yours truly ⌘ luke hemmings

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yours truly

chapter 3

9/15/13

dear mia (a.k.a my world)

hey there beautiful! today was extremely long and dreadful, i was thinking of you constantly and missing your presence in my arms. i miss cuddling with you and feeling your soft lips against mine. the taste of mint always lingered on your lips from your favorite scent of eos lip balm. they were always smooth and they molded perfectly with mine, almost as if we were made for each other. and that was a feeling i could never forget. a tingling sensation would spread throughout my body like wildfire and i craved more and more.

they've been picking on me again, and it's slowly getting worse. they'd blame me for your death. deep down i know that i'm not the one at fault, but when they said it, i was scared into believing it. sometimes i believed every single word that came out of their mouth, even if I knew that it wasn't true.

deep down inside of me, there's this spark of hope that you're safe in heaven, where nobody will ever be mean to you again. a place where you will never shed another tear, a place where you won't have to suffer anymore. i hope you're watching down on me, and missing me just as much as i miss you.

today i stopped at the market and got you a beautiful bouquet of red roses. i know how much you loved them, and i remember buying them for you every time i took you on a date and for valentine's day. and you'd display them in your bedroom window in a beautiful glass vase.

so i brought them for you. perhaps you can showcase them in heaven, show them to all of your new friends, and display them in front of a window for everyone to see.

i wish i could see the place you're staying at. i wish i could experience the happiness and joy you're finally feeling. all i ever wanted in life was to be with you and be happy, and now I can't have either of those things.

i had a breakdown right before i decided i wanted to write this letter. my heart ached and i couldn't breathe, it was as if my lungs stopped working for a solid hour. here i sat, laid out on the ground with my face in my hands, gasping for air. and for this hour i wasn't thinking of you as much as i normally was. which was pretty weird. instead, my mind was flooded with thoughts.

and these thoughts were scary. i was thinking about ending my life like you did to yours. i was thinking about hurting myself. and i did end up cutting myself; because at this point i had believed it was the only way to calm myself. i knew i couldn't end my life, i had to stay strong because I know that's what you would've wanted me to do. and you'd been staying strong for so long, i feel as if you'd want me to be strong.

and sometimes it's hard, but i know I'll make it through and be with you again someday.

yours truly,

lukey