Red Reaper - Soldiers of Fortune [book one]

Chapter THIRTY EIGHT

Lucky O'Cléirigh

I teeter tiredly on the edge of the bathtub, still shaking all over while Konstantin bends down to run the hot water, sticking his tattooed hand beneath the flow to check the temperature before he adjusts the tap..

From the living room I can hear the faint rumbling grunts and mumbles of the displeased cleaner.. The man called Yuri, mutters to himself in frustration and I can only imagine the challenge posed to him by the mess I have created..

How the heck is he going to get all the blood out of the carpet?

I honestly don't know.. But he must be good at his job for Konstantin to have called him..

I didn't actually get a chance to meet the guy or even see his face since Konstantin had ushered me quickly into the bathroom when his associate had shown up to dispose of the body in my apartment..

All I know is his services don't come cheap and I am caught wondering how much exactly it will cost My Big Bear to save me from my mistakes..

Oh, and I've made so many mistakes.. I feel as though every move I make and every decision leads me closer to the brink of destruction so that the only thing I am still sure of, the only constant in my consciousness is Konstantin.. Even though my faith in The Russian has wavered over these last few days, he is still the only person who I can trust whole-heartedly to keep my mounting heap of secrets..

First I had told him about Wren, then Lorcan and now this and never once did he bawk or bat an eye.. He is steadfast in his stoicism, never breaking down or falling apart like me..

Even when we fought and I had driven him to the edge of anger, there was a truth to his words that had stung in a way that I needed to hear..

I have been looking for something to fill my emptiness and seeking validation from l the wrong men in ways that I always knew was unhealthy..

But he was wrong about us..

Konstantin isn't some pseudo-daddy I would use to make myself feel better despite all his billowing red flags.. He is the man I finally trust to tell me the truth and now that I have known such respect, there is no going back..

And there is no moving forward without him..

I am stuck here, waiting for him to realise that we belong together.. I need him to figure it out.. Because I can't let him go..

"Oh, God save me.. I'm going to hell.." I croak in dread with the sound of the gunshot still ringing in my ears, the shiny shock of terror in Diago's eyes still burnt into my retina and the sensation of slimy warmth of blood still on my hands from when I tried to quell the flow from his chest.. Now I am so nauseated by the guilt of it all I could puke on the bathroom floor.. "I'm a terrible person.."

"Nyet, Malishka.. You are not." Konstantin comforts with a cool air and doesn't look over at me, continuing to fixate on the flow of the water as it surges from the faucet and in my heart I begin to fear that he is lying..