Beneath

31 FATE REARS ITS UGLY HEAD

C A M I L A

"If the universe is constantly expanding, do you think we'll ever reach the end?"

"I think you have bigger problems, Jed, like memorizing the periodic table by tomorrow your physics final."

We're on the granite boulder path again, an unofficial meeting spot that's become ours by accident more than design, though Jed would disagree. He hands me another stick of licorice, and in return, I slide him another triple chocolate protein bar from my bag. It's half frozen. The thing is, Jed and I don't mind the cold.

Jed goes back to studying the overcast sky, a slate of dark grey. His afro shifts in the wind, his bright yellow puffer coat rustling on his torso. "The periodic table is just the universe's way of organizing itself. Each element is a building block of stars. I've had it memorized since I was nine."

I narrow my eyes. "44th element."

"Ruthenium. Transition metal. Solid at room temperature." He points a licorice stick at me like a wand. "You cannot outsmart me, Camila, though you are intelligent in your own right."

"Well, thanks. I think."

The afternoon wanes, the sun somewhere or nowhere behind all the grey. There's no way to tell.

"Camila, you ever think about what mark you'll leave on the universe?"

"Footprints," I mumble, shrugging a little. "Footprints in forests, on stairs, kitchen floors. I've always tried to keep them light." I tuck stray curls behind my ear, feeling the chill bite through my three sweaters. "Here's hoping mine don't turn into craters."

"Craters tell the stories of impact force. Craters are beautiful."

I shuffle my papers around as my hair does the same. I've been wearing it down, recently. It's like reclaiming one more piece of independence. And Noah likes it.

A shadow passes over Jed's face. "I worry that Maddie will leave a crater in the people important to me. Do you understand?"

I mumble something nonchalant.

Last night, Maddie and I went to the boy's apartment. In their fancy kitchen, I made protein pancakes. It should've been simple, except Noah wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck when no one was looking. Meanwhile, Fox was tickling Maddie on the couch while Jed glared.

Anyway, craters. Maybe I understand geology after all.

"It's 4:34 PM," Jed tells me, glancing at his black digital watch.

We pack up, our study session between boulders ending as the sky turns a deeper shade of gray, the wind picking up to a howl. Together, we head down the path that winds back toward the campus heart.

"It is about choices, Camila. Footprints we decide to leave behind. We think there is time, but time is the one thing we do not have control over. And it is probably not real."

Time. Footprints. I've been too focused on getting through each.

Jed continues, unaware of the thoughts coalescing in my head. "It's about making your footprints count before you can't make them anymore."

The idea of time, of not having enough of it, has never felt so pressing.

Jed glances at me, gut-wrenching sadness pulling me into his nearly black eyes. "The universe doesn't wait for anyone. It keeps expanding, creating new spaces for new stars, taking things too."

I nod, feeling my throat tighten, the wind stealing any warmth I have left. "You ever think the universe doesn't care about us?"

Jed doesn't answer immediately, his eyes still locked on the sky. "There are bad things, aren't there. The guiltiest of men seek the sea. Not for absolution, but for the forgetting. It is a place vast enough to dilute the memory of what they have done. They walk to its edge like penitents to an altar, carrying sins too heavy for land, and much too sharp for confession. In the crash of tide, they hear not judgment, nor echo, just the rhythm of something other than consequence. The sea won't ask why. The ocean, after all, is the only grave that doesn't mark what it keeps."