I wish you knew how hard I tried. I wish you knew about all those sleepless nights. The times I've tried not to cry myself just for me to be able to sleep. I wish you knew about all these thoughts swarming in my head and keeping me up at night. I wish you knew my silent crying, late at night, just to try to free myself of all the pain. I wish you knew how many times I've saved you from all the pain, how I'd rather have myself pained and hurt than you.
I wish you knew.
Maybe it would have made a difference, and maybe we wouldn't be like this.
Remember last night? When you asked me, "do you think we would still get that far?" And I thought, wow, it's been a month since you asked serious questions about us. Soon as those eight words escaped your lips, all the plans I've made and thought of for the both of us came crashing down, like a hundred feet wall.
And I was so so hurt.
So broken over those eight words. What did I do wrong to make you doubt me? Our relationship?
You could've just said it straight to my face if you're no longer feeling anything.
Why are you doing this, huh? Why make it harder than it already is?
Where have the person I fell in love with gone to? There are no more traces of him in you. You knew he was my home, why did you let him go?
"Do you think we would still get that far?"
As much as it pains me to analyze and realize your question, I answered, "Don't you want to? I don't know. You think?"
And you said, "Well, it's up to us."
"I don't know," I said.
I was expecting you would take your answer back. I wanted you to take it back so much. I wanted you to take it back and reassure me that yes, of course, we would get that far. We'd get married. Have beautiful children. Raise them, send them to school. Travel the world together and grow old, together.
Soon as I said it, it's like something inside you snapped. You told me you're going to bed even though it's only 10:30. I just don't get it? We both know you're a midnight person. Why lie?
Instead of still talking nonsense and irrelevant shit to you, I let you. You're probably exhausted from college, anyway.
"Goodnight."
"Ok goodnight." And that was it. No exchange of I love you's.
So now tell me how you slept well, knowing that in some ways, you broke me.
YOU ARE READING
Everytime I Try To Walk Away
Romancewhat would you do if both of you are no longer interested in your relationship? but you don't want to get out of it because you enjoy each other's company? would you risk him? or would you risk yourself for him just so he wouldn't get hurt?
