The Love Contract | Alex Turner

I Can't Get It Started Without You

Marianne's POV

The night was quickly approaching again. I went out and got a bottle of wine earlier, so I began drinking alone, like I was comfortable with. 

I pop open the wine, getting ready for a night alone. I don't bother getting a glass and instead drink from the bottle. I put on some lingerie, for no one to see but myself, it always made me feel better to put on a sexy outfit. 

I keep drinking to quiet the constant noise in my head, I begin to think back to Alex as I lay in bed. I can't help but regret how cold I was to Alex this morning. Part of myself really wanted to explore a potential relationship with him, but it would never work. 

Just because I couldn't be in a relationship with him, that doesn't mean I couldn't think about our kiss. Right?

Thinking back to the way he held me and the way our bodies fit together started to make me feel some sort of way. 

I slowly begin to touch myself to the thought of Alex's lips and the way he looked last night. It was shameful, I know this, but I don't care. I let out a few soft moans as I begin to pleasure myself. That is until I hear a knock at the door interrupting my alone time, I choose to just ignore it. Another knock at the door jolts me back to reality. 

"Fuck me." I hiss as I stand up, reaching for a robe to wrap around me as I swing open the door. 

I never would have guessed the subject to my fantasies would be stood right in front of me. 

I hug the robe around my body and try to catch my breath. "Oh, hey." I say a little awkwardly. Alex looks anywhere but me,  "U-um, hey. I hope I'm not, er, bothering you. I just wanted to check on you I guess." He says. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." I say with the scent of wine slipping off my tongue, I just want to get back to where I left off. 

Alex swallows and finally meets my eyes. "Doll, can I come in? I just want a chat." Alex finally speaks up. I bite my lip in contemplation, he looked so handsome right now. Just a chat couldn't hurt. "Sure." I respond and move over to let him inside. 

I sit on the edge of the bed and hug the rode against my body. Alex remains standing and looks down at me, "how drunk are you right now?" I asks me. "Oh, I'm not." Alex looks at me questioningly. "I'm serious, I've only had one glass of wine." I admit. "Are you sure about that, doll?" Alex says quietly. "Mhm." I say as my mouth goes dry at the sight of him so close to me. My body wanted Alex, but my mind knew it was a bad idea. 

I feel his eyes roam down my body, he inches closer and puts a strand of hair behind my ear. "Then why do you look so flushed, love?" He murmurs. "Oh, I was..." I trail off, I can't just tell Alex Turner I was pleasuring myself when he knocked on the door. He smirks at me, "you were what doll?" I cover my face to hide my embarrassment, "I was...you know." I hint. 

Alex grabs my hands and removes them from my face. "No, don't cover your face. I want to see you." Alex kneels in front of me on the floor and rests his hand on my thigh. "Did you finish when I was listening?" My breath catches in my throat, "I-um, you kinda interrupted me." I admit. Alex runs his hand higher up my thigh, "yeah, I can tell. You looked so flushed." He growls. I instinctively moan at his words as he places a soft kiss on my inner thigh. 

"God, doll. You have no idea what you're doing to me right now." He felt so good and that simple touch sent a fire up. my body. I grab his hair and force his head up to look at me. "You drive me crazy, love. You have no idea." He whispers. He snakes his hands up my body and gives my hips a squeeze. "Do you have any idea how badly I want you right now?" He groans in my ear. His voice sending a shiver up my spine, I definitely wanted him in this moment, but we can't go there again. 

"I want you too Alex." I admit. I can see the hope flash in his eyes as I say that. "But, we can't. You know why." I say and scoot back on the bed, putting distance between us. 

He signs and his head falls down to look at the floor. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know why I came here." Alex stands up and adjusts himself. 

I hug my knees to my chest, I can't keep doing this. "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry I let you in, and let it go this far." I admit, my eyes getting cloudy with tears. 

Alex, fiddles with his hands a little looking noticeably uncomfortable. "Um, so...I guess I'll be going then."

My heart sinks as he turns to leave, I'm not even horny anymore, just sad. 

"Alex..." I say no louder than a whisper.

"Yeah?" He turns around to look at me. 

"Could you just stay for a minute." I ask. He looks at me questioningly. "You can say no, of course. I just don't really feeling like being alone right now." I admit. I could feel myself slipping into that dark headspace of mine that honestly scared me sometimes. 

"Of course, love." Alex walks back over to me and sits on the side of the bed, unsure of where to go. 

"Here." I say as I scoot over and pat the spot beside me on the bed. Alex obliges and lays down beside me. 

"So you can't have sex with me but we can lay in bed together?" He questions with a laugh. His dark eyes looking into my soul. 

"The ethics of this are a bit cloudy, but I honestly don't care. You're the closest thing I have to a 'friend' here. I just feel like I'm spiraling." I say with a sigh. I turn on my side so I'm now completely facing Alex. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. 

"Not right now. Maybe one day." I say as I push a stray strand of here off Alex's forehead. 

"Can I at least put my arm around or summat?" Alex asks. I nod and lean into him, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. It felt good to be in someone's arms, it's been so long. Alex gently runs his hand through my hair which quickly puts me to sleep. 

It's pitch black outside by the time I open my eyes. Thankfully Alex didn't rush out, instead he was still holding me against him fast asleep. I smile to myself as I look at the perfection laid in front of me. 

He must sense my stares because he flutters his eyes open and looks down at me. "Well that was the best nap I've had in a while." He says with a yawn. "Yeah me too, it's dark out now." I say turning to the window. I pull myself away from Alex's grasp and sit up. "Alex-" I begin to speak. "Don't worry 'bout it, love. This will stay between us." He says as if reading my mind. "Thank you." I say with a relieved breath. "Well, I guess I should go then, before the lads start to question where I have been at." Alex says as he pulls him self out of bed. "Yeah, thank you for staying, I hope I didn't make it weird." I hug my arms around my body. "Not at all. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Alex says as he exits my room. 

As Alex leaves I collapse on the bed. What the hell did I just do?