Full Strength

Fifty-Lillian ❤️‍🩹

        Someone, maybe an elephant, was standing on my chest.

        I had not felt this suffocated in a long time. Air could not come into my lungs fast enough. Because my mind was running at a million miles an hour, except it seemed to running laps, because it always came back to one thing.

       Jade had betrayed me. Not just betrayed-completely sold me out.

       Had she not realized? Had she not thought for one minute how my life would always be different? Or had she known exactly how much destruction she had caused and gone barreling ahead? Either option made me nauseated, one because of her stupidity, the other because of her ruthlessness.

        Graham dropped us off in front of the familiar glass skyscraper that I was so used to visiting. Silently, Logan slipped his hand into mine as we went inside. It was bold, risky even, except now there wasn't much anyone could do about it. Holding hands? Half of Colorado has seen us making out.

        The elevator ride consisted of me staring at my shoes. Next to me, Logan's shoes were depressing: a pair of slides over white socks. We hadn't had much time to get dressed before leaving. Burying my face in his shoulder, I whispered, "I am so sorry."

        "What are you apologizing for?" he asked gently.

        "For being stupid and careless," I choked out. 

        The pinch between his eyebrows melted instantly and he pulled me into a tight hug. "No, Lilli. Don't blame yourself. Okay?"

        I was shaking my head, hoping that I wasn't crying. "I shouldn't have told her. I shouldn't have told anyone. It's bad enough sneaking around, but letting other people know-"

        "Lilli, that's not fair to either of us," he said sternly. "It could've been Lena. I trust her with my life, but she still could've said something. You had a best friend, and those are really hard to come by. Telling Jade was the right thing to do; it just didn't end up well. We all need our friends. It wouldn't have been fair to have kept this from her. Okay?"

        A couple tears spilled down my face. Thankfully, a lack of makeup made sure nothing was streaky. "I just wish that everything had turned out differently," I sniffled, my arms tight around his waist. 

        Logan kissed the top of my head. "I know. But we're going to be okay."

        "Right." My voice was too watery and hopeful to sound like I wasn't lying.

        He paused, finally asking, "Anything I should know about Jack?"

        I wiped my eyes with the heel of my hand. "Um. He's really nice. Like he invited a couple of us over to his house for Thanksgiving because he knew we didn't have family close by. He's always checking in on us and making sure we're having a lot of rest time even when we're taking on patients that require a lot of attention. He likes sending funny memes in the work group chat, even if they sometimes make fun of himself."

        "He sounds great," Logan said, his lips twitching with something that resembled a smile.

        "Yeah. At least he won't murder us on sight," I mumbled.

        The elevator stopped, the doors sliding open and revealing a long hallway. Still holding Logan's hand, I made my way to Jack's office. It was probably my favorite room in the entire building. Jack had two cats, named Margaret and Sir Buttons, and he absolutely adored them. Margaret and Sir Buttons had their own posters, mugs, banners, and office supplies, all of which lived in Jack's office. Fuzzy little faces stared at me from every corner. It was both sweet and slightly concerning, but we loved Jack for it.