Until I'm worthy

Chapter 6

The school year ends. Regina is no closer to apologizing to Janis. Sure, they're able to kind of coexist now that Regina has returned to the lunch table, but she sits at the very end of the bench seat and tries not to pay too much attention to Damian and Janis who take up space at the other end. Regina's just glad her whole thing hasn't affected the rest of the group. Everyone is able to joke around like normal. (Besides the fact that half the people there aren't talking.)

At least she won't have to deal with any more awkward lunches now that summer is here.

Janis also hasn't given Regina any sign that she wants Regina to talk to her, to try to approach with an apology. After the way she told Regina she isn't ready, Regina hasn't wanted to force the issue. (She's scared, is the truth of it. She knows she should go to Janis, that it's not Janis' job as the wronged party to tell her when it's ok – therapy is actually helping her, look at that. Regina can't help it though.)

Cady, Gretchen, and Karen try to encourage her to reach out, but Regina doesn't know how. Instead, she fills her days with the gym or shopping trips with the three of them and tries not to notice how well Damian would fit into their little group. Tries not to think about Janis and what she's doing.

She doesn't go to group hangouts, especially when she knows Janis will be there. Better for Janis to have a good time with their friends. Regina doesn't want to ruin her summer.

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Regina runs into Damian at a coffee shop one day as she's heading home from the gym. She's still buzzing, pumped from her workout. That's probably why she feels brave enough to approach him, to tell him she needs to talk to him.

He doesn't look like he wants to agree (she doesn't think she's seen him look less excited about something), but he does. They wait in silence until they get their drinks – Regina unable to think of any neutral topics of conversation, and Damian not even trying. Damian leads the way out of the shop and towards the small park down the block. It makes Regina's stomach drop. He doesn't want to make a scene. He's going to yell at her. Her shoulders tense as she prepares to brace herself. They sit at a picnic table, Damian carefully watching her and Regina trying to act like she can't feel his eyes on her.

"I need you to explain to me why exactly you would do something like what you did. Because from where I was sitting, things were going well between you and Janis." His voice is calm, even toned. No trace of the yelling Regina expected. "But then we took a swift detour back to toxic homophobia land, and I'm not down with that."

Tearing at her napkin and staring down at her coffee cup, Regina says, "I panicked. I overheard these girls talking."

"And some dumbass gossip made you hurt Janis again?"

"It was-" Regina hesitates. Admits, "They were talking about Janis, and I wanted to knock their teeth in. But then they started talking about me and-"

Regina looks up at Damian, eyes wide and pleading. Her voice quivers as she says, "It was like I couldn't stop. God, I wanted to stop."

"Let me get this straight," Damian says. Regina can hear the emotions leaking back into his voice, braces herself for the well-deserved outburst. "You heard someone saying some homophobic shit about one of your friends and yourself, and your response was to go yell at the person they were making comments about?"

When he puts it that way, it sounds even worse than it already is.

"I just – I couldn't – I know it was the wrong decision-"

"Fuck yeah it was the wrong decision!" Damian yells, throwing his hands out. "You can't fucking care about that shit! It's ruining you. Why does it matter so much what some bitchy teenagers are saying?"