Keeping Afloat (A Wintumn Story)

Bad day

TW PANIC ATTACK
AUTUMN POV
I remember the first time I had an attack I was 13. Everything had just been building up all day. Doors slamming too loud, too much background noise. Everything just seemed too loud. I remember sitting in Geography when the teacher started shouting at someone. I don't remember what it was about. I walked out and shut down. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. I sat on the floor leaning against the wall trying to calm myself down. But nothing seemed to work. I remember Reece being there for it, he'd just so happened to be bunking off science and found me outside my geography class.

Ever since attacks had just become something I had to learn to regulate. I can be just as loud as anyone shouting, or any slamming door or any car engine.

Today hit a bit different though. I'd woken up to find Winter was already up making breakfast. This wasn't anything out of our norm. I was walking downstairs when what I can only assume was a couple plates came crashing down. I flinched and grabbed onto the banister and just stood there for a couple of moments in order to calm down.

Once I have I walk into the kitchen we're I see Winter clearing up a plate that had crashed onto the floor.

"Sorry my love, did I wake you?"

"No I was already up."

I sit on our sofa and throw on the first thing I see. Winter bring in breakfast and we sit on the sofa eating it together.

I start getting ready. I'm in our bedroom getting changed when the door slams. I jump and stand there staring at it for a minute. Winter gently touches my shoulder in an attempt to bring me back into reality. I immediately grab his hand and push it off me turning around to look at him. "Are you alright, my love?" He says looking at me with concern. "You don't seem very with it this morning."

I stand there for a few more seconds thinking about my response. I knew exactly what was making me so jumpy this morning. But I'd be fine, I have had an attack in ages and hard days like this I'd push it down. Control it.

"Of course I'm fine my sweet."

Winter drives us in together. Out of nowhere a car revs their engine. "Crap." I mutter. Winter looks over at me. "You sure your alright my love?" I just give him a nod whilst we finally pull up into the nursery.

Winter drops me off at the office, kissing my forehead before he sets off to the baby room.

WINTER POV
The day was going pretty smoothly. I couldn't stop thinking about how weird Autumn had been acting this morning though.

It's coming up to the end of my shift. Me and  Carly were waiting for the last kids to be picked up when Marjorie comes into the room. "Somethings wrong with Autumn." She says.

I run into the office and open the door. Autumn was sitting against the wall her hands on her knees, shaking.

Winter immediately rushed to her. "My love whats happened?" I said. She was hyperventilating. I didn't know what to do, I had never seen her looking so vulnerable before. I went and sat next to her. I wanted to hold her hands. Stop her shaking, but I  knew it was probably best not to, let her have as much control as she needed.

"Autumn, your in the office your safe noting going to hurt you. It's only me in here, you are safe." I said sternly knowing it was probably the best way to bring her back round. I sat next to her repeatedly saying "your safe, nothing going to hurt you."

They were sat there for about 20 minutes. Autumn breathing had slowed down a bit. He was still repeating. "You are safe." I suddenly felt Autumn head on my shoulder. I didn't't move, I just stayed still not to make her flinch or scare her.

"I need it to stop." I heard Autumn say, she sounded so broken. I snake my arm around her shoulder. "I know my love, just got to push through it." Autumn starts to sob. I pulled her in closer hoping to calm her down as much as I could.

We sit there for another 30 minutes. My jumper was covered in tears. I didn't dare move. I knew she'd want to feel as in control as possible. I knew she hated feeling vulnerable around me at home. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling right now.

Autumn pushes away and stands up. I quickly follow. "Can we go home now?" She says. "Of course we can my sweet." We go upstairs to the staff room and collect our bags. Lucky by this point all the kids and staff (apart from Marjorie) had left so no one was going to she Autumn looking so broken.

We are walking down the corridor. I have my arm around Autumn shoulder. When we  see Marjorie. "Autumn, my love you okay now?" Autumn looks straight at Marjorie, gives her a weak smile and nods. Marjorie turns her head to face me. "Look after her for me please." Marjorie says. "Of course I will."

We continue to walk down the corridor and into the car. I take Autumn into the passenger seat and I go round to the drivers seat. I had one hand on the wheel the other Autumn was gripping my other hand refusing to let go.

We get home and I help Autumn out the passenger seat and take her inside. I sit her on the sofa and I sit next to her. She places her head on my shoulder again. She hasn't said a word since we left the office. I hold her close.

"I'm sorry" she says, she doesn't sound like Autumn. She sounds vulnerable, small, tired.

"For what?" I ask still holding onto her. "For making you see me like that,it hasn't happened in ages, I don't know why it happened now, today." She says in basically a whisper.

I turn her round to face me. "Don't you ever feel like you need to apologise for ever having a bad day like this. Do you hear me?" She nods and throws her head into my chest and slightly sobs. I can feel the tears falling onto my hoodie. I grab her back and pull her into me. We stay like that for what feels like all night. I don't move a single muscle. I need to protect from everything that ever happened to her, I'm going to protect her for ever.

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W/C 1124

A/N I don't know how I feel about this on tbf. I don't completely hate it. I'd get an idea write it down then completely scrap it. I hope you like this chapter. I think I'm going to do Reece and Autumn making up next because I honestly love the two of them as a duo and want to feature them more. Please let me know if there is anything you want to see. Again thank you for reading 🫶🫶