Beneath

24 ROCKY GROUND

C A M I L A

The weight of Maddie's coffee in my hand feels heavy.

Despite nearly eight hours since waking up in that hotel room this morning, my head still throbs.

This could be simple—hand Maddie her coffee, let her vent, walk her to her next lab. It's what I've always done. But things are different now.

This sweater smells like Noah, like soap and the woods and something uniquely him. Wearing it feels like he's always hugging me as the wind of November 1st whips around campus.

I woke up wrapped around Noah like ivy, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. Fox was dressed in a black hoodie, his bed made. He saw my worried eyes on the bloody towel and assured me it was just a normal nosebleed. But it left a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. He walked out soon after that, leaving Noah and me alone.

So I pressed a gentle kiss to his shoulder. Instead of waking, he tightened his hold, pulling me closer. I would've taken my time kissing him awake, had guilt not grabbed me by the throat. I'd been piss drunk and broken down like a baby. As it all reeled back, apologies bubbled to the surface, but he silenced me with a finger to my lips. No apologies. Not with him.

The clock was nearing 8:00 am when we ordered room service at the inn. Toast, eggs, and orange juice. A shower helped, too. It was a luxe one with fancy little soaps and shampoos. After, Noah sat me down and asked me to listen for a minute.

Reminders, he called them: I'm strong, kind, and not required to change for anyone; real friendship shouldn't be laced with pain; I belong with those who see and love me for me. Noah, Jed, Fox—they're not going anywhere.

It was a lot. Even now, the memories tug that deep thing inside my chest, and this coffee burns my palm. I take a deep breath, letting the chill fill my lungs.

I know we say things we don't mean. But fuck, it's hard. Harder than I ever imagined it could be, because now Noah's in my ear, making me feel like I don't deserve this.

Maddie slinks down the steps and spots me, slowing down as her face crumples at the sight. She's in a pink sweater, her face bare, hair pulled back into a low ponytail. She stops a few feet away.

I say nothing.

Finally, she speaks, her voice softer than I've heard in a long time. "Fox and I had a fight. Last night after you left. I was drunk."

My grip on the coffee tightens.

Maddie looks up, her eyes searching mine for something. "It was bad, Cam. Really bad. I said things. I even—" Her voice cracks, and she swallows hard.

My throat tightens. "Why'd you do that, Maddie?"

"I was scared," she admits, her voice barely a whisper. "I don't know how to face you after everything that happened."

My eyes well up and I don't even bother trying to stop it. "What did I do that was so bad?"

As Maddie's hands rise to cover her face, my chest tightens.

"I'm so sorry, Cam," her voice breaks through her fingers. "I told... I told Paige you were...I just..." Words fail. She stops trying.

My skin goes a little colder. "What did you tell her?"

"I was scared, okay? It was all her idea in the end." Her blue eyes, red and swollen, lock onto mine. "I don't want to be cheated on. I can't be. Not again."

It's like a punch to the gut, bringing back the memory of Maddie after Wells cheated on her. She was shattered, barely holding the pieces of herself together, and it took her forever to even begin to recover.