Poems 🥀

In My Mind

In my mind lives a different person,

She never struggles as much as I do,

I give her all I desire,

All that I could never have.

Beauty, money, love, luxury.

Comfort, joy, fame, support.

She's a healthy girl that I nurtured in my head.

She's been here, growing since I was young,

I wanted to be her.

I wished, I prayed and tried to be her,

I couldn't.

So I made her up, and pretended she was I.

That it was I who had eyes like an ocean,

Teeth like pearls.

Body like a goddess,

Hair like a waterfall,

Skin like a newborn baby.

She goes by many names,

She lives in various houses,

She has various lovers.

All a story that I have control of.

Control,

Something I want to have over my life.

I want all the good things in life.

Call me greedy but I do.

I am sick and tired of imperfection,

Failure and struggle.

In my mind,

I feel like a mindless zombie,

Circling the same place,

Chasing brains that I will never get.

In my mind, 

I make up things to feel better,

To calm the storm,

To start it too.

In my mind,

I am the master and the slave,

The creator and the destroyer,

The angel and the devil.

I hate it but I need it.

I need to constantly feed myself lies,

To tell myself that I am okay,

That I am pretty,

And at the same time,

To tell myself that I am not okay,

That I am ugly and mean and selfish.

So much for the perfect me in my head.

In my mind,

Things are distorted and grey,

Yet perfect and shimmering.

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The brain is such a complex station... you never know where the off or on button is.

Thank you very much for reading.

A vote and a comment would be appreciated.

I hope you have a lovely day!