Spellbound Souls

Chapter 4. Torn Between Anger and Longing

Cassandra

"What are you doing?" I exclaim, my voice carrying a hint of desperation. Sensing the tears welling in my eyes, Sebastian looks at me with uncertainty. He begins to speak, but I cut him off before he can utter a word.

"Don't answer that. Where have you been? How can you just stroll in like this?" I vent my frustration by slamming my fist against his chest, not intending to harm him, but he instinctively takes a step back, grasping my wrists in response. Despite my efforts, I can't break free from his grasp. His gaze is intense, filled with concern, yet he remains silent, accepting my outburst without explanation. It's as if he's analysing my every emotion and movement.

"Let me go," I demand. My eyes are burning and blazing with tears and rage. I try to free myself once more but my efforts are in vain. Sebastian looks as if he is not breathing, he is barely moving but his gaze is still piercing right through me. As if he is linking his eyes with my soul and all of my emotions. He pulls me closer by my wrists and my face is planted into his chest. He lets go of my wrists and puts one hand on the small of my back and the other cradles the back of my head. I feel his lips pressing a kiss on my head. I stand still. Afraid to move that when I do, he will release his embrace and the feeling of longing for his touch will reoccur.

"I'm so sorry," he finally speaks softly with his voice breaking.

"I'm sorry I was not here," I can feel his tears falling in my hair. I wrap my arms around his waist, as a sign of comfort. I try to ask where he has been but no sound leaves my throat. I can only focus on his touch and embrace and how much I had missed this. But I cannot allow myself to just crumble at the first touch Sebastian gives me. No matter how much I longed for him being in my presence again, I can't just give myself in.

As we stand here, in silence and each other's arms, I wonder how long we've been standing like this. As I hear Sebastian's heartbeat going slower, I slowly lose myself from his grip. His arms drape off me and let them hang beside his body. I take a step back and I try to catch my breath. I don't have the energy to talk anymore. And I'm guessing Sebastian is drained too. This façade of aloofness has to take its toll on him.

"Can we talk tomorrow?" I ask, barely audible. Sebastian raises his eyebrows, as if he is surprised by my question.

"Yes, of course," he nods in agreement. I give him a small smile before I turn around and place my hand on the doorknob.

"Wait," Sebastian lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Before you go," he continues. His voice is soft and I'm almost afraid to turn around. I turn my head and my eyes meet his. He is standing so close he has to look down a bit. His eyes are fiery and full of desire. His gaze focused on me, with his jaw clenched. I bite my lip, only speculating about what he is to do next. His eyes flicker from my lips to my eyes and before I know it, he presses his mouth on mine.

Sebastian's warmth flows through me and feelings of ecstasy overwhelm every fibre of my being. His hands cup my cheeks as the kiss is getting deeper and more intense. I lightly grab his robes to keep him close. We part our kiss to take a breath, but only for a second before our touch is reignited, drawing us back into each other with an irresistible magnetic pull. I want to stay like this forever. Never letting him go and stay in his presence for all of eternity. Yet sentiments of anger and abandonment flood over me and I break off our kiss and push him away. With messy hair and catching his breath, Sebastian examines me. I see the wonder in his facial expression as to why I pushed him away.

"No," I raise my finger to keep a distance between us. "You cannot just waltz in here, with no explanation about where you have been. And certainly not to expect me to just... crumble at your feet. I will not allow myself to do so." My voice is firm, my jaw is clenched and my eyebrows are furrowed. Sebastian lets his head hang and stares at his shoes.

"No, of course not. I know I owe you an explanation. And I do not expect you to forgive me this instant," he puts his hands behind his back and rocks on his heels. I can see he's nervous. Good. I think? I won't allow this boy to have this kind of power over me. What kind of witch would I be? I don't know who my mother is but I'm guessing I got this 'don't mess with me' personality from her. Or maybe my father's.

"Good, because I won't." Before I can hear Sebastian give his answer, I walk out of the door and with a fast pace I make my way back to the common room.

As I enter my new dormitory, Grace, Imelda, and Nerida are sitting on the couch by the fireplace. Their heads turn at my entrance but they don't say a word. They probably see that I have been crying. I walk to my bed and take off my robes and dress myself in my nightclothes. Without a word I take my seat in the armchair opposite the couch. One for one, they look at me with worried faces. I sigh.

"So, how was your evening?" I say with the most casual tone I can give as possible. The girls look at each other with raised eyebrows and turn their gazes back to me.

"I take it you don't want to talk about Sebastian?" Imelda scoffs.

I sigh again. "If I must." I look at Grace. She's remarkably quiet for someone who knew about Sebastian's comeback.

"How did you know about this?" I ask Grace with a fiery voice. She shifts in her position and crosses her legs. She lays her hands on her knee and bends a little forward.

"Atticus told me, of course."

"Yes, I got that. But how did he know?" I respond back with an irritated tone. Naturally, I know she knew about this from him but how come he was in possession of this knowledge.

"His father is friends with Headmaster Black. They talked about it on one of their summer outings," Grace says this as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Not everyone's father is acquaintances with the headmaster.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" That is what I want to know. Why was it necessary for me not to know about this event.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, the face you made was priceless," is she really proud of herself for keeping this from me? What was the added value of me not knowing?

"I would've appreciated a little heads up," I snap back. I stand up, readying to walk to bed, go to sleep and forget about today.

"I'm actually really tired, so if you don't mind, I will be going to bed now." I walk to my bed and close the curtains, to expand the little privacy I have. As I'm lying in bed, I hear the others still whispering things to each other. But the words are quiet and far away. As the voices are drifting away, so is my consciousness.