MAINLY Based off the Adele song from '30' - Love Is A Game
"That love is a game for fools to play
And I ain't fooling
What a cruel thing
To self-inflict that pain"
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"I can love,
I can love again
I love me now,
Like I loved him
I'm a fool f...
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No amount of love Can keep me satisfied I can't keep up When I keep changing my mind The feelings flood me To the heights of no compromise
A year later...
The feeling of wanting to be loved or try to be loved the RIGHT way is at an all time high. I've been trying to fulfill that void to but it's starting to seem like it's not possible at all.
My ex husband, was a fail. He's been trying to reach out to me on countless attempts, in person and social media. I found myself on the verge of falling back in deep for him but I have to catch myself.
I also find myself wondering what if I should just forgive him. Things definitely wouldn't be the same but would we get back stronger? Or will he still play me like I'm some board game?
How would trust go? The feeling of him cheating on me I know would still be creeping upon me. The whole relationship will be like a game of insecurity. I would think he's cheating on me any time I feel like he's acting different and he'll probably think the same thinking I'm trying to get back at him.
But, outside of cheating, we were really good. My love for him ran deep. It still does and I can't help it.. I still have love for him. He's all that I knew for years outside of Travis.
Now Travis, that would forever be my biggest downfall. Starting to feel like I only fell for him or tried to force myself to like him for the sake of me wanting a companion. And I might say, that was very embarrassing and desperate for me.
I mean he could be a good guy, if he wasn't so unrealistic, somewhat pushy? Overbearing... just too much to handle. Too much I refuse to put myself through anymore.
I have to keep reminding myself I'm not that woman anymore.
I'm a new woman. A woman who learned to say no. A woman who learned to finally put herself first after all of these years.
But I'm also a woman who developed unsatisfactory. It doesn't matter what it is, it just seems like it's never enough.
It's like I have to have more, I have to be given more. There's more to be given.
I'm no longer taking "I can't." Because if someone wanted to, they would and they definitely could.
"I didn't ask for it to go right there in the corner, I asked for the table to be centered." I once again repeated to the contractor.
"Mrs. Langston-"
"It's Knowles."
"I'm sorry. Miss. Knowles. If we place that table right there, there won't be room for the centerpiece."
