Before The Dreamer - The Rookie

Eight - Jana

   I don't even know what to say. There could be so many different things but as soon as I saw Tim stand back in front in a quick second I got up and just hugged him.
It wasn't just a quick one. I just stood there holding onto him. I don't care what he is thinking right now. I just need this. I can still feel my body shaking even though my grip is tight on him. I can feel that my body just shut down.
My emotions hadn't because as soon as I thought about it, I could feel teardrops running down my face. There I was crying again, God he was going to think that I was a baby. I mean I am almost 16 for crying out loud.
I shouldn't have been crying but as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I could feel Tim's hand on my head as he said the words. 'It's going to be okay Jana, I got you.' Those were the words that comforted me more than anyone would know. I mean look at me, I am a train wreck for crying out loud.
Who knew the girl who looked like she had everything together was the world's most emotional person? I can just imagine Tim thinking that he can't wait to get rid of me. Who would want to keep me in their lives? Let's be completely honest.
"Hey, I have to talk to you. How about we go sit out in the living room? The patrol officers had already taken him away. No one else is here. I mean besides Kojo."
"Oh? Talk to me. I mean I can just go back to my parent's house. I know I don't like it there. I hate it there, but I just want to get out of your hair. I don't want to be a burden to me any longer."
"No, if you don't like it there you are not going back. You are not a burden to me. I promise, you are an amazing person, and I am glad that you are here. I mean we were going to play Mario Kart. I don't have anyone to play games with me or talk to. It's just me and Kojo. With Lucy on undercover assignments, it gets lonely here. I am so glad you are here, and I can't wait for the more memories that we are going to create. I mean if that is okay with you."
I don't even know what to say to that. I mean Tim is so sweet and it makes sense that he wants a roommate. Kojo is fun, but after a while, he wants more interaction than just his co-workers and Kojo.
I mean there could be so many different things that could happen. What if I mess up and Tim says that he doesn't want me here anymore? That is always a possibility, you never know anymore that is the scary thing. He could take me back to my parent's house and let me rot there.
"Are you sure Tim? I mean is there even room for me?"
We both knew that the question that I just asked was stupid. I mean his apartment is huge. There must be at least 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a full kitchen and living room.
"Yes, I am sure Jana. There has been something that I have been meaning to tell you. The phone call that I got. It was from Child Protective Services."
"Child Protective Services?"
"Yes, apparently you have been reported missing and I have kidnapped you."
"What? That is crazy. At that time, I wasn't even gone for an hour. I told her that I was leaving but she was too busy drinking her beer and watching TV. She told me that she was busy but let's be honest she wasn't, I would rather be with you than anyone else. Why would she say that I am missing even though they don't even want me in the first place?"
"I am not completely sure; I did tell CPS that you are not missing and that you have been placed with an emergency foster placement pending investigation on the home."
"Wow"
I just don't want to scare him away, that is the last thing that I want to do. I mean who would want to scare him away, if they do then I would want to fight them. Wait not, I'm not strong enough for that, so maybe not fighting them. A stern talking to maybe? No, that wouldn't work either.
I would get way too nervous, then I wouldn't say anything at all. Right now, everything is just so confusing I mean. Who can blame me though? If you were in my situation, you would too.
I mean I know that Tim would keep me safe, but I can't stop thinking about the what-ifs. What if the man had seen me, what if Tim didn't wake up on time? The what-if's keep coming and I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell Tim; I know that he would feel terrible. That is the last thing that I want to do for him.
I feel like I am already a disappointment to him, so I don't want to make it worse. I mean that is just common sense, right? I look up and just see the sadness on Tim's face. I'm not sure why it's there but he could tell that I was confused.
"You know that it's not your fault, right?"
Those 8 words were words that my ears were craving. Over and over people have told me it's always your fault. I mean of course it is. I am the one that messed up. It's always me. Besides Jana, Tim was the first to say this to me. I was always the problem; I mean I still am. I don't know why Tim hasn't kicked me out. I'm sure I was the reason his apartment just got broken into.
"Are you sure it's not my fault Tim, I mean I feel like I just attract the bad to you."
"Yes, I am sure that it's not your fault Jana. Why would it be?"
"I'm sure that nothing has happened like this when I wasn't here so as soon as I am here everything bad happens to you."
"Jana, bad things happen to me all the time. I mean I am a cop. I am trained for this, and I was supposed to keep you safe, and I already messed up."
There it was something that I never was going to see from Tim. A tear. The three of us just sat there, not saying or barking a peep.