I Am Guilty

39. Haunting Past

The ocean was disturb that evening. The waves were angry and ferocious as if reflecting Arjun's mood.
He walked barefoot in the wet warm sand, leaving his leather boots unattended.
The ocean could offer him no solace.

Absentmindedly, he walked in without caring of this own safety. Darkness clouded his mind. The dark patch, when he was manhandled by the police while he was accused for the rape and murder, resurfaced again and made his brain numb. He had never talked that to anyone, not even with Mitra or Kunal. That was his own secret kept safe in deepest and the darkest corner of his heart. not only he was beaten black and blue, but he was sexually assaulted, in the name of giving him back what he had done to the girl.

He had slowly recovered and tried his best to not to think of those moments ever. but Veena's sudden act took him off-guard and he found himself to be the same vulnerable 17-year old boy..... Helpless... Worthless...

He walked in, deeper in the ocean. The water was warmer and more inviting. He knew, a few more steps and the land will slip away under his feet. That was the best option to get rid of the storm brewing in him. He could wash away the remainants of filthy hands that had roamed over his body. The sweaty scents that clouded his mind made it hard for him to breathe. The scared boy who had horror filled in his eyes as the officer had stripped himself and touched him all-over, flashed in front of him and his resolve to give up of his beating heart and breathing body, strengthened.

The water level rose up to his chest and he still kept taking slow steps to embrace the ocean and be the tiny part of it.

He was taken by surprise when he was suddenly held by two strong arms from behind. Before he could drop back to reality, he was being dragged towards the land. When he tried to protest, the man who was dragging him out was helped by another one. Arjun could not see the faces of those people, who were dragging him back to life against his will, since it was already very dark.

He was thrown on the wet soft sand, unceremoniously as the two men breathed hard. He forrowed his eyebrows and looked up at them, trying to sit up.

"What do you think were you doing?" One of them barked.

"Who are you?" Arjun asked, composing himself.

"We are the coast guards here. What's wrong with you? Were you trying to kill yourself?" The other man spoke with a deep voice.

"Arjun staggered lightly as he stood up. "Yes, and thank you for ruining my plans."

Both the men looked at each other and then back at Arjun. They were taken aback by the vulnerability in his voice.

One of them huffed. "You know what, go and do it somewhere else. This beach is off-limits. Do not spoil our record. Now get lost."

Arjun blinked once and walked away silently. He found his leather boots and his mobile phone still at the same spot, untouched. He sat down and breathed hard. looking at the much calm ocean, he gulped hard. He realised with a start that he was on the verge of giving away his life. He had kept himself strong for so long and one dark memory made him destroy all that he had built for years.

He slightly shivered. His wet clothes were not helping with the cold breeze that flowed freely. He laid down on the sand and spread his hands wide. He blinked at the tiny twinkling stars and tried to find a hope to survive for the next day. All he could think of was giving up and ending the situation for-ever.
His phone kept ringing but he was least bothered to receive it and answer the people who were worried for his well-being. He knew, he would not give them a satisfactory answer and his lie would be caught in a beat. They all loved him too much to not realize that he was faking of being good.
But none of them deserved a broken, spineless man in their lives. They were all good without him.