CALIFORNIA DREAMS

RECOVERY IS HARD

BELLY
One nice thing about being injured and having to ride a plane, is that you get upgraded to first class, due to your disability. Thats exactly what happened with conrad and i on our flight 2 days ago. I cant wait to get this big clunky boot off of me. Which i can on thursday, once its off, i still wont be able to drive for another week. i can walk around, and conrad insists on me using the crutches at school to walk that first week. He said it was a non negotiable thing.

He further told me he enlisted anika and becca to walk with me to my classes, to ensure that it happens. Sometimes, i really hate the fact hes so smart, and a planner. I know that he means well, with his over bearing and intense care for me, but it sometimes comes across as a bit controlling, even if he dosent mean for it too. Conrad puts me and my safety before everything, and his deep love fuels his protectiveness. I do love him for all that though.

Conrad has even further proved how much of a angel he secretly is, by getting me everything ive needed. He asks me every hour if im alright. Hell fluff my pillows without being asked. He fills my waterbottle when he sees its empty. He keeps the house temperature regulated, to suit my needs, when he notices im too hott or cold. He puts my meals on a tray, since im not suppose to be sitting upright. My acts of service king.

He makes me feel so cared for, and cherished. I cant believe there was a time in my life, when i thought words meant more. Words dont mean shit, actions do. Thats something i learned via jeremiah and taylor. Jeremiah said all the right shit, but in the moments that mattered, his actions didnt match his words.

I do feel sad for him, but taylors right, he needs to get all those hook ups out of his system. Hes a bit too immature still for a real relationship. A small part of me wondered, had i chosen jeremiah, if id be going through what taylor is. Im so glad i chose to stick with conrad. Jeremiah wouldnt be nearly as attentive as conrad has with my injury. I would have to constantly tell jeremiah what i needed, but conrad just always knows.

Yesterday, conrad, emailed his professors asking for the slideshows for the first few days. They were more than happy to give them to him. Its allowed him to not fall behind on schoolwork, while also still being able to ensure my recovery goes well.

Its about 1pm today, tuesday, my phone rings and i assume its jeremiah video calling, but its taylor.

This must be important, taylor dosent normally call, shell text, unless its serious "hey taylor, hows the new semester going?" i ask her.

She sighs "its good so far. Im taking a interior design class, so thats fun. Anyways, i need to ask you something. well two somethings, one do you think im making the right choice with jeremiah? Two that summer, when you had to pick between them, why didnt you pick jeremiah? What were his red flags?" Taylor rattles off.

"Alright, first of all, yes i think you are being very wise, and very mature about this. I think you made the right choice. As for question two, the main reason i didnt pick him, is i realized i wasent actually in love with him. He was just saying all the right things. While jeremiah, was always there for me. In the moments when i needed him to focus, and be serious, he couldnt. Jeremiahs not good in a crisis, he dosent react well to things, he gets emotional and lashes out. Hes not responsible, and cares more about himself than others. He hasent learned how to put the other person first. The times where ive been in really vulnerable situations with jere. He hasent known what to do. When shit hits the fan, i cant rely on him. Also his past, jeremiah was the playboy of cousins. I love jeremiah, and hes my best friend too, but youre right, i dont think hes mature enough for a real relationship" i tell her honest and direct, just the way she likes her advice.

Taylors breathing relaxes,"thanks cinderbelly. I needed to hear all that. I guess i was his first serious relationship. Were both still young, and learning. Making dumb mistakes, there is hope for him still. Maybe, i should find an older brother, who hates everyone, but me though, like you did. Marry the quiet calm guy, like you will one day" she tells me, and i laugh.