CALIFORNIA DREAMS

7.TROUBLE IN PARADISE

BELLY
Its currently wednesday october 9th. Im sitting at the table, eating my breakfast. Conrad still hasnt really talked to me, or even forgiven me for what i did. despite me giving all my efforts to make amends. It kills me knowing i hurt him, and ruined something great for him, but he hurt me too with what he said. I know he complained to my mom, i got an earful from her. Just two more days then well be leaving. We get a 4 day weekend which is nice. Tensions are also running high, because midterms are next week as well.

Conrads been in mega study mode, which is also why hes ignoring me. I learned this last year, that conrad ignores everything and everyone during test weeks. Jeremiah and i have been studying together, and asking each other questions. We study best by people. I head to school after im done eating, and sit next to anika.

Im so glad i met her and her friends"hey belly how are things?" she asks.

"Still not great, but im hoping this weekend will change things. Cousins has always been a magical place, especially for our relationship. All our best and worst times have been at that beach house" i say.

"Thats sweet" she smiles at me. A year ago today was that fateful night that changed everything. The day when i was nearly taken advantage of. I hate remembering that night, it was the worst of my life. School goes by slow today. i wish i didnt have volleyball pratice today, but i do. Our first game is thursday next week against stanford of all schools. The irony is real.

I walk in the house feeling tired, and sore. Conrads pacing the living room while talking to himself. I examine him closer and see his shakyness, he wont stop running his hands through his hair. I debate on weather or not i should leave him alone, or try to comfort him. I know hes on the verge of a panic attack. I start going upstaires, but then he starts shouting.

"Fuck school!! Fuck it!! Fuck everything!! I cant take it anymore" conrad hits his hand, and his head on the wall. My heart shatters for him.

I turn around. His breaths become shallow as he slumps down, and starts sobbing with his hands on his face. If my heart was shattered before, now its been broken into a millioon pieces put back together, and broken again. Theres nothing worse than watching someone you love go through this. I heisitate before sitting next to him "connie" i say quiet.

He dosent respond. I move his hands, and put mine on his face instead. "Theyre so warm" he mutters voice barely above a whisper.

"You can do this, whatever it is youre stressing about. you can get through it" I tell him.

"Im trying belly...i really am trying to get passed it....to let go of it all..." he replies, now i know hes not just talking about school.

I move so im sitting on his lap, i wrap my legs around his back and my arms around his neck. He wraps his around my waist and buries his face in my neck. We stay like this forever, wrapped up in one anothers warmth. Conrads breathings calmed down, and his heart rate is normal again.

"I need a break" he whispers.

"From what?" i say nervous fearing the worst.

"from my schoolwork. Not you. Ill never not want you. I think ill die if i study more" he sighs.

"Thank you for staying belly. For being here when things still arent pretty. Im sorry" he tells me kissing my neck.

"It nearly destroyed me, seeing you like that" i gulp.

"I know, i saw the look on your face. Im sorry you had too. Thats what the worst of my panick attacks look like. Its not very glamorous" he says.

Neither of us has let go of one another yet.