we are people // 5sos

eight - calum

i messed up.

i messed up so bad.

i regret everything i did and i knew this day would come and i hate myself for it.

no one is there for me right now besides luke, but he doesn't understand as much as i want him to.

i'm sitting on a stool, resting my elbows on my kitchen counter, lightly tapping my fingers. i reach for my iPhone and turned it on to see the 20 missed calls from sienna, none from ryan.

i don't care about my reputation, i don't care about sienna, she never cared anyway.

all i care about is ryan.

i dial ryan's number for the millionth time, wanting to hear her voice, to speak to her, to apologise.

"WAAAAAAAHHH! this is ryan's phone, i can't be bothered to answer but leave a message or whatever  beep" 

"ryan i'm so sorry okay i really am please call me back" i said, ending the call and slamming my phone back down on the counter, running my hands through my hair

ding dong

"who the fuck is it now?" 

sienna.

"fuck off" i yell, slamming the door in her face

"calum, who was that?" my sister mali came running down the stairs

it used to always be just us in this house, our parents were never here and that may seem like a great time to throw parties and have friends over and go through there liquor cabinet but its actually horrible not being able to see the people that gave birth to you and raised you and made you who you were. i don't get to experience the mother-son or father-son talks and all that, it might be weird for you but i want my parents home, not on business trips 24/7.

mali is my sister, the sweetest of all actually. we get along really really well, she had graduated last year, and is attending yale, she's a smartie pants, and currently on break at the moment. 

so when i said 'used to' i meant before she left for college, now i'm always alone and its the worst.

i mean, yeah, i invite luke over, sienna and all my other friends but people have their own lives too and  their parents are strict and actually care about them. whereas mine just talks to me over the phone that doesn't have good service.

"fucking sienna." 

"calum i really don't like that girl. and you've been quiet all day, whats up?" mali walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder, giving me a sad look that i've been wearing all day, and she has noticed it, she notices everything

ding dong ding dong ding dong

mali storms over to the wooden door, opening it wide "can you please just STOP ringing our fucking doorbell and leave my brother alone or i will get my fucking KEDS and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" she yells, leaving sienna shocked and angry but it's not like she can do anything, keds are helpful. then mali slams the door in her face, repeating the same action as mine.

"i messed up a lot mali." i tell her whilst walking over to the couch and plopping my messy self on it.

"how so?" she follows me sitting beside my messy self

"you know ryan's back" 

"thats awesome!"

"you know i'm in love with her" mali never knew about the feelings i had for ryan, i have told her now though...

"oh. but, sienna?" 

"thats the thing, i kissed ryan the night before the day she was walking back into the halls of dalton ONLY to find me kissing sienna" i had listened to all the words i said to mali and its even worse when you say it out loud so i give myself a smack on the forehead, groaning in misery

"wow calum" she raised her eyebrows in shock-mostly, "you need to fix things up, RIGHT NOW." she punched me on the shoulder

"ow" i run my hands over the pain of the possible bruise she had given me, "but how? she won't answer my calls.."

"see how much technology is ruining our lives?"

"you're right..." i sit straight up

"go get her bro!" mali grins

i jump off the couch and put on my shoes, heading out the door and to my shitty old jeep to bring myself to the girl i truly love.