls in a mock-serious tone, clicking her fingers in front of my face. "Are you listening to a word I'm saying missy?!" I can't help but blush. Luckily she's in a good mood so isn't annoyed really - more bemused than anything. She explains that we'll focus our rehearsals in two halves: the mornings will be focused on the group numbers, and the afternoons will focus on the solo sections. We're told that we'll be given a slot for afternoon rehearsals but we are free to do our own thing during the rest of the time if we want. Equally, it's ok if we want to stay and watch. Cece, our vocal coach, will also be available during the afternoon to work with us to make sure we're up to scratch. Unlike the other tours, 100% of the Bring It All Back 2015 tour will be sung live. A fact that terrifies me.

As today is the first day of rehearsals, Priscilla wants to run things slightly differently, and 5 minutes after snapping out of my daydream, we're watching her and the dancers run through the opening number. As the final note of Bring the House Down finished, we all look at each other - the general consensus seems to be "how the hell are we going to manage that?!" Paul looked like he was going to have a heart attack.

We take our positions in front of the mirrors and start to attempt to recreate what we'd just watched. It's fair to say it was nothing like Priscilla had just shown us!! Arms were waving all over the place, fingers pointing in 7 different directions, and don't even get me started on our lower bodies! It turns out that 12 years away really does affect your coordination! Jon and Tina were the only ones that were able to dance in a way that vaguely resembled what we'd seen, but even they weren't perfect (a fact that secretly delighted me!)

By the fifth attempt, we were much better and were starting to look like the band that we once were. I'll admit, it was lots of fun standing there, dancing away with the guys and laughing lots in between. I felt happier than I had in ages. Priscilla called a break and explained that we'd have a look at some of the less choreographed solo pieces next as Cece was on her way.

I grab a bottle of water and sit down to get my breath back. After 5 big glugs I'm feeling much more human and my breath if finally under control again. I rummage through my discarded jacket to fish out my phone.

4 text messages and 6 missed calls.

I'd like to pretend that I don't know who they're from but I'm pretty sure I do.

I stuff my phone back in my pocket just as Priscilla asks Paul to get ready for his solo. He's doing an acoustic version of Reach. I've not heard it yet but knowing his voice and how well he can play the guitar, I know it'll be amazing. As he sits down on the stool and takes his position, I can see he's really nervous. Part of me wants nothing more than to walk up to him and give him a hug. Tell him he'll be amazing. But I can't. It's not my job to do that anymore.

After a couple of rough starts, he settles into the song and everything seems to be going really well. I find myself closing my eyes as I listen. Then suddenly it's like a button has been pressed and he falls apart. He keeps hitting the wrong chord at the wrong time and I can see he's starting to panic. His voice starts to sound tight and strained. Cece tells him to calm down and focus on the lyrics. After some water and a short breather, he makes it to the end of the song. I can tell that he's embarrassed about what's happened even though there's no need to be. I'm sure we'll all be exactly the same when it comes to our own solos. I know I'm dreading mine!

Cece calls another break and everyone starts piling out of the studio. I hang back to wait for Paul. His shoulders are slumped and I can see that he's losing confidence in himself.
"Hey," I whisper as I approach him, "you ok?"
He raises his head but doesn't make eye contact. "Yeah, I'm good," he replies. I know it's a lie. Surely he realises that I know that?
"You'll get there Paul. We're all rusty. Don't get down about it."
He smiles at me, "I know, I know. I guess you're right. I just can't seem to put it all together without something going wrong. Maybe I should just scrap playing the guitar altogether. Just sing it without."
"No!" I reply. I think we're both shocked at my blunt attitude. "You can't do that. You've worked hard to make it your own: you've written the chords and re-worked the lyrics. You can't give up on yourself now. You can do this." I take a deep breath before speaking again. "I believe in you Paul."
He looks at me, our eyes locking like they did on the coach. I can see that he wants to say something and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he manages to.
"Hannah, I..."

Suddenly Tina and Jon burst through the door having returned from their break. My eyes immediately turn to them. They're laughing and joking with each other and I can't help but smile as Jon tries to tickle her. She's screaming at him to stop but he's strong and she's trapped within his arms.

I look back at Paul but the moment's gone. I guess I'll never know what he was going to say.

The rest of the band, dancers and coaches head back in and given the time, Priscilla says that we're just going to run through the two things we've already worked on today. As Paul sets himself up, he glances over at me and gives me a small smile. I smile back and inwardly cross everything in hope that it goes well.

-----

He nailed it! Note perfect! Paul has a massive smile on his face and everyone in the room erupts into a loud round of applause. Brad even gives a few "whoop whoop" chants too. I can't help but feel a sense of pride and when he looks at me, I give him a big thumbs up. He winks in response.

We spend the last 20 minutes of the session running through the opening number again. By the end, we're mainly in sync and are starting to get back into the swing of things. Priscilla, Sam and Cece are all really happy with our work and we have a big group hug before we all head off to relax for the evening. As lovely as the hug was, it highlighted just how hot and sweaty we all were, and I know that my shower is the first place I'm heading!