Lost Luna

How am i suppose to live

I sit at the head of the bed leaning against the head board. I bend my knees and open my legs. Rome understands what I'm doing and stands up. He just looks at me for a minute.  His classic smirk forms on his face. He walks to the side of the bed and climbs in.

"I'm going to miss this babygirl. Where ever I go after this I know I'm going to miss this."   My bottom lip starts to quiver while I try to hold back my tears.

"I'll miss this so much more Roman Reigns."  He chuckles hearing his whole name. "I'll dream of you every night just to have these moments back."  His hand cups my face as he kisses me. The tingles still present between us. When he pulls away my eyes look back and forth between his. "Why can't we just wait? Why do we have to do this right now? We only just got married today. Please Rome. We don't know if it will ever happen." He smiles, brushing my hair behind my shoulder.

"Yes we do love,  everything that man told me has come true. You dream't it for a week. And I know why Quint was up here today. He planned on doing it himself." I look away from him. I know he's right. And I don't want anyone to hurt him or torture him. But I'm selfish and I just want him here with me. "Look at me babygirl," I do, and feel horrible for giving him a hard time. His eyes are glassy.  He doesn't want this either. But he feels it's better this way. I need to be supportive so I nod my head. He kisses me once more as the door opens.

"Ok, all set."  I beg him with my eyes one last time. He tilts his head and smiles.

"Loving you was the best decision I've ever made. And I'd do it all over again. The only regret I have is waiting as long as I did to be with you. I'm sorry I wasted so many years."  I shake my head as tears roll down my cheeks.

"I'll l-love you ma-my ho-whole life." He grabs my face, smashing his lips to mine for the last time before he sits between my legs resting his back on my chest. His arms rest over my thighs as his hands hold on to my knees. He lays his head back on my shoulder.   I automatically bury my face in his hair and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel him nod. 

"I love you Ava." The gun goes off and I feel him jump. I wrap one arm around him and cradle his head in the other turning him to look at me. His hand shakes coming up to cradle my face as I lean my forehead to his.

"I love you so much Rome. I will always love you Rome." He closes his eyes and a tear streams out from between his long lashes.  I kiss his lips just before his hand slowly drops. When I open my eyes to look at him he's gone. I close my eyes again pressing my cheek to his and start rocking back and forth. The pain I feel is all consuming. I want to scream but I can't even breathe.

I don't know how long I sit like this just rocking him. I just keep hoping it's all a bad dream. And when I open my eyes he'll be there smiling at watching me with those big gray eyes.

"Ava, sweetheart. He's gone. Please let me take him."  I look up at Leo. He and Abel are both standing at the foot of the bed. "It's been almost a hour. I'll take Roman, and Abel will get you washed up. Ok?"   I nod my head looking down at Romes face. I press my lips to his cold ones before I whisper in his ear.

"I'll love you my whole life."

It's been four weeks since the happiest day of my life. Four weeks since I married the love of my life. The person who became my everything overnight.

It's also been four weeks since my life was thrown into turmoil. Four weeks of pain, heart ache, and loneliness. 

He was here and gone in what seems like the blink of an eye.   My whole world shattered and yet somehow the rest of the world just keeps living, and expects me to just keep living. Rome wanted me to keep living. But how? How am I suppose to live without him?