Chapter Nine

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"By urgent na gagawin, you mean telling my brother?" he asked warily, trying his best not to evoke any emotions inside of me.

"Buang ka ba? Ba't ko gagawin yun? Oo siguro bxtch ako sa part na may nangyari sa'min but I'm not that bxtch enough to ruin my best friend's day. Kaya ko 'tong buhayin mag-isa. I need no man."

"Bestfriend? What do you mean best friend?!" He said, shocked being evident in his face. MALAY KO BANG MAGJOWA SILA?! AND MALAY KO BANG WALANG KANG KA-ALAM ALAM SA BUHAY NG KUYA MO?

"You heard me right. Aliyah's my best friend."

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK YOU GUYS DID?!" sige lang, pamukha niyo na lang sa'kin. A wave of guilt, once again, hits me. Hitting me hard as if its purpose is to drown me deeper than I could ever imagine. So deep na feeling ko wala nang makakaahon sa'kin kahit sarili ko pa.

"STOP" I said coldly. Ayoko na maalala lahat ng pinaggagawa ko, namin.

"What? -- "

"Tama na okay? Tama na sa pagpapaalala sa'kin. Alam ko kung gaano ka gago yung ginawa namin. I don't need you to remind me that. Putangina, araw-araw Vance! Araw-araw akong kinain ng konsensya ko! Putangina ni hindi ko nga alam na magjowa sila! Na may jowa yung kuya mo, na may jowa yung kaibigan ko! Kaya please, wag mo na ipamukha sa'kin ang lahat! Wag kang mag-alala, di ko sisirain yung masasayang araw nila.. I can't.. Di ko kayang mapawi yung ngiti ng kaibigan ko Vance, not when ako ang magiging dahilan.. And if the only and last resort to protect my best friend's heart is to leave, then I'll leave without hesitation Vance.. Even if it costs my whole sanity, even if it breaks my whole being. Aalis at aalis ako kung para sa kaligayahan nila, kung para sa kapayapaan ng kaibigan. I'm no monster to break the love they shared Vance.. So please, idischarge mo na ako. I still have to book my flight and leave everything behind.." And I poured everything out, crying. May amnesia ako? Putangina, wala akong paki! May tendency na sasakit ulit yung ulo ko? Wala pa rin akong paki! All I could ever care right now is the child within me and my best friend's heart. I can't bear to see her crying — crying because her one and only best friend fuckin betrayed her. And if one day she'll know, I'll accept every thing she'll wishes to do with me. Sampalin? Tatanggapin ko yan. Sipain? Tatanggapin ko pa rin yan. Kahit pa siguro barilin ako, I'd gladly accept it. Hoping she'll see how genuine my apologies are, and if she wishes to turn her back at me, I would gladly accept it if it eases her pain even if it'll break my whole my damn world. Putangina, kayang-kaya kong tanggapin lahat, mapatawad lang ko. Kahit pa yung karma ang bubunggo sa'kin, tatanggapin ko nang buong-buo. Because Aliyah doesn't deserve a half-ass apology and most definitely doesn't deserve the pain. Because Aliyah — Aliyah is a sunshine personified and I can't afford to take the sunshine's smile away.

After pouring everything out sa kanya, he heaved a sigh. "Okay, I'll let you be but ubusin mo muna yung IV and take a rest. May gusto ka bang kainin?"

"Luh? Dami mong pasyente diyan, wag ka magfocus sa'kin." Ano ba 'tong shift emotions namin. Kani-kanina lang iyak ako nang iyak pero heto ako ngayon parang buang uli kung makasagot, probably because of the pregnancy hormones? Or maybe too early for that? Or baka it's my heart's way to defend myself.

"I could if I wanted to." Sir???? Kala mo naman walang pasyente? He's an ER doctor for fuck's sake.

"Buang ka. Dun ka na, magpapahinga yung tao oh. And no, wala akong gustong kainin. Gusto ko lang matulog." and he nodded.

"Okay, you rest well hmm?"

"Okay po." and instantly, I drifted to sleep. Probably because of the amount of cries I shed.

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