Red Reaper - Soldiers of Fortune [book one]

Chapter FORTY EIGHT

Konstantin Ivanov

After setting my sunshine gently on the bed, I lean across to flick on one of the bedside lights before shrugging out of my jacket and tossing it over to land on one of the high backed leather armchairs that sits in the corner of the room.. "Talk, Solnyshko.. Tell to me something only you know.."

"You want me to tell you a secret?" She sprawls out comfortably and tips her head to one side as she ponders my request..

"Da.." I hum, picking at the Van Wijk knot around my neck to free myself from the choke of the crimson red tie.. "You tell a secret to me, I will tell one to you.."

"A secret--hmmm-- Okay.. Well, how about this one.. I wish that you would make love to me tonight, Konstantin.. Even though I know you won't.." Disappointment causes her to fold her hands together over her knees as she casts her green gaze down towards the cold marble of the floor..

"You are so sure?" I toss aside my tie, discarding it on the chair along with my belt before I begin to unfasten the platinum watch from my wrist to set it down on the nightstand, along with the signet rings from my fingers..

"Do you mean; am I sure that I want you to? Or sure that you won't?" She asks, twisting her fingers tightly together..

"Both?" I hum as she watches as I unbutton my shirt, her gaze tracking over the ink painted over my muscle..

"Oh, Bear.. I waited my whole life to meet a man who would take care of me, I always hoped to find the right one, somebody who could fix all my problems, somebody who could fill the emptiness inside me and stop my heart from hurting all the time.." A low, longing sigh passes her pretty lips as she slides closer over the sheets.. "You can't fix all my problems, Konstantin, but when we're together, I don't feel empty anymore.. When I'm with you, my heart never hurts.."

I pause my undressing and circle the bed to stand before her, intent to hear all her secrets instead.. I want to decipher any remaining mystery she holds, losing myself in the aquatic depths of her sparking aquamarine eyes as she continues her train of thought.. "All I ever wanted was to love and to be loved.. To be able to trust without having to pretend that I'm something I'm not.. I tried so hard to force it, I would tell myself that I loved all the wrong guys.. I broke myself to fit all their expectations and it was never enough.. I was never enough.."

"Malishka.. You are exactly enough.." I crouch down before her on the floor, extending a hand to wipe away the tears that begin to spill over her cheeks.. "Ah, I hate so much to see you cry, My Love.."

"But I always felt so scared, Bear, I felt like they were going to take something valuable from me.. Something I didn't want them to have, because if they did that meant they would own a piece of me forever.." Reaching up she takes my hand from her face and uses it to pull me closer until my elbows sink into the mattress, I can smell the fruity perfume of her shampoo, fast becoming my favourite scent.. "I always thought that what I was protecting was my virginity.. I thought that it was the only real value I had left.. I thought that if I saved it, then no man could ever use it against me.. No man could ever hurt me again the way that Lorcan did.."

"Ty tak tsenen po mnogim prichinam-- you are mozt precious for so many reasonz, Lucky.. You have wizdom much beyond your years.. You think of others with a selfless heart and have in you such inspired passion.. You have made me a better man, you have given new meaning to my life.. You can not see it yet, but one day you will feel that every piece of you is perfect, and thoze pieces, 'zey will alwayz belong to you.."

"But that's just it, Bear.. They don't belong to me.. They haven't from the minute we met, because I had already given the most important part of myself to you.. And it wasn't some sacred treasure from between my thighs.. Konstantin, I gave you my heart.. That night, at Kirby's wedding, when I kissed you.. I didn't do it because I was drunk-- Okay well, maybe that's where the courage came from-- But I did it because I was so desperate for you to notice me.. I needed you to see me the same way I saw you.." She smiles, the kind of smile that hides no secrets and shines with honesty.. "I was in love with you then.. And I'm in love with you now.." Lucky inches forward to the edge of the bed, leaning closer to me now so that we are only a breath apart.. "I've been in love with you for two years, just dreaming you would wake up and want me.. I've thought about this moment more times than you could possibly know.. I've practiced all the things I've wanted to say to you and listened to a hundred Russian language tapes just trying to figure out how to make you understand me.."

"I see you.." My heart thuds and my chest aches.. "And I understand you, Solnyshko.."

"Good" She whispers.. "Then you understand that I am ready.. Konstantin, I never really needed to be married or for everything to be perfect.. I just needed it to be you.."

"What if--"I shift from the floor to take up space on the bed beside her, the mattress dipping beneath my weight causing her to lean into me.. "What if I am the one who is not ready, Malishka? What if it is my desire to save such a sacred moment for the day I marry you... What if I am afraid to lose thiz feeling I have found, that I cannot dare to tempt fate by dishonoring that vury same God who did give you to me.." I lift my gaze to meet hers, seeing no condemnation in there, only kindness.. "Your body iz and will alwayz be your own, you may choose to give it freely or keep it guarded... But what if I believe it iz a gift I have not yet earned? You must know I would have waited an eternity for you, Luchenskaya.. Now I wish to know, would you wait for me?"

She nods, wrapping her arms around my shoulders to squeeze me tight.. "Of course i'll wait.. I would wait forever, or I would marry you tomorrow.. Whatever it takes to keep you in my life, Bear.."

As she draws back to smile at me with earnest adoration, I take her delicate left hand in mine to twist the signet ring that still adorns her ring finger.. "So then.. Marry me tomorrow?"

She blinks twice and scrunches her nose with a stunned nervous giggle.. "What?"

"You did hear what I said.." I twist her beautiful blonde hair around one of my fingers.. "Marry me, Solnyshko.."