crazy what u do for a friend

memories

lucy's pov*
"do u want to do it now." zoe asked. "i don't mind." i said. i didn't want to tell them this they will think I'm weak for sure. "okay we will stay here so u can be comfy." grey smiled at me. "do u want us all to stay or do u want some of us to leave." zoe said. I didn't want anyone to be there i wanted it just to be me and grey,i want to get through this by myself i don't need help. "lucy?" zoe smiled at me. "no they can stay if they want." i don't know why i said they could all stay i don't want them to be here. i don't even want to have this conversation. "okay so we are going to film it, that's okay right." zoe smiled at me while i watched angela and nyla sit on the edge of the bed. Tim was still stood up next to grey his face full of concern. I nodded my head slightly and gave out a weak smile. I pushed myself up so i was sat up ignoring the pain in my body. "if u feel uncomfortable we can always stop and do this another time." grey said. I didn't really hear him my mind wasn't there i just wanted to go home but not my apartment just somewhere where i felt at peace. "do u want to do it now." grey said. "mhm." i said keeping my head down. I drink some of the water Tim got me earlier and wait for someone to speak just to get rid of the tension. "officer chen please can u promise u will not lie during this and will tell the truth to the best of ur abilities." zoe said her tone firm. Why did i do this i am no where near ready. "yes i promise." i say even weaker.
"so you have to start from when u got the phone call. you can go into as much detail as u would like." grey smiled at me. I didn't have the energy to do anything even smile i just sat there dreading what i have to tell them. There was a long pause so im guessing i have to tell them. "um rosalind called me and she told me to come find her and if i told any of u we would all be blown up." i pause. "she made me take of my belt and camera and place it in a bin before getting into a car and driving to her that's when i heard Caleb." i feel a knot form in my stomach. "your doing so well." i hear angela say. did she think that or was she just saying it. "i get to this abandoned mansion and they tell me to walk in and i do that's when i get hit at the back of my head i wake up and there's a tv with bailey on it and rosalind and Caleb in front of me and i said i would do anything to save bailey and then they." i couldn't they would think im weak for sure.Its all coming back i dont want it to come back not again i wanna feel safe not like this i cant do it. "we can take a break."zoe said rubbing my leg. "no they um dragged me into a room with another tv on but with volume and they started touching me but then the tv came on and it was well u guys talking about me on repeat." i paused. everything they said rushing through my mind. I'm not selfish. surely not right. no no. but then why did they say it. "lucy we didnt mean any of it." nyla said. "um yeah okay then they stabbed me in the leg and touched me some more before they r@ped me." i could hear the gasps i had already told them. why where they so shocked. My body couldn't help but laugh. if i didn't i would be crying. "oh and it gets worse." i say still laughing. what's wrong with me. "they stabbed me that hurt, and u where still all speaking in the background on repeat lucy talks to much lucy's bitchy lucy's selfish all this and that." my laugh faded away as soon as i was saying what they said about me out loud i don't wanna talk about this anymore. The tension is visible nobody moving an inch. "is that it lucy." grey smiled at me. "i wish." i said sarcastically. Their faces just showed pure worry. "they pulled me back to caleb and rosalind and they punched me over and over everywhere that's what drained the water. Then they left and i stayed there for well i thought it was 20 mins but i must of passed out and then i called u while i was walking home i didn't go to hospital i didn't want to see u guys so i wanted to have a day of sick and called well you and got screamed at." i finished. "im sorry lucy we would of been there for u, ur so strong." zoe said. "are u okay genuinely." angela said. was i okay. The question wandered in my mind. It's like it never happened it's all a big blur all i can remeber is what they said it's like it's engraved into my mind. "lucy please don't think about what we said we didn't mean it at all." nyla said standing up and giving me a half hug so she wouldn't hurt me. "and we know ur not going to forgive us easily but we are so sorry and are here if u need us." angela continued adding onto nyla. "thanks, can i get some sleep now." i say looking at zoe. "ofc do u want anything for the pain." zoe said looking at me. i slowly nod my head and before i know it tim rushed to get me a tablet. He hasn't spoke this whole time. "goodnight we will be outside if u need us." grey said. "don't be get some sleep." i said looking at the clock. "you need sleep your body needs to recharge." angela smiled at me. "oh and lucy." tim said. "yes tim." i looked up at him. it was the first time we had looked or even spoke to each over properly. "i didn't mean it genuinely non of us did we want to be here for u and ur going to try do it by urself but u can have help it's okay to have help." he said smiling at me. i knew that. i know i need help. i just don't want it anymore i want to feel loved.