It's okay.

Chapter 17

Vanny and Clara had stayed with Jake a whole month now, and honestly they were starting to feel like a little family even though all of the terrible things that had brought them to where they were they had made the best of it and even though Vanny didn't love Jake, he made her feel calm and for the first time in a long time, Vannys head had started to become a lot more of a quiet place. she even felt happy. that month has been filled with movie nights where Clara would fall asleep in Vannys arms, and then Vanny would fall asleep in Jake's. and family dinners, even though they weren't even a real family, but it was the most Vanny had ever felt at home. And even Clara, who doesn't get along with new people had started to warm up to Jake they had their own little inside jokes, and whenever Vanny would tuck Clara in at night, Clara would ask for Jake to come and tuck her in to. and they were all happy. Vanny's mind hadn't been able to rest for a long time, but it finally was getting too. which made her remember things that she hadn't been thinking about like how Her birthday was this weekend, she was going to be 16. She didn't want Jake to know that her birthday was coming up because she knew he would try to throw a party and make a big deal of it and she didn't want that, she just wanted it to be calm and peaceful. But little did she know that Clara and Jake had already been cooking up a HUGE party for Vanny, this weekend. they had thought of everything, balloons, cake ,gifts, and half of the school was invited. they got Clara a babysitter for that night and evreything. It was Thursday and the party was tomorrow so Jake had been out all day getting everything prepared and Clara had been distracting Vanny. "You wanna play princess and servant?" Clara asked Vanny who was sitting on the couch scrolling on her phone. "How do I play that again?" Vanny asked. Clara looked at her disappointed in the fact that she didn't remember. "How many time to have to explain it!?" Clara said annoyed. "It's so simple! R u autism?" Clara asked Vanny with the sassiest look on her face. Vanny looked at her and laughed "Do u mean autistic?" Vanny said. Clara looked at her and blinked. "I meant....what. I. SAID." Clara screamed. " Geez! somones going though there sassy faze..." Vanny said as she got up to put her coffee mug in the sink. "EXUSE me?!?! what did u say young lady!? U do not talk back to me like that! Nu uh! And for your imfoMATION I was BORN THIS WAY BABY!" Clara said with a little snap and then strutted upstairs. Vanny laughed and then went back to scrolling on her phone.

In the past month Alex had seen Vanny in the halls at school and at the park some but they didn't really hang out anymore or text. Alex had become distant from Evreyone recently. he didn't really wanna talk to anybody accept Vanny but it didn't seem like she really wanted to talk to him so he bassically was alone all the time. Today he woke up at 1:15. He didn't ever want to get up he just wanted to sleep forever. He was sitting in his bed starring at the wall then he heard a knock on the door. "It's mom." His mom said before opening the door. "Hey honey I brought u some food." She said as she sat the plate down on his nightstand. "Thanks" Alex said blankly. "Are you okay honey? You've seemed really quiet lately." His mom said as she sat next to him. "I just don't feel like talking." He said in a gravely voice and then turned over in his bed and layed back down. "Okay sweetie. Just remember I'm here if you need to talk." His mom said and then kissed him on his head and left the room. Alex didn't know why he was sad. Maybe it was because Vanny wasn't talking to him, or maybe because he felt alone. maybe because his dad killed himslef. Or maybe it was all of that. But he doesn't know. he feels it though. this overwhelming pain and it hurts. Have you ever felt something so deeply that you can physically feel it? That's how he felt. There's a pit in his stomach and he had a never ending headache. he needed something to focus the pain because it was just all over him. It would be a lot better if it was just in one place. He sat up again and looked over at his desk. He saw his pocket knife sitting there. then he put his hand on his forearm and slid up his sleeve. He felt the scars, the scars that he had put there himself and remembered feeling this pain, and how it felt better then the pain he was feeling right now. He got out of bed and walked over to grab the knife. He picked it up and sat back down. *click* he opend the pocket knife, took a deep breath, lifted up his sleeve and.......blood. There was blood running down his arm. It hurt but only in one place. he did it again and again until there was to many cuts on that arm so he went to the other. And all the emotional pain started to faid and the physical pain began to get worse and worse until he couldn't feel anything. He dropped the knife and sat still. Blood dripping down his arms onto the floor. Tears started to stream down his face and all he could think was "what's wrong with me?"