Until I'm worthy

chapter 11

Saying that Regina is fine with her recent revelation would be an overstatement. It's almost the end of summer and she's no closer to actually telling anyone.

But she's becoming more comfortable with it. It's taken some time, and honestly her friends have helped a lot, not that they know it. Seeing them being happy and comfortable in themselves makes it a bit easier to accept in herself. She's gotten to the point where she can think about her sexuality without having a panic attack, which is pretty nice.

She's considering starting to tell people. Gretchen's having a girls' night at her house (without Cady, who's in Africa with her mom and sends near constant photos of grass plains - boring - and very very distant animals - slightly less boring), and Regina's tempted to mention it. The thought makes her hair stand on end, makes her blood pound in her ears and her throat tight.

She wants to be brave, though.

~~~~~

As always, she's the first to arrive at Gretchen's (she's surrounded by people who are chronically late, and it makes her twitchy). They fall into a familiar rhythm, setting up the few remaining things before everyone else arrives while they catch up.

As Regina sets out snacks, she hears Gretchen giggle. Looking over, she sees her looking at her phone, an adoring smile on her face. It's the smile Regina usually sees pointed at Karen, so it's not hard to guess who's texting.

Gretchen spent so much time obsessed over dumb boys who didn't give a shit about her. Constantly manic about how much attention she got from them, freaking out at the slightest indication that they were losing interest. (And yes, Regina can recognize the parallels in her old relationship with Gretchen there. It does not feel great, but Regina knows she's doing better.)

Gretchen needs relationships where she doesn't have to second guess or question where she stands with other people. Between their repaired friendship and the easy affection between her and Karen, Regina's not sure she's ever seen Gretchen this calm and stable in herself. It's refreshing. It makes Regina proud.

Ugh, when did I get so sappy?

Gretchen looks up and sees Regina watching, the bright smile becoming a bit shier but no less happy. "Sorry, Karen was texting," she says. "She should be over soon."

"You guys are cute," Regina responds.

Gretchen tucks her phone away, leaning against the counter as she buries her face in her hands. The tips of her ears are pink.

"I really like her." Her voice comes out muffled.

Regina laughs, ferrying a platter of fruit out to the living room as she calls over her shoulder, "I could've told you that for free. It's not like your feelings were a secret. You were the one hesitating over telling her, all worried about whether it would ruin everything or not."

Gretchen doesn't respond. When Regina gets back into the kitchen, she finds Gretchen contemplating empty air, an exhausted expression on her face. She gives Regina a calculating look. She's been doing that a lot lately. Regina isn't sure what the cause of it is. She raises an eyebrow, tilting her head as she looks at Gretchen questioningly. Gretchen shakes her head and she smiles at Regina.

"You were right, obvi. Admitting my feelings really worked for me. I needed to be honest with myself and with Karen. I'm so much happier now that I've told her."

Regina doesn't know what to do about the weird preachy tone Gretchen took on as she spoke.

"...Yeah," is all she can think to say in the moment, turning away from Gretchen so she doesn't have to see the confused expression on Regina's face.